- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated by .
April 11, 2008 at 10:35 am #20906babytransistor
Hey guys, just popping in for a bit. It’s getting a little easier to deal with babies since the abortion, but teh site is very "triggery" for me so I have to avoid it most of the time.
I just wanted to remind everyone that even though abortion is a terrible tragedy in this world, your friends and family who share with you that they have had an abortion need your love & compassion.
I think as Christians it can be easy to look down on someone else because they made a bad choice, they sinned, and their sin is "worse" than another sin. In truth, a sin is a sin. I would have been 6 months pregnant now. It has not gotten easier for me to deal with the abortion. In fact I thank God that I was able to write about my abortion on here shortly after it happened, so vividly, because I don’t think I bring myself to do it anymore. Time has not healed all. In fact my life is in more of a shambles than I let on to anyone since the abortion. More than having a third child on my own would have ever made it -I’m a mess. I have to see counselor once a week. I had to be put on medication for shift workers because I couldn’t stay awake during the day because the nightmare have been so bad. I have terrible crying jags where I have to go in my closet and cry into a pillow so my children won’t here. I have to see a psychiatrist next week. Things have never been so bad in my life. Ever.
But I usually try to put on a brave face. I know friends 7 family don’t want to hear about the mess I’m in, because afterall they don’t understand all the details about what i have done. Few of them know, and the ones who don’t know just think I’ve been depressed.
My point being, women who are post abortion need your love & support more than ever. Please don’t look down on them. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have looked down on the women in my life who had had one. I would have tried to offer them a shoulder to cry on, and perhaps watched their kids so that they could go to counseling. If it weren’t for the local Crisis Pregnancy Center and my Recovery group at church on Monday nights, and the medication I’ve been put on, I don’t know what would be happening to me & my family.
I guess I just wanted to pass on to the SUGers, if you know anyone in your life who needs help after an abortion or who is pulling away, please reach out to them. I talk pretty candidly on here because of the fact that it is anonymous and no one is going to know me from Adam, but in real life I have pulled away from people. I have really had to force myself to deal with all of this in healthy ways.
I can’t change what I did, and I also know that it doesn’t make me a monster or a "killer" or any of those things. I am just a person, and according to the Bible my sins have been wiped clean. I still haven’t forgiven myself and probably never will. But I know that those labels don’t define who I am. This abortion doesn’t even define who I am. I am still trying to figure all of it out, but I know that God doesn’t want women who have had abortions to give up, or to end their life, or to become monsters in the eyes of their family or friends. Please reach out to them and offer them your prayers and compassion. It really makes such a difference. I am so thankful that I have a few close friends who have not treated me any differently, and who are able to understand that I am already punishing myself enough, and who want good things in my life even when I don’t feel I deserve anything to be good again.
I also wanted to share this song, it has gotten me through some rough nights. I’ve been listening to the Christ Tomlin version. A friend bought me the CD and anonymously left it on my front door after my abortion.
I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness….watch and pray
Find in me….thine all in all
[b]Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin hath left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow[/b]
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone
For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary’s Lamb
And when before thy throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeatMay 5, 2008 at 3:06 am #21150Kandace.
thanks for writing this it really helped me 🙂
- The forum ‘Personal Experiences – Just Let It Out!’ is closed to new topics and replies.