Why Not?

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  • #28104
    AvatarAnonymous

    To start this off, let me give you some background info; I am 17, I live with my fiance of two years in my mom’s house, we’re looking to get our own place and he may be joining the military. We got pregnant last fall, and unfortunately, that ended in miscarriage. From the end of June until the second week of December, Kyle and I had his baby sister (born June 23rd, 2010) in our constant care. His mom contantly took off all over town – day and night – leaving us with the responsibility of raising her. Don’t get me wrong, we did a great job and love her to death, but the point is, she was not our baby, or our responsibility, but we raised her as if she were. Now then, my fiance and I have talked about it, and we both really want to have a family right now. We have decided to try for a baby, and have been getting lots of heat for this. Given our situation, I am at a loss as to why.I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this, and give some insight as to why I am being looked down upon for wanting to have a baby, even if I am young. I am not going to college, I am going to be a full-time wife and mother, and Kyle is going to be the one to work and provide for our family, because that is the life we want. That being said, I fail to see why people have told me I should not have a baby. Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to let it out

    #28105
    AvatarMeg11

    Hey you….I know we have talked about this a few times and I DO agree that you know what you want and that you fully understand the details of having not just a baby but a family and raising another person…with that said I will simply answer your question of Why Not? Why not? Your parents will not allow you to get married right now, it will be another year and a half before you can legally get married, if you cannot wait a year and a half for the benefit of your own child then what other areas of patience will you practice in your life? I know you have experience with a screaming baby in the middle of the night, great, that will help you tremendously…what kind of legacy do you want to leave? The kind of legacy that goes against your parents? When your baby is 16 and wants to get pregnant on purpose, whether they have your responsibility or not what will you do? They WILL and I promise you use the whole, YOU DID IT why cant I?….the choices you make right now in this moment will carry through your life….YOU may be perfectly capable of making these decisions and carrying the weight of the consequences, good and bad…you cannot speak for your bf or your future kids….dying to ourselves is part of being a mom…sometimes we have to put what WE want on hold for the best interest of our family….if you cannot wait and put this particular WANT on hold then no matter how much you know, have practiced etc…you may not have what it takes to put other things on hold….can you acknowledge that waiting is BEST for all of you? If you can acknowledge that then purposely going against that counsel shows a selfish heart…I do not say this to hurt you, only to reveal deeper than surface truths that I have had to experience with painful repercussions…Because I KNOW you are the mature, responsible woman you are I KNOW that you have what it takes to wait and do this right…I hope you will see that within yourself as well and be patient…you WILL be a wonderful mom, I KNOW it…but please, start practicing NOW by waiting…Love Meg

    #28107
    AvatarAnonymous

    Maybe this is just because I had a really bad day today, with a wedding-related fiasco, but I’ not sure what you mean by ‘do this right’. I don’t really see the difference between being married before, or after. To me and Kyle, it’s all the same. We act like a married couple already, and the actual marriage itself with just be to have the legal part of it covered. My parents may sign consent for a shotgun wedding if Kyle joins the army anyway. There’s a lot of things up in the air surrounding my parents, though. But, I just don’t see that the difference is, for us personally. I know it is different for everyone, though. And I respect your opinion. I just don’t really see how a year makes much of a difference in how it benefits our child and future children. So, would you mind elaborating? haha. (sorry, I’m really emotionally drained from today, or this post would have been more coherent.)

    #28109
    AvatarAnonymous

    okay first off I’m not her “bf” I’m her Fiance. whether the insult was intentional or not it does stick out. exactly what benefit does our children gain from Megan and i being married?

    The kind of legacy that goes against your parents?

    i don’t understand why your apart of this community. obviously every teenage parent goes against there parents when they become pregnant intentionally or not. especially when your parent(s) demand that you get an abortion. But its also different if your considered an adult in a years time and not five years time. AND if you have plans on where your life is moving and if your already on the track.

    When your baby is 16 and wants to get pregnant on purpose, whether they have your responsibility or not what will you do?

    who’s to say that they will? they might be work driven like most people these days or gay. know one knows.

    They WILL and I promise you use the whole, YOU DID IT why cant I?

    anyone who uses such pitiful excuses is very immature and is solid proof that they aren’t worthy of being parents and that would be pointed out to the child and made clear that they have some growing up to do. if they decided to become pregnant regardless then they will be growing up really fast. But obviously it wont ever come to that due to how the child will be raised.

    the choices you make right now in this moment will carry through your life..

    iv heard this before. someone said that they wanted to travel but couldn’t because of having a baby, someone else said that they missed partying with all their friends while they were waking up every other hour to feed the baby. honestly i don’t care about any of that. i don’t want to travel anywhere and i don’t party. The only things i enjoy involve me not leaving my house. SO its pretty convenient for moi.

    YOU may be perfectly capable of making these decisions and carrying the weight of the consequences, good and bad…you cannot speak for your bf or your future kids

    i dont understand the kids part..are you saying having kids in general is bad? we as human beings never ask to be born. so we wouldn’t be even able to speak for our children to be and she is absolutely capable of making these decisions and speaking for me due to the fact of us constantly talking about our future and planning things out and agreeing on everything.

    best interest of our family

    and what family is there when all they want is for you to live their way, their lives?

    can you acknowledge that waiting is BEST for all of you?

    i personally cannot and i dont see why we should either. im aloud joining the military at the age of 16 im 17 and will be 18 in less than a months time. it sounds as if you don’t know this..but the military provides a wealthy pay check bi weekly, health benefits and housing. perfect living conditions for my children. never having to move from house to house. never having to go without food or hydro.

    now your last line..

    start practicing NOW by waiting.

    meaning..wait now to have children to gain the patience you already have..so your calling us impatient because we want to start our family and move on with our lives like most kids want to do at this age..but wait..this isn’t what today’s day in age kids want?!??!?! what sin!!!!! today’s day in age is all about work until your 30’s so then you end up raising the 5 kids you want until your 50s! but then world war 3 happens and finishes and the baby boomers come back.

    Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to let it out

    venting is always good babe, you just gotta be careful as to where you vent it out.

    #28110
    AvatarMeg11

    My point was that if her parents are not ready to sign consent then there must be a reason for it….if she cannot marry you with their blessing then I feel it is important to wait for that, the issue of them forcing an abortion is WAAAAY different and has no comparison when it comes to “disobeying”….I simply said what I did, I am ALL FOR you two getting married and starting a family, with what Megan has shared with me, her goals, dreams and ambitions I would say the sooner the better, however if her parents are not ready to sign consent, I think it is ALWAYS better to start a marriage and a family in peace with the rest of the family….if she is of legal age and they do not want you two married that is THEIR problem, but until they give that permission and she is a minor they have that say….I have NO PROBLEMS with starting a family young, having kids as an older teenager etc….I personally just feel and it is backed by the statistics that show children born to married couples have a much more solid sense of security, do better in school etc…I know there are exceptions to the rule and before you get all up in my case you may want to review the emails between Megan and I and see that I have supported her goals and dreams and edified her and encouraged her and built her up as a future mom…I KNOW she will be a great parent….my only statement is that you two should get married FIRST….is that really such a big deal to wait for? I know the difference, you do not….I got married with kids in tow, it was hard for THEM, when we are parents it is ALL ABOUT THE KIDS….think of THEM…you have not joined the services YET, you do not have that wealthy paycheck YET, you do not have the medical benefits YET…will it really hurt you to wait? NO…Can it hurt you AND your kids to NOT wait? YES…that is my point…if you go and join the services and God forbid something happen to you, your children will be provided for but NOT Megan, unless she is your WIFE….The military does not support girl friends or fiances, they take care of WIVES…all I am saying is get married before you have kids, if there is even a shred of something that could go wrong do you want to risk it? You have NOTHING to loose by waiting but you do risk certain things by NOT waiting….My husband and I have already decided that if our daughter is 16, 17, 18 and she meets her match, the one, and he is in a position to support her we will sign the papers and let her marry while she is still in high school…I am NOT against teenagers KNOWING WHAT THEY WANT…I am just a firm believer in doing things the cautious way, if there is a risk, wait, its worth it…I will finish the thread with this statement…if you KNOW what you want and DO NOT care for advice then don’t ask for it….I answered a question, I did NOT push my beliefs, I did NOT volunteer an opinion that was NOT asked for….If you have made up your mind then that is all there is to it but don’t keep asking for advice if you are not willing to hear and listen…if a 15 year old is perfectly capable of driving a car, owns a car and is really good at handling it, great…however until they have their license they are not LEGAL…by not being legal you cannot purchase insurance, you get in a wreck with no insurance and you are going to regret it….so sure, you want to start a family, you are well practiced and physically capable of doing so but is it wise just yet? I hope you two make really good decisions, I have NO DOUBT that you will live a long and happy life together and have a blessed and wonderful family….I just hope that you will do things in a way that does not burn bridges or put yourselves into a bad situation…Love Meg

    #28111
    AvatarAnonymous

    Well, I understand what you’re saying here Meg, and I do appreciate your input. I wasn’t looking for ways to change my mind, just trying to understand why people view this as such a bad thing for us. So, thank you. 🙂

    It isnt’ so much the fact that my parent’s don’t want us to get married. My family loves Kyle, and they treat him like he’s already part of the family. (with the exception of my father, but as far as I’m concerned, he is no longer a part of my life anyway). My mom just has a thing where she doens’t want to ‘bend the rules’ ie; sign for me to get married, get a tattoo etc under 18. And I understand that, but by having a family now, and then getting officially married in a year, it’s not really going against my family’s wishes.

    Also, I do understand what you mean from a legal stand point. But I’d also like to say that my brother was born out of wedlock, and then 5 years down the road my parents were married and it was fine. He was always with both our parents, and they even tried for another baby before they were engaged. My dad didn’t even propose to my mom until after they got pregnant the second time around, and then ended up having a miscarriage. Kyle asked me to marry him before we ever got pregnant or decided to try again, and we have always been committed to each other.

    I guess it’s just my personal opinion, because I’ve seen it happen within my family, but I don’t see how being married shortly after our baby is born will make very much of a difference. If we have concieved this past cycle, our baby will be four months old when we get officially married. They won’t really know the difference. We will both always be there, and be taking care of them, so htey will be perfectly happy whether we’re married or not for that short time. That’s the point I was trying to make yesterday, but I was completely emotionally drained and my mind wasn’t really lucid.

    Also, this marriage point may end up being moot if I don’t get pregnant in the next few months, because I may turn 18 during my pregnancy and we’ll be able to go get the papers in order before I deliver.

    This is kind of a side point, but as we live in Canada, the majority of our health care needs are paid for by the government. The insurance from the military if for, say if you was a private room in the hospital instead of being in a ward, or semi-private. The government health care only pays for the ward. Insurance will cover the semi-private of private room if you decide you want that. SO my basic needs would be covered in the event of something happening to Kyle before we are married. Although, seeing as Canada isn’t deploying anyone else into the actual war, it’s not very likely that he would be out in direct harms way. But I know, accidents happen everyday.

    Basically what I’m trying to say is, I don’t think a couple months will make a hue difference in our child’s life, especially considering they will be an infant at the time. And also, you neverknow. My mom may change her mind when Kyle joins the forces, if I’m pregnant at the time.

    #28112
    AvatarLaremar

    HI guys!
    I just have to ask…why are you and Kyle in such a hurry to have a baby? You are sooooo young!! Do you realize how much responsibility and time consuming babies/children are? And Kyle is in the military?? MeganElizabeth…you may be raising a child all on your own if he’s off in the military??!! My husband and I both share all the responsibilities with our daughter equally (except I get to stay home with her), and its ALOT of work. Can’t you just enjoy being young, having fun and enjoy each others love? My husband and I met in college when we were 21. We didn’t get married till 9 years later and then started having children in our early 30’s. We wanted to enjoy vacations, parties, sporting events…all of which u can’t really do with a baby. Children need to be your first priority, everything else comes after. Also, children are VERYYY expensive! My husband has a very good job, and we still struggle sometimes. The price of diapers just went up, and they were already outrageously expensive. Just think about it…i know you have thought about it, but maybe your family is right on waiting (till the time is totally right), because they know what the burden of a child can bring to your relationship and your wallet.

    Good luck to you both! I wish you the best! I am always here to talk with. Just wanted to share my thoughts with you, considering we have been there..exactly where u two have been. There is NO way we would have been able to take care of a baby right out of college, being that young. 🙁

    Lara

    #28113
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hey Lara,

    I’m gunna preface this by saying I’m going to try and be as polite as I can, but constantly explaining this story grates on me, so if I seem rude, it’s not on purpose, I promise :).

    When I moved in with Kyle in June, his mom had just given birth to her first daughter, and fourth child, Aubrey. She was in a custody battle for her other two boys, who are 7 and 9 right now. Her boyfriend is horrible abusive, and an alcoholic/drug addict. He had endangered the lives of Kyle, his mom and Aubrey while she was still in the womb by abusing Kyle’s mom, Kristi. This story is horrendously long, so I’ll try to cut it down as much as I can. This guy Kristi was with hated Kyle, and me and hated having her other two boys around. So they were keeping it a secret from everyone that I was moving in. For the first couple weeks, it was okay. But then Kristi said that I had to go home beause she didn’t want anyone finding out I was living with them, and Kyle said he wasn’t making me go home by myself (back then things with me and my family were really rocky, that’s why I moved out.) So he ended up coming with me, and we stayed for two weeks. While we were gone, Kristi was assaulted visciously by her boyfriend, and a woman he was friends with, in front of 1 month old Aubrey. Thankfully, Aubrey was not hurt, but Kristi had bruises covering both of her whole biceps. She claims he did it by accident. He was arrested, and given an order of no contact for Kristi and Aubrey. That’s when she asked us to come home. The night we got back, Kristi was out at a bar, and Aubrey was with her boyfriend’s sister, who brought her back the next afternoon. Kristi looked very run down, so when Aubrey came back I told Kristi that I would watch Aubrey for the night if she wanted to get some rest. She accepted, but instead of going to bed, she went out again. She was gone for three days. She came back for a day, then left on another stint for a couple days. This repeated for a while, then she finally came home and stayed. Then, things started to get messy. She was in contact with her boyfriend, and was trying to get him to come back (against his conditions of release, might I add). Her boys were there for a two week visit, and Kyle and I were there as well. So when he came back, she made us hide in Kyle’s room all day, and all night unless he was at work. We couldn’t go get a drink, or go to the bathroom, or anything. She snuck us in dinner, and we were able to get food while he was at work, but it was still a horrible way to live. There were also other incidents where she would kick us out and we would walk around the city all day, and when we came back she would have us sleep in the tiny laundry room of the apartment, just so her boyfriend would stay. One day, they got in a big fight, and he came home from work screaming and yelling, so one of her neighbors called the cops, who arrested him. From that point on, he lived in his office at work. When the boys went home, that’s when the real trouble started. We’re in August now, and Aubrey is about 6 weeks old. She left at night, took him dinner and stayed there all night, leaving me and Kyle to look after aubrey. She stopped paying rent and hydro at this point, as well s began to sparsley buy us groceries, and buy Aubrey formula. Anyway, she would come back the next afternoon, have a shower, then go back all day, come home to make dinner, then go back for the night. Repeat that for a month. Then we started school. Or we should have. We went for about 2 weeks, not consecutively, and then had to give up on going altogether because she would call us back to watch Aubrey for her around lunch time. So then, we would get up with Aubrey and look after her until aorund 10-11 when Kristi came home. She would kiss Aubrey hello, then have a shower, and sit in the bathroom smoking and texting her boyfriend until she could go back to be with him. So yeah, you get it. We looked after Aubrey’s every need. We bathed her, changed her, fed her, got up with her, etc. I would use my own money that my mom would send me for groceries to buy diapers, formula and wipes and anything else Aubrey needed. In September, I got pregnant, so I was going without enough food, so I lost weight as my body fed on itself to supply my baby with nutrients. Kyle and I lived in constant fear, because the landlord was always coming around looking for Kristi, because she was dodging him with the rent payments. A few times the power got cut off and Kyle’s poor grandmother, completely oblivious, paid for it to be turned back on. Also, she gave Kristi 1500 dollars to pay back the landlord. What did she do with it? Take Aubrey to Edmonton with her boyfriend. And when they came back, Aubrey stayed with us yet again, day and night. We also looked after her other sons when they visited on weekends. I cooked for them when we had food, packed their lunched and made sure they had all their school stuff. We helped them do their homework, and made sure they bathed, brushed their teeth and went to bed on time. This is how it went until December, when the landlord issued a notice of eviction (the final notice, there had been previous notices, and she did nothing about them and skipped the hearing). That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. I called my brother, who told us to pack our stuff because he was coming to pick us up in a few days. Kristi was livid, and pretty much disowned Kyle. She treated him like a husband, not a son. At this point I was three months pregnant. When we got back, I finally got to see a doctor, and shortly after that we found out I had lost my baby amid that chaos.

    So, yes. We do know everything that comes with raising a baby. We are both fully aware of the demands of a child, and a family. I am also aware that I will be doing it alone while he is away, and I did the majority of the work with Aubrey, so I am prepared for that as well. He hasn’t decided what position in the army he wants to take yet, so he may be home more than he is away. But either way, I know I will be doing stuff by myself for some part of the time.

    Meg and I email back and forth, so she knows the ins and outs of Kyle and I’s lifestyle as I’ve explained it to her, but as you and I haven’t really talked, I’ll give you the run down. Kyle and I don’t party, and we spend most of our time in our pj’s. I do a lot of cleaning and all the cooking in our house, aswell. We don’t have any real travel aspirations, and ‘having fun’ to us, directly translates into ‘having a family’. As crappy as the siuation was, Kyle and I had fun taking on the responsibility of raising Aubrey for those months. We want the responsibility of having a family, and we want it now as opposed to later on.

    I apologize for being vague in my first post about our history, that was my fault. But I hope now this gives you a better picture of who we are. I just turned 17, and I feel like I’m 30. I know how to keep a household running, and how to budget and balance a check book. This just feels right to us. :side:

    #28144
    AvatarAnonymous

    I just want to add in here that you are both wrong about the military. It will not solve all of your problems and a lot of times it can make things worse. BTDT It is NOT at all what you think.

    I think you two should wait until you have complete stability in your life. That means steady job, steady income, a house to call your own, and marriage. Right now I would be concentrating on your relationship. You need to be out enjoying each other. Most marriages fail because they didn’t give themselves time to be a couple.

    YOU are being selfish by bringing a baby into this world that you cannot fully support yet. You think you are ready for a baby but yet you still live at home. That right there is a big reason to wait. A lot of things can go wrong in a pregnancy. Are you prepared for that? There is a reason why most people wait to have babies. Have you even graduated high school? What is going to happen to you if something were to happen to your SO? You need a safety net and it takes time to build one. Please think about this.

    I know. I got pregnant and had my first child at 17, second at 19, third and forth at 22.

    #28153
    AvatarAnonymous

    First of all, I don’t appreciate your tone. There’s no call for being flat out rude to me jsut because you are older and are assuming things about me and my fiance Kyle.

    We never once said the military will solve all our problems. Kyle’s father is an active member of the Forces, so we are well aware of what living the life brings. Not just what is advertised by the government. We wouldn’t be planning such things without having all the information. We’re not stupid, despite what you think.

    As I said before, we are getting married next spring. We both are from split families, so we know how easy it is for a marriage to fail. We have been in the situation of raising a child before, as I have already stated, and we managed to make us time in that hell of a situation. We did just find and came out of it stronger than ever.

    It is completely unnecessary to be so rude. Also, I’m tired of people acting like it’s just me in this. It’s a two-person decision. We haven’t just started dating. We HAVE thought it all through, and figured out what we will need to have & do to give our child everything he/she deserves. We will not be on government assistance, and we will be moving BEFORE the baby is even born. The reason we are trying now, is because we don’t know how long it will take to concieve, but we will have ample time even if we get pregnant now. My brother is getting married in October and we are all moving into seperate places. (Him, his fiance and his friend live in the upstairs of the house, My mom, Kyle and I live in the basement of the house, and we all contribute to rent).

    No, I haven’t graduated, but I have already gotten information on an acelerated home-schooling program so I can graduate from home. I had a miscarriage three months ago, so yes I am well aware of the fact that things can go wrong in a pregnancy, and I am fully prepared to have to deal with something unexpected. As I’ve repeated over and over, we know what we are getting into.

    I’d like to apologize for sounding like a b****, but as I said at the top, I do not at all appreciate the tone you used in responding to this thread. It is uncalled for, and insulting that you are talking to me as if I am thirteen, without a clue as to what I am doing.

    #28155
    AvatarAnonymous

    I was in no way being a b****. I am however telling you that bringing a baby into this world while you are still living at home with no steady income is a BAD idea and it is not fair of those around you either. I don’t say this because I’m older. I say this because I have been there and done that. Children need stability and you cannot offer that right now. As you said, you do not even have your high school diploma yet. MY last pregnancy I had to stay on complete bedrest from 6 weeks gestation until I delivered at 35 weeks. Since I could not function, we had to move in with family. It has been a mess ever since. But that is not my point. Having a baby right now for you is simply just a selfish decision. You are not thinking about anyone other than yourself. If you want your children to have the best in life, go get an education and/or a steady job first.

    #28156
    AvatarAnonymous

    AND this is what your SO said about the military: “but the military provides a wealthy pay check bi weekly, health benefits and housing. perfect living conditions for my children. never having to move from house to house. never having to go without food or hydro.”

    OBVIOUSLY you have no idea what you are getting into. That statement is really ignorant and for the most part wrong.

    #28157
    AvatarLaremar

    Wow! Megan Elizabeth…I would say, if you can’t handle people responding to your posts, then I wouldn’t post it at all. You seem very set on your ways and how you want Kyle and yours future to be, so then I am not sure why you even express your thoughts, when you can’t handle what people are saying. Both maeghanalyson and I are ALOT older than you..we are not judging you AT ALL, we are such stating the truth and how it was for us. We are all women here just looking out for one another!! Good luck!!!

    #28158
    AvatarLaremar

    FYI: I don’t like getting in the middle of people’s business…but everyone needs to be careful with what we say here..People’s feelings can get hurt very easily…including myself.

    #28162
    AvatarTaylaFaith

    Hey, just my thoughts…

    I do believe it’s best to wait until marriage to have sex.
    That said, I think it’s wonderful that you and Kyle are open to having a baby. So many young people (including some of my friends) think it is best to put off having kids, if they want to have any or get married at all. So I think it’s neat that you two do want kids. There is also growing evidence that contraception can harm relationships because it prevents you from giving all of yourself to your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. (I am NOT pointing fingers at anyone, on this site or off, so please don’t take this offensively in anyway). Raising a kid can definitely help a relationship, not kill it. My parents raised six kids and it has really helped their relationship, they also lost a baby (my brother). All of us kids are really good friends (this doesn’t mean there isn’t the occasional fight or misunderstanding though lol).

    Just to offer some support, Megan and Kyle. I do think it’s good that you want to have a baby, and I wish you both all the best in life 🙂

    #28164
    AvatarAnonymous

    Lara, I have no problem with advise. I have a problem with the rudeness. It’s as mucha s slapping me in the face when you come to a post and start bashing my decisions. If you want to give me your advice or your opinion, great; bring it on. But not if you’re going to be rude to me and treat me like a thirteen year old. I am a lot younger than you, yes. But that is no call for treating me with disrespect. (I’m not saying you did it, I’m just saying in general).

    You may not be doing it intentionally, but I am feeling very judged by you, Maeghan. And I don’t appreciate not being able to feel safe with my own opinion and decision. I didn’t ask to be talked out of it, and I know it will not be easy. But I want the challenge and responsibility. And I don’t think you can judge what it will be like for me, Kyle and our children and call us selfish. I know, that’s how it was for you. But I find it unfair to me for you to make a snap judgement just like that based solely on what you, one person, went through. I understand where you’re coming from, though. I do. I just wish you would open up to really seeing my side. As for what Kyle said, I don’t see what part of that is wrong. That’s just some stuff that’s a given. Affordable on base housing, a 1500 bi-weekly paycheck, a great health and dental insurance plan and as a family, we won’t have to go through what he did as a kid; going with out food, without hydro, moving constantly because of eviction. Relocation moves may happen, but it won’t ever be because we couldn’t provide for our kids.

    TaylaFaith, thank you for your input as well. I originally never wanted children, until I met and fell for Kyle. But we want a big family and we want to strt our family young. We don’t want to put it off and be older, like my parents when our kids are in highschool. My mom’s turning fifty this summer, and my grandma would have been 90 this year. I’m planning on breaking the cycle of older mothers in my family. I want to still have energy to run around with my kids. We want to have our kids close in age as well. We have gone over and over different options and have decided that this is what we want. We want to be parents, and we know we can do it and we can give our kids a great life. We will be able to support them and give them the stability they need, I know it and believe it. I know it doesn’t seem like a good idea, and maybe it looks like we are being selfish. I didn’t mena for this post to be a debate or for people to try and talk me out of it. I was just wondering why people might think it’s a bad idea GIVEN OUR SITUATION. sorry if that got misconstrude.

    #28165
    AvatarAnonymous

    I also have a question for you, TaylaFaith. I was just wondering how close you and your siblings are with your parents?

    Kyle wants 6 kids, and I want a big family too, but I always worry about my relationship with each kid individually suffering if we have so many children. I know I will love them all the ame, and have time for them all, I just worry about the relationship between us all suffering because of the sheer number of us.

    #28166
    Avatarbabygal0322

    Well i am a mom at 17 to a 4 month old and are you calling me selfish for having my child? even though it wasn’t planned i would have never gotten an abortion or gave my son up for adoption. He is everything to me and i am still in school. I DO NOT have a job and i STILL live at home but that DOES NOT make me a bad mother. My mom doesn’t take care of my son. Me and my boyfriend share the responsibility for raising our son. He dropped out of high school but he has a job. Even though we aren’t “STABLE” we still manage and do a great job at being parents. It doesn’t matter what age you are it matters how mature you are and how well you can handle stress and care for a child. I’m not saying Yeah go ahead and have a baby because its not easy but you have to understand that everyone is not you. Even though her parents don’t approve right now i think that when that baby comes her parents will help out. I just found that very offensive because im not selfish for having a child young.

    #28167
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hey Coral,
    I think they’re referring more to me planning a baby young is selfish. Thank you for your post though, and you still make valid points.

    And for the record (this is to anyone who reads this), I do not expect my parents to care for my child. They will spend time with him/her obviously, but I will be taking care of them on a day-to-day basis and making sure they have what they need and are taken care of. As I’ve said many time, I know it will be hard, and it will be a huge challenge, but I want that challenge. There is never a time when having a baby is not hard, and sure it will be an extra challenge because we are young; but we want that. We want to start our family and we will be able to handle it, as we did before. We are planning to move out on our own by the time we have the baby. If worse comes to worse, and we are still with my mom we will still contribute and pay her back for anything she pays for. We will NOT be mooching, and we do not expect her to take care of everything for us. It will be our responsibility, not hers.

    #28506
    Avatarcare4sober

    Hi! I’ve read the comments and here’s one thing I can tell you:You know yourself better than anybody does. If you think you can stand by your decision, you can do it. Be optimistic.

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