whats wrong with me!

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  • #24605
    Avatarbernardette.x

    i had an abortion nearly nine months ago and it is killing me day by day.

    i cant get the memory of the place, the anasetic, the room, when i came round, the fact they take my baby from me.
    and then i think of the day i took the pregnancy test and how i had never been happier- like all dreams had come true- all i ever wanted was to be a mum.

    No matter what i do i cant move on- i cant do anything.
    i know this sounds bad but i even hate being around woman that are pregnant.
    i dont know whats wrong with me.

    i cry myself to sleep everynight- my boyfriend doesnt really talk about how he feels or anything- he just says its not my fault and that i couldnt of done anything.

    i know theres nothing i can do now but i just want my baby back.

    I hate talking to my mum- i hate thats its her that has done this to me
    Parents are supposed to protect you and support you every day. not alot of protecting and supporting she has done; i bet she has forgotton about everything!

    Whats wrong with me?!!

    #24623
    Avatarmyangelsinheaven

    I didn’t read this post until I replied to your last one about your stomach still showing the spot where your baby was growing. I apologize for not reading this one first, but now I know how you’re feeling about your abortion.

    What’s wrong…is that you are mourning the loss of life!! You are human and are feeling the effects of a terrible decision to end your babies life. Not brought on by yourself I can tell…you were obviously pushed into it by your mother. You’re right, a mothers role is to be loving, nurturing, and accepting even in the light of mistakes. She has been led to believe that a vicious act of murder is the answer to her daughters choice to have sex. Her oppinion, tragically, is shared most people in the world today. You are feeling the effects of her choice…..and it will be painful for the rest of your life. But there are many girls who have lived through your same situation and who are now on this site to help others like you. They have gone through the sleepless nights crying, sweats, anger, bitterness, confusion and feelings of emptiness. God is giving you the appropriate feelings after such a terrible trauma. You are normal!! Those are very real and valid feelings and you would be inhuman not to feel what you are. Let the tears come, cry as much as your body will allow, mourn for your little one and if you don’t have any faith in your life now…..you could begin to pray for God to come into your life to help guide you through this pain. Your boyfriend is right, if you were forced to go to the abortion clinic by your mother and she signed the paperwork etc….you absolutely did not have a chance to look into your options and therefore had no idea how to act in defense. I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain you feel will go through many phases….let them happen and be open with your boyfriend as much as possilbe to help him open up eventually. Let him know how you’d like to talk about this when the time is right and let him know you’re there to listen to him.

    This will be a long journey to a place of understanding and peace about what has happened, but we are all here to help you along that path. God will not abandon you, He is already with you, and if you don’t feel His presence just say His name. Stay in contact with this website as much as possible while going through this recovery period and we will all try to help you.

    My you find peace and receive healing.
    myangelsinheaven

    #24635
    AvatarEvangeline

    Hi Hunny,
    I am so sorry to hear that yr still dealing with so much sadness and regret. I wish that there was some way that I could help make this burden lighter for you to bare.
    In practical terms, what yr feeling is refered to as complicated grief… in short, you are a mother who had her baby taken from her in a brutal and unnatural manner and what you’re feeling is normal under such abnormal circumstances.
    You are also still angry with your mother and have every right to be, but in order to heal you will have to learn to forgive. I know how that must sound to you, I remember when my own p.doc told me that I would have to forgive somone who had abused me in everyway possible… the truth is that it has to be done. All the hurt, anger and resentment will eat you alive. I’m also not saying you should pretend that nothing’s wrong, your mother neeeds to own up to her part in hurting you this badly an dtake responsibility for the role she played in all this.

    Hun, yr allowed to mourn yr baby and feel sad about lossing him/her. It’s what makes you human. The decision wasn’t yrs, but yr mother’s and your bf, your baby and your God knows this…. they have all already forgiven you, now you need to learn to forgive yourself.

    Much love and hugs,
    Eva xoxo

    #24649
    AvatarKanye

    Its so sad how we are forced into doing things we don’t want to do:( I had an abortion on the 7th of April 2008,i totally understand.Truth is there is nothing wrong with you,you are in mourning phase.The pain will never end,you will never forget but once you forgive your mom & most importantly yourself-it will get better trust me on that.And even though you might not feel it at the present moment-God still loves you,no matter what. Grace-peace-love,Kanye

    #24669
    Avatarsophia roses mummy

    hey hunni

    i just wanted to say that nothings wrong with you and i feel the exsact same but i am pregnant again and my mum is being just as crul as last time (8months ago) the abortion doest ever seem to go away does it? but i serriusly hope it does get better one of my friends sisters had a abortion when she was 19 years old now shes 25years old and i was talking to her last week when i was in a really low and upset and emotional mood and she said there is one point in your life when you have forgiven yourself and you have forgiven the past you do feel much better but it is very hard, i know it is and im so sorry your still in so much paine and to be honest with you so am i and now im pregnant again and it does not fill the missing gap in your heart and in your mind and in your soul

    im here for you if you ever wana chat 🙂

    much love and hugs gabby xxxxxxxxxx

    stay strong sweetie

    #24695
    Avatarbernardette.x

    Everyone is saying this is normal- but this feels like the most un normal thing in the world.
    My baby was taken from me; why?!
    thats what i dont understand; im i that bad of a person that no one would of stuck by me and support me and my baby?!
    would i of made such a bad mother?!

    Everyone that knows acts like its not a big deal!
    am i the only person that thinks it is!
    to me it is a huge deal!!!

    i want my baby back!!

    thats all i want!

    x

    #24697
    Avatardelaneysmama1

    hi hun .

    i’m so sorry your going through these you and your angel will be in my toughts and prayers.
    x

    #24730
    Avatarmyangelsinheaven

    Poppet,

    Hello luv, I was going to reply to your other recent post about being 1 week late. Eva did a fine job in replying to that one, I wanted to leave that one alone. I am, however, replying to your recent post in this manner…..I want you to read every one of your posts, since you came on here. Read them carefully!!! I’ve read every one of them and I get it!! Why don’t you???? Your new posts talks about how your boyfriend wants this…..your mum wants that and she will do this…..and so on. What does any of that matter???? Turn to your heart, and the voice of God speaking to you and ignore what is going on outside.

    If you don’t…and you let them and their selfish ideas twist your thinking around again, you will also lose this precious baby to abortion. (if you are pregnant)

    I will be praying for you,
    myangel

    #24778
    Avatarbernardette.x

    i know what you mean myangel.
    its just, well i dont know. i fell like i have to please everyone except myself; like i dont matter.

    by the way i came on my period x

    #24788
    Avatarmyangelsinheaven

    I’ve just said a prayer for you Poppet. I’ve prayed that now that you’ve begun your new cycle and are not pregnant, you will begin to make healthier decisions about love and giving too much too soon to your boyfriend. Look at where you’ve been emotionally these last few months with everything not to mention physically and spiritually. This whole ordeal has taken you through so many phases and has left a mark on your life that will never be erased. But, the old cycle doesn’t have to be repeated. You don’t have to go through that again, ever!! If you decide you’ve had enough of living with risks, worry, fear, uncertainty, pressure and lonliness from loved ones, then now is the time to begin a new lifestyle.

    ABSTAINE FROM SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE!!
    There are worse things in the world to endure, (cancer, AIDS)….more important things that people go without, (food, shelter, clothing, jobs)
    It is not an unreasonable bit of advice I’m suggesting to you. It can be done!! It is accomplished by many young teens who chose a better life of purity and chastity, (some who have engaged in premarital sex in the past, as well as those who have always lived a life of chastity.) These aren’t the stone ages where anything goes, although society would have all of us believe that is the case and that there is no accountability or responsibility for bad choices. Society will lead you to believe in promiscuous behavior, improper dress, casual dating, and premarital sex as being the norm. What they don’t want you to know is the damage that is left in the wake of living in such a life.

    You have the strength inside to change your life! I will pray for you to find it.

    God bless you,
    myangel

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