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July 14, 2007 at 6:48 am #18258misunderstood
My name is Brittany and Im 16. I have had a loving a caring boyfriend who is 18 for 9 months now. A couple days ago mon. July 9th We decided to have sex and the condom broke. We had already been active and Im taking birthcontrol and we use a condom every time. The only problem is I have early signs of pregnancy. I have to wait until my missed period in order to take the test. At least thats what the box says. I can’t sleep at night because I feel sick and have cramping. This is not normal for me. I’m really scared because if I am pregnant my parents would kill me and my boyfriend. They found out that we had sex and had a major freakout. I was told I wasn’t able to see my boyfriend and that I was grounded for a long time. This lasted maybe 3 months and things with my family are just starting to go good. So if I’m really pregnant, I don’t know what to do…I wanna keep it, but i just feel that nobody would support me except for my boyfriend. Plus my parents will probably tell me to consider abortion and I have heard from people who have done it. Some are happy they did and others regret it alot. So until the 22-24 I will be stressing and hoping for my period. Any suggestions would be great.July 14, 2007 at 8:10 am #18261Meg11
Hi Brittany, My name is Meg and I help out on the site…do your parents know that you are on birth control??? If they allow you to use it then that means they condone you being sexually active…whether they want you to be or not that is how it is…therefore when my daughter is older I will not allow her to use birth control unless it is right before her wedding so she will have it in her system…if she chooses to have sex behind our backs and gets pregnant than she will have the baby and face the music…I think if your parents don’t want you to get pregnant they shouldn’t put you on birth control…it is just telling you that it is ok to have sex before you are married…now if they don’t know you are on birth control and they don’t know that you have started having sex again with this guy then we are in a different situation…you have gone behind their backs and went against their wishes for you….they grounded you for 3 months the first time and you were not even pregnant….I bet you are scared to tell them…I would be too….but…you do need to realize that your parents love you and they know what is best for you and they are trying to do their parts as a parent and protect you…if you turn out to be pregnant they are going to be unspeakably angry and dissapointed and they have a right to be so..but…if you are pregnant they don’t have ANY right to FORCE you to get an abortion…they can haul you to the clinic and tie you to the table but if you tell the "abortionist" that you are being forced and that you want the baby they CANNOT do it…its law….but for now until you know where you Stand….please hear me out….I lost my virginity at 13 and I continued to be sexually active for 10 years…in that time I had slept with too many guys to want to admit and I had had a baby and found myself pregnant again…when I got pregnant with my second it’s like a light bulb went off in my head and I suddenly understood why we need to wait till marriage to have sex…out of marriage sex is a vicious cycle of sex, breakup, rebound, sex…with so many more emotional hangups to fill in the details with…from the sounds of it your boyfriend is your first….what happens when you breakup??? you are not a virgin anymore, you will give in to another guy a million times easier than you gave into him….and if you breakup with the next guy, you will hop in bed with someone else even quicker than him….ask almost any girl on this site and they will tell you its true…I will be the first to tell you that I was stuck, trapped, a slave to that cycle….you can make the choice of abstinence even before you find out if you are pregnant or not…I made that choice when I was pregnant with my second…I remained abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night….I felt so used up like rotting trash left on the road…I felt like no one would ever want to marry me so why not just have sex with a guy…maybe he would find some reason to love me and maybe stick around for a while….that is not life…that is not "love", you are giving yourself away to a guy that you probably will not have any contact with in 5 years, and will probably not remember his last name in 10 years and probably wont remember his face in 20 years…that is unless you have a baby with him and you see him in your child everyday…you are setting yourself up for failure if you continue to have sex outside of marriage…if this guy loves you and respects you he will go to your parents with you holding your hands while you are both in tears and he will apologize to your parents for betraying their trust and for putting you in a compromising position…and then if you are pregnant he will pledge to stick by your side and provide for the baby and if it is what you both want and your parents agree then you should get married and not have sex until then….or if you are not pregnant he should still ask their forgiveness and you both should ask your parents and your friends to help you stay accountable…that is what my husband and I did before we were married…we would invite others along to do things with us so that we were not alone a whole bunch…and the times when we were alone we would just stare at each other like we were going to lunge at one another…LOL….we tried to avoid that happening to the best of our ability and we did make it to our wedding night without having sex….abstinence is not easy but it is worth it….it is rewarding and it leaves you full and content unlike sex before marriage…it leaves you scared and shameful….please..confess to your parents and tell them that you are making a choice to remain abstinent…if you find out you are pregnant they might take the news better if you assure them that you have learned this time unlike last time….I am here for you and if you have any questions just leave me a note and I will get back to you…I care for you and I want you to see that you are special and precious and you shouldn’t be having sex with this guy…you deserve more than that….Love MegJuly 14, 2007 at 9:40 am #18263misunderstood
Thanks meg. well my parents did put me on birth control and my boyfriend has already told me that he will stick by me no matter what happens. I have had a couple boyfriends before, but none as special as him. Thank you for your advice and abstinence sounds like a good idea until I’m married. i hate feeling worried about pregnancy. so I really hope I don’t end up pregnant.July 14, 2007 at 10:32 am #18264Meg11
Hey again…you are welcome…if sharing my story can help one person make a different choice than I did then it was worth it for me to have gone through the "dirt" rather than them…in your case I am glad that you are going to chose abstinence…you wont regret it…I think we need more Stand Up Parents out there…I am sure your parents love you I know they want the best for you personally I think putting you on birth control is NOT looking out for your best interest…I just want to encourage you to be a Stand Up Girl even if your parents are not Stand Up Parents…you can make good choices even when they provide for you to make poor ones…I am proud of you and I think you are going to be just fine whether you end up being pregnant this time or not….let us all know when you find out and until then take care of your self and slow down and enjoy life…Love MegJuly 14, 2007 at 1:23 pm #18265ilovejesse51905
I hope everything turns out for the best, but all you can do is just try to stay relaxed and you and your boyfriend support each other until the time comes to take the test! i wish you the best of luck! let us know what happens!July 21, 2007 at 5:52 pm #18358misunderstood
Just wanted to update. well I got my period! So I’m pretty sure Im not pregnant. That is such a relief and this time I’m gonna be careful and Im actually thinking about being abstinent. Im not sure. anyway Im really happy right now.July 27, 2007 at 4:58 pm #18459misunderstood
Well I guess this will be another update…. Not really good, but I was basically being my stupid self, which can get me in lots of trouble. Anyway I started a new packet of birth control on Sunday. I took it monday, but missed tuesday. So wednesday one thing led to another and my boyfriend and I had sex. We used a condom, but the stupid thing broke??? I thought they were supposed to help people with the chances of not getting pregnant. He put it on right and evrything. I just can’t believe this happened. Anyway I went to the pharmacist to ask what my chances were of getting pregnant. She said slim to none because I just got off my period and since I missed tuesday, wednesday I took 2 birthcontrol pills to make up for it. So now I get to worry again. Yeah for me….July 28, 2007 at 6:47 am #18467Meg11
Hey there it’s me again…I saw your update and I wanted to stop by and love on you…I know what it is like to be in a situation where one thing leads to another…I have two kids…when I met my husband be both made it clear from the start that we were not going to have sex until our wedding night…therefore I did not go on birth control because it would have made it easier to give in because fear of pregnancy wouldn’t have been as big of an issue, my suggestion sweetie is to get off the birth control…it may be making it harder for you to slow down and think first….I remember one specific time when me and my husband were hanging out…all alone, no kids…before we were married…we started kissing and then embracing each other closer and tighter..we were no longer sitting on the couch but laying down…I somehow came out of the "love daze" stood up, and told him he needed to leave…we both stood there, angry with each other because we had let ourselves slip into temptation…nothing happened but we still put ourselves in the position for something to happen…we talked for a moment, got on our knees, and we prayed…we asked forgiveness and we asked the Lord to continue to give us strength to stay pure…I quit saying yes when people wanted to keep my kids overnight so that we wouldn’t be tempted to stay up too late…if we went on a date we would have the sitter stay at my house and he would leave before the sitter did so we were not tempted to snuggle up for a while and kiss…we took the steps needed to stay pure…was it easy..NO…was it worth it YES!!!!!!, we are married now, we get to share a bed every night, we don’ t have to feel guilty…if I had been on birth control and if we kept condoms around "just in case" I can’t tell you if we would have waited until our wedding night…he had been married and I had kids so we were both not virgins…it was hard for us because we knew what sex was and we were attracted to each other physically and emotionally and spiritually…but…we knew that if we had broken the commitment to not have sex until we were married that it would be that much easier to break our marriage vows….if we couldn’t keep a promise before marriage, would we keep them IN marriage??? I started taking birth control before we got married so that it was in my system…I wasn’t quite sure when he was going to propose to me so I ended up taking it 4-5 months before I needed to but I didn’t tell him I was taking it…why??? because I didn’t want him to loose that "fear" of getting me pregnant if we slipped…we didn’t and I am so thankful…quit putting your trust in condoms and pills…make a commitment, make a vow, Stand Up, don’t hang out alone, don’t let things get hot and heavy, and if your boyfriend wont do the same then he only wants one thing and it is not to gaze at your beautiful smile….after you have said I do and you get to your honeymoon sweet have a blast, and if you want to, use condoms and birth control to prevent you from having children until you and your HUSBAND decide the time is right….but..stop putting yourself at risk for pregnancy, std’s and heartache…it’ s just not worth it…if I quit having sex after 10 years and waited until marriage then it is so much easier for you to stop after how long?? a year, a few months, one guy??? I will be praying for you and I am here to talk if you need me..Love Meg..I know that you can be a Stand Up Girl…
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