What should I do

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  • #25020
    Avatarjona

    I have a son who was a product of rape. I was 12 when I had him. I rarely get to see him because 1 he live very far from me and 2 everyone thought it would be better if I didn’t see him as a result I feel like I don’t know him. I don’t feel like I know other relatives of mine better and I have a hard time thinking of him as my son. He is only 4 now so I don’t think he cares too much. Right now I can’t be with him and it will be a couple of years before I can be with him. I feel like I don’t even want him and the only reason I am going to take care of him is because I have to.

    First does a child that young know or care that he doesn’t have a mother second how cans I make up for not loving him?
    Second wouldn’t it be better to give him up for adoption so somebody who does want him can take care of him and love him better than I can?
    I have never taken care of him and I cannot imagine giving up my life for him. Is it selfish to want to live my young adult years as a happy carefree person without a child I did not want and do not feel prepared to take care of?

    #25028
    AvatarCdebbie0

    Hey Jona

    Firstly, it must have been very difficult to have this baby to begin with.

    Secondly no one can really tell u what to do, u need to make a decision for yourself, and u need to be able to live with the consequences of ur decision. If u really feel that u cannot love this child, perhaps letting someone else look after him is not such a bad idea. Looking at an innocent child and being unwilling & unable to love him & look after him, is only going to hurt him. @4 he is able to understand what is going on. Kids suprose u, by remembering things that have already slipped ur mind. I personally in this situation would consider an open adoption, whereas someone else can offer him the love & support he needs, and u can still be in his life however often as u are comfortable with, perhaps one day u can sit down and discuss with him what has happened. But don’t hurt or abandon him… his a little blessing from God, u may not see that now, given the circumstances, but maybe he can be someone elses happiness???

    Sorry, hope this helps… Life is really difficult, and i hope u find a solution that fits u best!

    *hugs*
    Deb

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