- This topic has 11 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated by .
January 23, 2007 at 11:31 am #14663HeatherP87
My name is Heather and I am 19.
My boyfriend is 21 we have been together for 3 1/2 years.
I got pregnant about 7 1/2 months ago.
I told my boyfriend the second I found out.
His reaction was not the best and for about a month or so he was very mean to me and made comments like "maybe if we get into a car accident you won’t be able to have your stupid kid" and mean evil things like that everyday. We barley spoke for over a month. His mother didn’t help the situation either she told both of us that it was all my fault because it is 100% the womans responsibility to take care of birth control issues. And that I should have an abortion cause I know how he felt about the situation and that I didnt care about my boyfriend if I didn’t have an abortion and that I was ruining his life.
My boyfriend and I werent using condoms or birth control and he knew I wouldn’t have an abortion if I got pregnant and I knew he didnt want kids at his age so I personally feel we are both at fault since we both knew the cercumstances. Well finally I moved four hours away from him to be by my family. About a month after I moved he asked me if he could move in with me, he said he really wanted to make this work and that he was as ready as he was going to be for this responsibility. We discussed it and I explained things would have to change. He agreed and moved in. He has made a complete turn around he is a totally different person and is in love with his child already. She is due to be born April 4th 2007. And although he has changed and has stated that he knows he was worng for how he acted in the beginning and he told me he wasnt sure what to do he was scared and he felt the only thing he could do was be angry. I cant help but still feel some hatered toward him for how he did treat me for that month or so after he found out I was pregnant. I can’t help but lash out at him some times even now 7 months later I don’t know why I am still mad at him he treats me like a queen and I know he is sorry but like I said i still feel some kinda of hate for him for treating me in such an awful way. I do love him and I don’t want to be mean to him I just don’t know if I can ever forget the things he said to me.
I just need some advice about the whole thing and someone to tell me how they feel about my story.
Thanks in advance,
HeatherJanuary 24, 2007 at 4:09 am #14670FrancesBeanMommy
I just want to say that I understand that you are still upset with your bf over the things he said to you and the way he acted in the beginning of the pregnancy, but give him some credit. He came back to you, he apologized and realized the error of his previous ways. My son’s father has been acting the way your bf acted my entire pregnancy, and he left us when i was only about 2 1/2 months along. I do not have hopes of him coming back, he has turned into a monster 🙁 But it sounds like your baby’s father is really trying, and that he really wants to be there. Men don’t understand what to do in these situations, and it really is just a great thing that he came around so quickly.Try explaining to him how you still feel about things. And if nothing else, just go on with your life and make things wonderful for your baby! Count your blessings darling, and good luck with everything.January 24, 2007 at 4:20 am #14671young wife 23
im glad you sorted things out but you need to forgive and forget not just for yourself but for your unborn child nobody is perfect he made a mistake hes now making up for that mistake and hes the father of your child everybodydeserves a second chanceJanuary 24, 2007 at 7:51 am #14675queenofdenial72
men go through these stages just relax if he came back he had time to think about it just trust me iit a shock to them just like it was for youts natural for men to react like thisJanuary 24, 2007 at 11:50 am #14680NewMommy1128
Hey I don’t really have an answer for you but I am new on this site and I am in a very similar position….except I am only eight weeks pregnant andI am 21 and my boyfriend is alot older than me and already has a child. I told my boyfriend two weeks ago…we have been together for four years and he is absolutely unsupportive. He keeps telling me to get an abortion. I can’t do that and he knows that….I have always told him that. but I know how you feel and it sounds like your baby’s father came around and he will be a good parent I am sure. I know how you feel right now…I can’t even look at my boyfriend as the same person when he says things like that.January 25, 2007 at 8:33 am #14717bonny
hey!! well i cant say i have ever been in a situation like yours but i have been treated very badly in the past and went back every time! but the difference between my story and yours is mine ex never showed any remorce for his actions!!
i do believe in second chances but i dont believe in letting yourself get walked all over!! i understand in your case you have a baby envolved and of COURSE he/she will come before any1 BUT dont forget about your needs and feelings also!!
i wish you the best of luck chicken!!!! xxxJanuary 25, 2007 at 8:57 am #14721alittle_mirical_inside_me
DO you know why you are still angry? He has treated you in such a terrible way. ANd you cant forget what he has done to you, even though he is so sweet. The reason u cant forget is because you love him. any alteration of mood or charater in a man is chalenging to deal with. You though you knew him well, maybe you do. The thing is, does he know himself? He may be so scared the he thinks the only was to be tough and deal with the "problem" is to cast it away. the month you were gone he probably realized what he did and how close he was to losing you. Just remember he was scareed and didnt know what to do. Discuss it with him in a maner that doesnt deal with how it made you feel, yet how he felt.
-anne trueJanuary 25, 2007 at 9:32 am #14728Ndanu
hey, I’m 19 too and 8months pregnant wit my 1st child. lets just say the road to where i am now has been so difficult and challenging for me. My baby’s father isn’t my boyfriend ,atleast not officially, and he was in a relationship while we were having sex… Though your boyfriend made a mistake in treating you the way he did, think about what’s best for your baby coz that is all that matters. I wish my baby daddy would be as supportive as your boyfrind is to you but you know what duzn’t kill us makes us stronger right? you have to move on before you drive him away with the hate you feel for him. you need to talk with him before you find yourself alone and scared girl… do it for your baby coz she/he deserves to have her/his father around. I hope my situation has given you insight on what to do and has helped you value what needs to be. take care and d the right thing.:)January 26, 2007 at 1:09 pm #14755LmWhasMyx3
I just want to tell u that I truly understand you 100% on ur decision to still mad, that is his baby too and was from the second u got pregnant. No one is at fault for this. I am a STARN Christian that God BLESSES you with a baby you do not choose to have one or not have one. You have a right to be mad angry and hurt, it will take time but whenever u see his face when he sees his "princess" it will all disappear TRUST me I kno. Congrads on your lil one keep me posted on ur situation please
SydneyJanuary 26, 2007 at 5:08 pm #14760Niky
I almost went through the same story, just my sons, 1year now, father only got into our lives when the baby was 9 months old. I had to take my child for DNA tests after he told his whole family he does’nt think it is his child. But I wish I could show you a picture they look like twin brothers and the other thing is we knew one another since std 3.(I am 22 now). We use to fight so much and I did not want him to come near us because of all the things he has done and put me through. I did not have any suport from him while I was pregnant, went alone into the hospital and I stayed with my parents. Now we are trying to get back together and it IS NOT VERY EASY for me at all. I do love him and I want to share everything and day with him but I still can’t fogive him for those months he treated me like "crap".
But we spoke about it all and we are working on thing slowly and take everything as it comes. I know how you feel and I understand a 100%, but I don’t think you can just let go and forget about it all. You have to work on it, and it has to come from both sides, if you love him and he loves you, give it time and work on it each day. Because to love someone can’t just disapear and that’s why I believe for you that it can workout for you to see over the past and enjoy the future with your new little one.
Good luck aan let me know how things work out…
Niky:kiss:January 30, 2007 at 8:10 pm #14843ericklirios
One of the things you should do is accept your boyfriend’s limitations. This is but the start of it. It would really help to remember that when he doesn’t know what to do, he can lash out in anger. I’m not telling you this to scare you. You should know how to handle it and know that sometimes, when he is angry, it doesn’t mean he loves you less but he simply doesn’t know what to do. It’s his way of flailing in the water, so to speak.
Things will be more difficult, that’s for sure especially when things about money matters come into play. Sooner or later, you will have to provide for yourselves and things can get a bit ticky when money is scarce. Hold on to each other and always remember that since you seem to have chosen this path, the path of true partnership is not keeping your fears, your anger inside of you. PArt of being together is sharing everything and you should know how and WHEN to share. No point in forcing the issue of how to care for your baby when he’s shouting his head off. Let things cool down and discuss things after but make sure you discuss things. Don’t resort to just blabbing to your girlfriends. Tell your friends about your difficulties but always remember that the partner in your relationship is the father of your child.
Lastly, you seem a bit concerned about your present inability to let go of your feelings for him when he lashed out seven months ago. It’s part of your pregnancy and the hormonal changes you’re presently undergoing. Though there is an issue between you, it may be exacerbated by the said hormonal changes. Pregnant women have a tendency to be more sensitive that usual. Since you’re young and I suppose still concerned about your looks (fine, everybody else is really. Hehe), having such a big bulge makes you need constant affirmation. The constant pain doesn’t help either. Whenever that gets you down, remember that the little kicking infant inside of you is already your friend. Talk to her. She can actually already hear.
ErickFebruary 3, 2007 at 4:32 am #14919DaveLuver
I dont know if I could forgive my man after all that yours said to you. If you feel that he is really sorry though, give it another try. But dont let him think that he can push you around and then come running back when hs says hes sorry. Good luck with your baby. And that man of yours.
- The forum ‘Need Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.