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- June 5, 2007 at 12:24 pm #17647alexanders_mama
Okay, I’m a chick but I just wanted a guys perspective on things…
I’m 19, single with a two y.o. boy. My exboyfriend left me when I was 5 months pregnant. At that stage I was 16 and he was 17 and wed being together for 11 months. It was Valentine’s Day. It was the day of the ultrasound to which he never came. It was also the day that my photo got taken for home schooling ID card and I still look at it and laugh I look like I’ve being hit over the head with something heavy and am about to faint! Long story cut short it was an interesting day.
What happened was that we were each others first everything, including boy/girlfriend/kiss. He’s the only guy I ever loved (notice the past tense please). We were really careless and irresponsible and it was a Romeo Juliet sort of situation with our families in a feud that had being going on for years.
We found out I was pregnant when I was three months. He wanted an abortion but he told me hed go along with anything I said. I said there were two options: a)not have an abortion, b) have an abortion, but with him not the baby. 17 days later his dad suddenly died.
My parents kicked me out and he had to rent a place out for us (me, he stops pretty much talking to me or visiting me). His mother found out about the pregnancy a month later and made an abortion appt. that i declined, and that was when he disappeared, and when I called him on VD he broke up with me.
He hasnt being around and I thought he was happy with his life, because as much as I was in the most excruciating pain for a year I got over it and Im happy now.
I started uni last yr where he goes and everytime hed see me hed go up and scream at me. I thought he was just a lunatic around me.
Lately I learned hes gone completely round the bend, all he does is drink, get extensions for everything and act like a psychopath. I only found out because I started talkign to my ethnic group only recently, coz its a small community and i get sick of all the gossip. Im really surprised coz hes not the one with the problems. A month ago he got arrested for attempted robbery.
WHat is wrong with him? I want to hear it from guys not girls coz we girls just dont seem to get it….June 11, 2007 at 2:14 am #17714ericklirios
Based on what you wrote about your ex, there isn’t much that can be deciphered. Some generalizations perhaps but to be fair to the guy, such generalizations or conclusions should not be made.
However, since you do seem concerned, especially since the guy did father your child and also since your child will eventually ask about his father, there are some things we can reasonably deduce.
Honestly, I think he’s a bit guilty and totally lost. He stuck out on a limb just by being your boyfriend with this whole Montague-Capulet situation your families supposedly have. There are just some people who cannot handle the repercussions of their actions and this SEEMS to be such a case. Guilt also seems to be part of all this as seeing you is causing him pain. Truth hurts and seeing you forces him to come face to face with 1) having gone against his family, 2) fathering a child out of wedlock, 3) forcing abortion on you and not winning, 4) having to go to his mom for help about the abortion and still not winning, 5) having left you in a flat that he spent for, 6) knowing that people in school that he was a bit of a jerk (okay, maybe a big bit) and 7) maybe the kids in your school are getting on his case for not having the guts to do this or that. It’s possibly a whole lot of things and really, somewhere along the way, the two of you have to talk.
You can initiate it if you want or you can opt to just figure all the days of your life that he’s a jerk. Some people do that a lot but then again, maybe you can’t do that just for the sake of your son. Don’t be fooled when people tell you that you can forget about him and that you can raise your child alone. Yes, you can raise him alone but you owe it to your son to give him the truth about his father and sadly, for the sake of your son also, you have to make sure that your son’s meeting his father will be as painless for him as possible — regardless of how you feel about the dad.
Why do guys do these things? Because they’re kids and there are many things kids aren’t that prepared to handle yet even if they think they are. That’s why parents throw a fit when their kids get involved in pregnancies. I’m sorry your folks threw you out but when you’re 35 and your son tells you he got someone pregnant, a girl from a family you really despise, well, you get the idea.
Please take care and hang tight for your son. You have a long road ahead of you.
ErickJune 15, 2007 at 2:09 pm #17794alexanders_mama
Thanks for the advice Erick, and I really appreciate it and think a lot of it is correct.
But I read another one of your replies to one of my questions in the other forum, and I still can’t shake off the feeling that you feel sorry for teen girls such as me?
I doubt you’ll believe me, but my son and I are perfectly happy!:)December 21, 2007 at 9:06 pm #19974kez_mummy_2_skye
Would he be one to be scared of commitment. It seems that since he left you that everything has come crashing down for him. Maybe his mum made him break up with you and is causing his down spiriling
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