Want to have sex but scard! what do I do??

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  • #19529
    Avatarmarissa_is_myname

    I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I am scard. Alot of gilrs make fun of me at my school because I am 18yrs.old and am still a vigrin. What should I do? I mean I want to have sex but I am scard.People tell me tahst its painful and you bleed alot. I trust my boyfriend but I am scard of pain? Please tell me what you /anyone thinks!![/color][/color]

    #19547
    AvatarMeg11

    Hey Marissa, my name is Meagan and I help out on the site, I came across your post and honestly I became envious…you have what so many women your age and younger do not have and cannot get back, including myself…you have your virginity!!! That is not something to be ashamed of but rather to be very proud of…how many of those girls who pick on you have a disease or have had one or more??? Have any of them had an abortion?? Are any of them pregnant now and just don’t know yet? How many of them dress to get guys attention to try to make themselves feel wanted?? Do you want that same life?? Do you want to go to the health department and wonder if this time you will come back positive for Hep C or AIDS?? I have slept with more guys than I am proud to admit, I lost my virginity at 13!!! I am now 26 and I have two kids from two dads, I did however celebrate my first wedding anniversary yesterday, no I didn’t marry either of my kids dads, they bailed when the test said positive. I am so thankful I never contracted a disease, when really I should have… but I just had an abnormal pap smear, I may have cervical cancer…did you know that one of the causes of cervical cancer is multiple sex partners?? Even if you haven’t but your partner has had multiple partners you may suffer for it??? When I found out that I was pregnant with my second I made the choice to remain abstinent until marriage, I did 2 1/2 years went by before I had sex again and it was on my wedding night… Oh I felt pure, clean, like a princess…and I wasn’t a virgin…how I would have loved to give that gift to my husband…you still can!!! Yes it can hurt when you loose your virginity and some people want to use that as an excuse by saying "I want my wedding night to be enjoyable not painful" but…most girls I have met do not marry their first sexual partner..I sure didn’t… and they are left to feel used and unwanted…at least if you are in pain on your wedding night you are with a man who just promised in front of God and witnesses to honor you and love you until death, he is not going to reject you for having to stop if it hurts…I don’t tell many people this story but I think it has your name on it…the night I lost my virginity I was at my best friends house, she had a twin brother and his best friend stayed the night…well I lost my virginity on my friends brothers bedroom floor while John (the twin brother) was lighting a lighter and saying fire fire like beavis and butthead, how romantic, I obviously had NO experience so I am sure my first was not enjoying himself, I just laid there and tried to feel sexy and wanted but it didn’t work, after he was done, he pulled out got up and got dressed and left the room, I stayed in the sleeping bag and put my clothes on and then the 4 of us went to go hang out in the backyard..it was August so it was nice out even late at night…I went to stand by him and give him a kiss, he turned me away, he ignored me and then had John tell me that I was being too clingy, he wouldn’t even talk to me…my friend told me the next day that he took the condom and tied it in a knot and threw it in the busy street down the road…have you ever seen a condom on the street or in a park?? When ever I do I always wonder about the poor girl who just felt used….that was my first time…it was horrible and it left me feeling useless and wanting to do it right next time..so I began my 10 year spree of multiple partners and letting myself be taken advantage of just to feel wanted and worth something, but all I did was make myself feel worthless and unwanted…if your boyfriend loves you and plans on sticking by your side then he will respect your body, he will see your virginity as a gift and he will not want to spoil that gift for himself or your future husband… trust me, I know much more than I want to about this subject…. Just think of yourself in a white gown, something white and sexy underneath, imagine your husband unwrapping you as a gift, a gift that has never been opened or tarnished, imagine that on your wedding night you will never have to wonder if he will still be there in the morning, will he turn you away and throw the condom in the street, will he gloat to his friends that he scored a virgin??? If he does share that with anyone it would be out of pride that he married a pure woman who saved herself just for him…WOW what a wedding gift!! Don’t throw it away…if this guy loves you he will wait, if he lets you give in, he is only looking out for his own interest…not yours…have you ever seen the movie American Beauty?? The whole movie the dad is drooling over his daughters friend, she tells her friend the whole movie about the guys she sleeps with and hits on her dad…then at the end of the movie they go to have sex and she is scared and tells him that it is her first time…he stops…he just holds her while she cries…she thinks that she is not good enough because she is a virgin but he lets her know that he is not good enough to have her because of her gift that she still has…even if you are willing if a man loves you he will not want to take that precious gift that you have without saying I DO first… Please keep yourself pure…you have come this far…ignore those girls..they are just insecure and jealous…I am here anytime you want to talk…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

    #19550
    AvatarRoxyangel843

    I completely agree with Meg. I’m 16 and have a 1 month old daughter. I lost my Virginity at 14 and got pregnant at 15. It was my boyfriends first time as well, but when we first had sex I didn’t know that. He had told me he had previous partners and somehow that made him look older and more mature then anyone else I had gone out with. If only I had known at the time of me losing my Virginity on a park bench in my neighborhood park in 40 degree weather that I could have had that amazing first time in a warm bed on my wedding night with this person that I love, and it be more satisfying to wait. And when I had my daughter, it would be a time of joy and something celebrated by EVERYONE. Not just people making the best of a less then ideal situation. Two of my friends showed up to my baby shower, TWO! Instead of my husband and I hugging and kissing eachother for that 3 minute s while waiting for a positive test. I took it alone in an Albertsons bathroom because I couldn’t buy the pregnancy test. And having to endure the pain of him demanding I abort our child, instead of being ecstatic. If only I had waited to hear his vows of love and commitment before I gave him the most precious thing you can give anybody. I’ve only had one partner, but thats one too many before I ever heard a promise that I knew I could trust from a man that loved me, and not just told me he did, but showed me. The hurt of a broken heart from giving someone everything and treating it like nothing, is so much worse then getting teased by people that will never have what you can. And that is absolutely something to envy.

    #19551
    Avatarericklirios

    Hi, Marissa.

    If you’re scared it indicates that you may not be really ready for it in the first place. You expressed fear that’s physical in nature but there are other fears to deal with. Please look at a good many posts on this site to see what sex did to the women here.

    You think you’re out of the loop being 18 and being a virgin? Celebrate that! You’ve been stronger than many people and that’s something to be proud of. Too many people just succumb to the temptation and don’t think twice about it.

    Stay a virgin and stay clear away from the problems that come with having sex now. Trust me, the problems of sex outside marriage is not purely connected to age. People even in their twenties and even their thirties have problem with sex if they do it outside of marriage. Heck, even people in marriage have problems with it.

    Please ask yourself why you wanna have sex. Yes, it feels really good but so do many other things that lead to trouble. Do you want it to experience it? Do you wanna do it to keep your boyfriend?

    Once you experience it, there’s no turning back. There was an old Pringle’s ad which went, "Once you pop, you can’t stop." Sex is like that.

    What about keeping your boyfriend? It has been found that women who use sex to keep their boyfriends end up losing them more.

    If your boyfriend respects you enough to wait, then he may really be worth your time but if he wants sex more than he wants to protect you, then that may be a bad sign.

    Marissa, keep away from sex. It is the door to so many problems especially when sex is seen as just part of being a teenager and not part of marriage and being a parent.

    No matter how careful you are, no artificial contraceptive method is full proof and if these do keep you from being pregnant, there are other results affecting your emotional and psychological make-up.

    Keep away from sex. Continue to be afraid and realize that you were given that fear by the Lord for a very good reason.

    Take care.

    Erick

    #19555
    Avataralexanders_mama

    Please don’t throw your virginity away lightly.
    I regret throwing mine away so lightly, it was with my first boyfriend, but honestly I felt used that night, to him it didn’t seem like such a big deal at all.
    There is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage to have sex.
    It shows you have respect for yourself and your body. I know I was the last one out of my friends to lose mine at 16, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow everyone, right?
    Just because they’ve lost theirs doesn’t mean we should all rush out and have sex…

    #19562
    AvatarMeg11

    Oh Roxyangel843, your words are so very powerful and truthful, I don’t think I have ever heard someone speak of the precious gift of virginity with such right words….You and I both know very well the loss and guilt and the feeling of being used that comes with it but I tell you what…you have been given a wonderful gift of your daughter and also a gift of using your words to encourage others to make better choices…your post really touched my heart and I am so proud of you for being a Stand Up Girl and for making the best out of your circumstances to help others not go in the same direction…You are in my prayers and always remember that God is into restoration…He can heal those wounds and cause you to feel as white as snow and pure in heart….thanks for sharing your heart and I am always here to talk whenever you want someone to relate to…Love Meg

    #19664
    AvatarMissMyKidz

    Hey Mairssa,
    Treasure your virginity. I lost mine at 16. I had always dreamed of giving it to my husband on our wedding night but since I thought that it had been taken from me when I was little I didn’t care. Now it kills me. Save it girl. You won’t regret it. It will be the best gift for you and your husband to share on your wedding night. Love you girl, take care. Britnie

    #19780
    AvatarTitaLuvMayel

    B) Ur virginity is the most important thing youcan give to your husband on your wedding night.!! Trust me, i hope is not late but i do regret it sometimes. But my thing is different. I was kind of sexually abuse by three of my (who i use to consider) my family. That happen when i was & yrs. old. Now i’m 17 yrs. old and i can no longer have sex with anyone. Yeah, my boyfriend told me that when we first had sex i was because i did kind of bleed but not alot! But i’m scared and my point of view is that guys want only sex with the girls!! But like i said again, is because wat happen to me. I always dream of losing my virginity with my husband on my wedding night. It wasn’t possible, god knows why. Now my boyfriend tells me that we are going to get married but is not the same. I’m sad.:(

    #20034
    Avatarliquidme

    I stumbled across this post and thought I would add to what Mweber said about cervical cancer.

    "…did you know that one of the causes of cervical cancer is multiple sex partners??" -Mweber

    In fact, scientists say that cervical cancer is caused by these
    factors:

    Human Papilloma Virus (HPV)
    Smoking
    Immune system deficiency (such as HIV/AIDS)
    Genetics

    Simply having multiple partners does not cause cervical cancer. What does cause cervical cancer is HPV. You can acquire the type of HPV that causes cervical cancer by engaging in sex. This is the scary part of HVP:

    -Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year- American Cancer Society

    Thats a lot of people! 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV at some point in their lives? Wow, scary! Basically, you can get cervical cancer by having sex with one person infected with the right type of HPV, assuming they infect you.

    If you see your doctor on a fairly regular basis or go for your yearly or 6 month pelvic exam, I’m sure your doctor has at least mentioned the vaccine for HPV. This vaccine is called Gardasil. Maybe you’ve seen the commercials on TV with young women chanting "I wanna be one less! one less!" They mean, they want to protect themselves from cervical cancer by getting the Gardasil vaccine and being "one less" woman to be diagnosed with cervical cancer. Two important things to remember about Gardisil (which your doctor can confirm) is that only women ages 9 to 26 can have the vaccine. Also, Gardasil only protects women from SOME HPV strains.
    I hope this helps. 🙂

    Here are my sources:

    (The American Cancer Society)
    http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_2X_Do_we_know_what_causes_cervical_cancer_8.asp?rnav=cri

    (The Gardasil Website)
    http://www.gardasil.com/

    (The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention)
    http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

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