Undecided… Please Help:)

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  • #20924
    AvatarAna17

    Hello my name is ana i’m 16, a sophmore, and 6mths
    pregnant.Well I’m going through some stuff right know and I need someone
    to talk to and you just seem the right person. Well I need a suggestion
    and I hope that you can help and I’m sorry if I’m taking some of your
    time.Well I’ll start of with my story.Well me and my boyfriend weren’t
    even a week when we started to have sex.That’s something I’m gonna be
    regretting for all my life not because I didnt/dont love him but because
    I think we should of atleast gotten to know each other alot more but
    anyways when we were 4mths together we found out that I was a month
    pregnant at first he wanted me to get an aborbtion but I couldnt do that
    because I just couldnt imagine killing someone that was apart of me so I
    told him no and he understood (thankfully) well we stayed together and
    I had yet to tell my mom well when we were 6mths together and I was
    atleast 3mths pregnant his grandmother got sick and he had to go to
    Mexico he told me that he would just be gone for 2mths and that when he came
    back we would tell my mom and her husband together well he left.Time
    past 2mths to be exact and I had yet to hear from him when I was 5mths I
    couldnt hide my stomache anymore and I didnt have any other choice
    but to tell my mom alone she was very upset at me and I felt terrible
    well I still feel terrible dissapointing my mom well my mom eventually got
    over it (she still hasnt forgaven me though but I understand) she
    agreed thatshe would help me with my baby if my boyfriend dint come back
    she never liked him before we got together he used to do drugs and she
    found out about that. but he doesnt do it anymore thankfully i made sure
    about that before we got together but anyways the point is that he isnt
    the person that she wants me to be with. well recently i heard from
    him see after he left we got our number changed and that was the reason i
    hadnt heard from him well he got our/my new number from one of my
    friends well he called me and he told me that he wants me to go live with
    him he told me that he would work and help me with my baby and that he
    would still let me go to school but well when i told my mom she was
    upset because like i said before she doesnt like him for me and she
    especially doesnt like that he left me when i neede him the most.but i dont
    know what to do should i go live with him because i mean i do love him
    but i dont know i really dont want my baby to live without a father cause
    i know what its like but my mom told me that if i dont decide to go
    live with him then he wouldnt be allowed to come and see his baby and
    like i said before i dont want my baby to grow up without a father.so what
    do you think i should do go live with him or stay with my mom please
    help!

    Sincerely,

    Ana

    #20939
    AvatarBabyLover

    Hi Ana17,
    I read your story and am curious if you have made a decision yet as to what you are going to do? There are a lot of people out there who will and can help you through this. Are you considering adoption at all? You are sooo young and have so much life left ahead of you to have so much responsibility already.

    BabyLover

    #20952
    AvatarAna17

    Yea, to tell you the truth I did think about it but I dont think that its something I can do.I know that I’m to young but I mean really I put myself in this possission and I dont want it to affect my baby.

    #20959
    AvatarAnonymous

    Personally, I think you should stay with your mom. No matter what the circumstances are at home, I think it would be a more risky decision to have the baby in a country where you potentially couldn’t get insurance or have any way to pay for your baby’s birth. It sounds like you don’t know where in Mexico you would be going and that could be bad because if they don’t have the medical care or drugs available where you are going then there is a risk your baby could have problems and potentially die, not to mention you might have to go through the birth without pain medication…and then there’s always the chance that YOU could have some problem and die. There’s a chance your boyfriend might leave you – you said he was on drugs at one point and whether he’s clean or not he has chosen to live in a place where drugs are probably more readily available to him if he chooses and then there’s always the chance that you might not be able to get back into the united states if you DO have problems with your boyfriend such as abuse and whatever. I mean, these ARE all what ifs…and what if you move down there with him and everything goes great for you? You just never know, but in my opinion the risks seem to outweigh the benefits for moving down there. It was his choice to move in the first place – he can come back at any time and be a father to his child if he wants. There are plenty of opportunities for you and your child here in the US…including another man to fall in love with. You just never know. If you want my opinion and advice, I’d say stay here in the US. Good luck!

    #20961
    AvatarBabyLover

    Ana,
    This is just my opinion but I think that the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to consider adoption. Then you can get a loving family who will take care of this baby and get it all the love and support it needs who is ready for a baby. You can finish school, go to college, find someone later in life you want to settle down with and have children with. Again, this is my opinion but I do hope you will consider what is in the best interest for your child as well as yourself.

    BabyLover

    #20963
    Avatarchris_d

    Ana,

    Thanks for sharing your story. First of all, let me say that I have never been in this situation before, but my wife has. She was 16 when she had her daughter and had to make a decision of what she thought was right. It is not easy, but remember that you are not only making this decision for yourself, but for you child. It is good that your mom has offered to help and cares enough about your and your child to want to help. I would say that you should stay with her. Even though we don’t like to admit it all the time, our parents know things that we don’t! 😀 I know when my wife was in this situation, her mom was so helpful!

    Although it may not seem like it, there will come somone who will fill the role of your child’s father. They may not call them ‘dad’, but there are many great guys out there – don’t give up. How despertely do you want your child to have a father? Do you want it enough to settle with an unstable guy? The most important thing is that your child has a stable home environment, even if it is with his/her mom and grandma.

    You are in control. Don’t settle just because you think that you have to have a father role and have a ‘normal’ life. Trust me, nothing about parent hood is normal. It has it’s own wonderful suprises and you learn new things every day. It is a great experience…take time and enjoy it while you can. And never be afraid to ask for help. There are many girls who have been in this postition. Talk to them about it.

    I hope all works out for you in the end.

    chris_d

    #20967
    Avatarwinterishrain

    Hi,
    I am in a similar situation. I conceived in a foreign country, with a guy who I was not in love with. The father was also a foreiner, but from a country where women have very little rights, medical care is lacking, and unwed mothers are scorned. I was torn, becuase although my baby deserved a father, he didn’t, and I didn’t, deserve to be in that situation. I’m a little older (22) and so my best option was to come back to the states where I have the support and love of my famiy and friends, who have already started building a support network for me, and I have no doubt that when the baby comes he will have stability and opportunity. I feel that father’s do have rights to their children, but in the end, since we wern’t in love, returning to the US would be the best option for me. An unexpected pregnacy is never easy, especially when your young, but if you let it, the baby inside can teach you things before it’s even born. Although my mother and I disagree on things on a daily basis, I’m glad to have her love and expertise ( she had four kids) and my dad, who hasn’t entirely come to terms with it yet, as well as my brother will be two strong male role models. I read the other day that 59 percent of minors will live in a single parent household at some point in their life, which is sad, but also is there to remind us that we are not alone. these days family’s come in every shape and size, and in my opinion it’s not the situation but the way you handle it and the way you raise your child, that sets them up for failure or success. If the father of you baby is returning to your home country, maybe he can slowly prove to your mother that he is responsible and can be a loving, supportive father and partner to you. Your mother may have reason to distrust him, so a little extra effort on his part may change her mind. just my thoughts. have a great day!

    #20969
    AvatarAna17

    Well I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided to stay with my mom I dont want my baby to have a bad influence by its dad and plus I realized that if he really loved me he would have stayed so I’m just gonna keep my baby. work hard for him. I’m so anxious to see him I just got two mths to go:cheer:

    #20970
    Avatarinsubordinateximpx09

    I think that you should stay with your mom. My son was born 5 days ago, and if i wasn’t with my mom right now, there’s no way that i could have made it this far. As much as she hated that i got pregnant (I’m only 16), she still helps out a ton and loves her grandson so much. Being with your mom will probably help you out a ton and make you much less stressed and worn out. I’m sure that you can figure something out to keep your baby’s daddy in the baby’s life, it may not be the most ideal thing, but if you can find something that works, that’s all that matters. Good luck with your decision, I know it’s a tough one to make.

    #20998
    Avatarkez_mummy_2_skye

    why is everyone telling this girl to adopt her baby out. She doesnt want to do it so leave it at that. Farr out!
    I think you should stay with your mum just in case something happens while living with the baby’s dad and your mum doesnt take you back. I’m sure she would understand but for more good reasons stay with mum.

    #21011
    Avatarclwbabyboy

    Hey Hun,
    I know you are extremly confused right now. What is the right thing to do? You have to consider what if you guys broke up, what would you do in Mexico? And if your child was born in Mexico he couldnt come back. If he wants to be there for you, he will find his way back to you. Babies are money… If you can live with your mom, do it. Trust me, im 18 years old and I wish I had help. Things to consider though. So why hasn’t he come back? Are you in a serious relationship? Yea you want your child to have the father there, but you need to be happy too… dont be with him just because of the baby. Keep us updated.

    #21017
    AvatarLillieAunas_Mommy

    The father is a huge part in the baby’s life but you also have to remember that you also have to do what you think is best for your baby and yourself.

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