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April 20, 2007 at 8:05 am #17008mummy2addyson
so i have a 6 month old daughter. and the other day i found out im preggo again. but this time its to a man who iv been seeing and hes twice my age! (im 19 hes 37). i also have a new boyfriend who is really not happy with me :unsure: i have spoken to the father and he doesnt want me to keep it. and i dont think i could handle another one either so iv got the ball rolling to have an abortion. the thing is… the longer its taking the more i want to keep this baby. i mean im normally so against abortion… but i couldnt have a baby to a man who just doesnt want kids, and im struggling as it is to look after addyson!!
i also thought about adoption but then again… that still wouldnt be fair on the father when he doesnt want this kid anyways… plus i couldnt think of anything worse than having to give a child up!! so im really not sure what to do. has anyone else been in this situation???April 21, 2007 at 3:06 am #17034lisa
Hiii “Mummy 2 Addyson” I’m Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website. I read your forum posting and I wanted to send you and e-mail as quickly as I could.
I just want to start this by saying please know that if you and I were sitting together – we’d be sitting across the table from one another having a juice or a Coffee Late’ and you’d be looking at a girl who cares about your heart and what happens to you. You might think that is strange because we’ve never met – but I want you to know that I also made the decision to abort my baby and after living with the pain and agony in my heart I want to share with anyone else that will listen the truth of that experience.
Firstly – I have to say that baby picture on your posting is so absolutely adorable. I assume that is Addyson your baby girl? She’s very very adorable!
Can I share something with you? The baby that you are pregnant with doesn’t have one parent. Your little baby boy or precious little baby girl has 2 parents and you, Mommy, are one of those sweet and loving parents.
The father of the baby may say to you that (as you said in your posting) “He doesn’t want you to keep the baby”. And your new boyfriend is “not really happy with you”. Can I ask you something with all due respect and I say this with surprise in my voice “What business is it of theirs anyway? This is YOUR baby. This is YOUR flesh and blood.” Right? Who do these guys think they are? They want the conveniences of a relationship with you … a sweet girl who is a good mommy to Addyson … but they don’t want YOU to have YOUR baby. “I want you to bear this emotional burden of allowing your baby to die – because it is what I want, it would be convenient for me and it would make me happy.” That’s kind of what I’m hearing.
Ohhhh – you can do this! You can have this beautiful little baby that is living and breathing inside of you right at this very moment! Did you know that at 6 weeks your baby can suck his/her thumb? That your babys body is completely formed and even the ears have a family resemblance already?
What if your new boyfriend were to tell you that he wasn’t happy with you because you have Addyson. And he told you to make HIM happy – that you need to give her up. Or … your ex tells you that he doesn’t want you to keep her … would you put her on the front doorstep and forget about her. Hoping that you could go on with your life and that your heart will forget her?
Please please know … they are asking you to do the very same exact thing with that little life that is inside of you right now. I can tell by reading your e-mail that not only do you have a beautiful heart to be a mommy to Addyson – but you already love that baby that is inside of you.
Trust me when I say to you that you will NEVER forget this baby. You will NEVER be happy with this decision. You’ve even said that you were normally against abortion. Can I ask you why that is? What makes abortion wrong? Because I really want you to look deep into your own heart and see that abortion is wrong for you and your baby too.
Please know that abortion will NOT make your baby go away. You will have that little baby inside of your heart forever. And the men that are telling you to abort your baby … they will have this memory attached to them and it will be extremely difficult for you. Trust me – I know. I’ve been down that road and the ache has not gone away. My arms still ache to hold my baby.
I tell you what. This website is called “Stand Up Girl”. I bet you that you will have a ton of e-mails that will post to your posting here. We will ALL Stand with you! Tell your boyfriend that if he loves you, he will be a Stand Up Guy and he will never ask you again to kill your baby just to make this relationship work. That if he wants to be with you bad enough, he will support you and be a man about it. "Because" … you can tell him … “I am going to Stand Up for the life of my baby – and if you won’t Stand with me, then you will need to step aside and move on.”
Once you give birth – do you remember what it was like with Addyson? Imagine how beautiful it will be with this baby.
Before I close – can I share a beautiful photo with you? It’s one of my favorite and I think it sometimes helps us to put things into perspective. Check this out and read what it says down the right side of it:
Please – I will also give you a link to a website that is in your area. I believe you are probably in the UK by your accent when you say Mummy. That’s so cute! I’m in the USA – but I have a link to help you locate a nearby center. Please let me know if you can’t find anything. You can e-mail me at the site any time … OK?
Here is the website and a phone number:
0800 028 2228
Please – will you let us know what you decide? Will you be a Stand Up Girl? Remember, we’re right here for you.
Luv LisaApril 23, 2007 at 11:40 am #17054ericklirios
The father’s 37? He’s my age and I do understand what you’re going through. People like me have a knack for being stupid at times and getting involved with really young girls who’re innocent (as compared to us) gives a real high.
Enough of that.
When I remember the fact that there was a time that I didn’t want a child and I lost that child, I really kick myself in the butt. I lost and turned my back on a God-given angel!
He may not want the baby now but it’s really not up to him. Killing a baby is not something you want to do just to protect the interests of a person who doesn’t want the responsibility. Please do not get the abortion. Trust me, if this man leaves you because of this, you will get over it. If you kill your baby, that will haunt you until you die and though your baby may forgive you, your pain and guilt will always run after you.
I think you will have a much better life with two kids rather than a boyfriend who doesn’t want your kids and one child from a previous relationship.
Honestly, if a man doesn’t want your child, a child that is his also, does he really deserve you? I’m just fortunate that my wife still took me though I turned my back on one of our children once in our lifetime.
One thing most girls make the mistake with is when they think that the best way to keep a man is by always giving him what he wants. Many times though, guys don’t know what they want and especially what they actually need.
A good number of times, what we really are looking for is someone who will stand up for what is right, someone who is strong enough to tell us what is truly important and valuable. If we find that a woman can decipher what is really good and valuable as compared to what is hip and passing, then it may be time to get hitched.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m a sinful bastard and I’ve had my share with playing with young girls. What really makes me stick to my wife is that whenever I do something wrong or want to choose something wrong, she points out in a very firm way what is really significant and actually meaningful to me so that I don’t just go through life living as if nothing is important.
Stand you ground and do what this site says, "Stand Up, Girl"! Show him how valuable his child is by showing him how much you want to keep the baby because it really is the right thing to do. If he can’t see that this is murder or he’s just wlling to kill his own baby, then maybe he really isn’t worth it. A man is supposed to lay down his life for his wife and his children and it’s supposed to start now. If you’re able to make him grow up by standing your ground, then you’ve actually done him an incredible favor.
Keep the baby and take heart. You’ve undoubtedly found many girls here who have babies from different fathers who were all dumb enough to turn their backs on their babies. The mothers? They’re having a hard time but they’re reaping the benefits of having loved truly. They are being loved back and when the time comes, those babies will really show that keeping them was the best idea ever.
Take care, honey. Show that man what’s right.
ErickApril 23, 2007 at 4:06 pm #17055mummy2addyson
thanks for your support lisa.im normally so against abortion because i htink having a baby is such a blessing and should never be thought of as a burden. but now that im in this situation… it seems like the only thing i can do right now!!
me and my new boyfriend have only been together 2 weeks and i dont think he would be ready to take on another kid. plus im not sure i could handle another baby… but i am having a long hard think about it. i have my dating scan tomorrow and if im only a couple weeks along then it will be my boyfriends… and in that case im going to ask him if we can keep it. i just dont want to have a child to the guy i was seeing before. he doesnt want to be involved and its not fair on the baby. and i know in my heart i cant have another baby if im a single mum. but if its my boyfriends ill be able to handle it becaues i will have him there for me. ill let you guys know tomorrow how my scan goes and confirm how far along i am!!April 24, 2007 at 3:07 am #17059lisa
I read your post this morning and I also read Ericks and WOW! What a Stand Up Guy Erick is and he made some EXCELLENT points. It’s SO GREAT to hear it from a guys perspective because … you know what? He’s right!
We are spinning our wheels trying to make the guy happy – when in reality … we live with this decision of abortion for the rest of our lives.
Please re-read your e-mail response to me. You are so sweet you are trying to ‘please’ everyone around you. But you seem to be forgetting 2 people. YOU and your BABY. If your baby is the child of your boyfriend – you feel like you can handle having a baby … but if it is the other guys you can’t?
But … but it’s YOUR baby. This litte life is inside of you and living and breathing. Can I share a picture with you? It’s an amazing photo and read what it says down the right side of the photo:
This is ONLY at 6 weeks. That little one can suck his/her thumb already. And when a baby sucks their thumb, that is pleasurable for them. Sooooooooooo if they know pleasure … they also know pain. Abortion is not painless to your baby.
Please please – forget about all the other circumstances around you. Imagine not having the baby that you have right now. I bet you could NOT imagine life without your little one now could you.
The very same thing with that little baby that is inside of you. You have already bonded with your baby … and you are against abortion for a reason. And for good reason too.
It just takes Standing Up Girl! Remember – death is forever. Life for your baby can be so rewarding … who cares what the other guy says! He’s out of your life … and he has absolutely NO SAY SO in this matter.
You say that it wouldn’t be fair to your baby. Do you really believe that? Do you think that abortion is fair to your baby?
Please please think about this. Abortion for this baby is forever. You can never go back and change your mind.
Please let me know how you are. I will be thinking about you.
Erick – I’d love to hear more from you for Mummy too!
Luv LisaApril 24, 2007 at 5:37 am #17060SweetTea
My name is Rachel. I read your posting and thought I would reply.
I really think that you should take a step back and really think about things.
Let me tell you a little bit of my story… I got pregnant when I was 16. I never imagined that something like that would happen to me, but it did. My boyfriend at the time didn’t know what to do. He freaked out and he suggested that I have an abortion. When everyone at school found out that I was pregnant and everyone knew that he and I were dating, he told everyone that I had been sleeping around and that the baby wasn’t his. I was furious of course.
I chose to keep my baby and raise it myself. I can tell you without any doubt in my mind that it was the right decision. Later, he changed his mind and wanted to be involved with me when I was still pregnant. He was around for a while, but then started seeing someone else. When my daughter was born, he came to the hospital for a little while and bought some things for her. He hasn’t been consistent in her life at all. And to be honest, dealing with him at times is still tough. But the weird feelings I get when I’m around him are like tiny pebbles compared to the great mountains of love and adoration that I have for my daughter. He comes around mostly at holidays now, and I’ve accepted the fact that he may always be like that, and you know what? That’s okay. If he never does anything more than he’s doing now, I can live with that. Because my daughter is happy and healthy and has a chance at life. I am giving her everything I can and doing my best for her. If he never takes that attitude on, that’s still okay. When she grows up, she will have a chance at reaching her goals and dreams, and she will know that she was loved and cared for and that she had everything she needed. Some things don’t seem "fair", but life isn’t always fair. The most important thing is that she’s getting the chance that she deserves.
I thought that as a single mom, I wouldn’t ever meet any guy worth my time. But that wasn’t true either. I got married recently to a great guy who loves my daughter so very much. He spoils her rotten! We have so much fun together, and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am with my life right now.
It sounds to me like the guy you’re dating now isn’t worth your time either. I don’t know the guy, but if he isn’t happy with you and won’t support you no matter what the outcome is, he probably isn’t worth staying around.
No matter how impossible things seem with two kids, or having a baby from your ex, or how unfair things might seem, it will all come together in the end if you just focus now on making the right decisions. The most important people in all of this are YOU and YOUR babies. I promise.
RachelApril 25, 2007 at 9:32 pm #17080mummy2addyson
thanks for your support everyone. and yeah erick you sound like an amazing guy!! its just its so hard… i mean i know my man will support me with whatever i want to do… but its hard. i dont think i can handle two babies on my own. and i know how angry the 37 year old would be if he found out i was keeping it!! PLUS before i found out i was preggo i was drinking like a fish and smoking things i shouldnt be!! and im worried i have damaged the baby already… i would feel bad if i did decide to keep the baby and then have it turn out not healthy because of dumb mistakes i made before i knew… but yeah im seriously tihnking about it now… i just really want to talk to my mum about it but i know she will want me to have an abortion. she wanted me to with addyson and i was with her father at the time and had been for like 4 years. so i dunno… ill keep you guys updated. but the more i talk to people the more i want to keep this child… im just sooooo worried about how i would cope… i have just started back at uni and i had my life all planned out and then this happens… i dunno what to do!April 26, 2007 at 2:19 am #17082ericklirios
My college theology teacher once taught my class that one way to determine whether a certain decision is God’s will for you is whether that decision leaves you with a sense of peace. This isn’t even happiness. Peace is knowing that you may be facing a very tough future but you know that this is the right thing.
Another thing: If in doubt, don’t. 🙂
Your mother is understandable. Don’t concentrate on how she wanted an abortion with Addyson. Think about how she is with Addyson now. I don’t she’s crazy about the idea of throwing her grandchild out.
Let’s face it, she will be disappointed especially since there is even this question now of who the father is. She may start calling you some four-letter words that really hurt. Honey, part of growing up is knowing how to take these things and being answerable for our actions. Yes, you did goof big time. Grit your teeth and bear it but don’t shoot yourself by killing your baby. The thought of shutting your mom up with this by having an abortion is but a momentary "solution". It’s nothing but a pain-killer which does nothing to cure the real situation. Problem with this so-called solution is that it will always leave a mark on your heart.
I’ve told other girls this on this site: stand your ground. Show your mother that you are someone to reckon with, a mature enough individual who needs to be listened to. Show that you’re capable of being responsible especially to your children.
A word to the wise though: Keep off sex. You’ve already seen how it has made your life difficult. Trust me, you don’t want three children with three different fathers who are all unmarried to you. Please check out Mweber, another member here. She’s amazing. She has a story similar to yours but she has chosen against abortion and she is now living a life she is proud of.
Stick to your guns. Stick to your babies. Understand your mother if you want your children to try and understand you when the time comes. Pray a lot. Pray hard. Keep off sex and find a guy who will love your children as if they were his. God is preparing this man for you. Don’t rush it. 🙂
Trust me, honey, You will be fine especially if you walk with God and the angel that He’s already given you. Don’t throw His angel back in His face.
ErickApril 26, 2007 at 7:27 am #17089lisa
Erick is right on!
I’d also like to add this. Think about how your mom wanted you to abort Adyson before. Right? What would she say if you told her that you were going to give her away? What would she say if you told her that, God forbid, something happened to her?
You’d BOTH die of heartache and you’d do all you could to save that childs life. Right?
The child that is inside of you right now … is no different than Addyson and I guarantee that … you WILL be overjoyed that you chose life. I hear these words time and time again:
I can’t believe I was even thinking about aborting my baby!
Can you imagine life without Adyson? What sort of memories would you NOT have today if you allowed abortion? Can you imagine, if you had chosen abortion, what Adyson would have gone through? Can you imagine what Adyson might say one day if you were to tell her that her baby brother or sister is not here because you chose not to have your second baby?
Please mummy! Look down the road at the lifetime of regret you will have. I promise you … there is ABOLUTELY NOTHING GOOD about abortion. NOT ONE THING!
But I can think of countless things that abortion is. Painful, wrong, terrible, murder, painful to mummy and final.
So final. No going back and making it better or changing your mind.
Please … think about that. Your baby is so important … and so are you.
See – you already have a bunch of us clamering to talk to you. :laugh:
Luv LisaMay 9, 2007 at 6:39 am #17222italian scene kids
hey thats so right i never knew if i was doing the right thing about keeping my daugther but i see now that i am and i love her so much but her father i cant so much for he isnt there anymore i live wih him but he has a girlfriend i love i love him to death and i will be my baby comes before any man
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