TORN, need help

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  • #20230
    Avatar0hhbabybaby

    I`m torn. I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant on tuesday. I think Its crazy because the last time I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend we immediatley went to a clinic and got the day after pill. Well I guess it didn`t work and he seems to think it has to be destiny. Hes SUPER supportive. I want to have this baby, I`m just scared for myself. I have SO many doubts. What if I suck at being a Mom, what if I regret{readmore}it? from evreyone Ive talked to who has had a baby as young as me (17 turning 18 in May)&younger and Ive never heard of anyone straight up regreting it. What if I never finish school. Would life as I know it be gone entirely& my whole life be just be about the baby. Would I still be able to go out and have fun sometimes? I mean I`m not a partier to the extreme, I just like to have fun once in awhile. People tell me I won’t have a life anymore. Basically I just think I need answers to my questions. I got a TON. I need support, I have not yet told my parents. They’re not SUPER strict but my Mom knows Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. And we were planning a life together. She knows were sexually active, actually her and my Dad have told me that they’ll love me no matter what. I just don`t want to disapoint them, Ive always wanted to be the one kid they’ve had that they were super proud of. You know?& Its just I don’t have a career, How will I make money. Thankfully I have my GED. but besides that not alot of stuff is going on for me. I thought I could do an abortion, and I still could. BUT when I went to the clinic, they took an ultrasound, The doctor gave me a copy and I asked, "does it have a heart?" & she replied "yes" I felt my own heart drop, How am I suposed to go through with this now? How can I get rid of something living off of me, Something that is me. I’m catholic and so Is my Parents. I mean my family isn`t at church evrey sunday. I just really want some support, and some inspiration. I just want to know that evreything is going to be okay. That I can still live out a good life. I just want to know if teen parents can be happy. What helps ALOT though is my Boyfriend, Hes always been there for me. And he always will, even if were not together. Hes super responsible. and Ive been with him for awhile. We spend evrey single day with eachother. He is even willing to work two jobs to support me if I have the baby he’s a pastrey co chef at a steak house. He got the job through a internship. I`m already feeling kinda iffy towards getting an abortion. I don`t even really want to think about it. I have to decide what I`m going to do before Saturday, I have an appointment at the Clinic and If I show up, I’ll be getting one. Thats the latest I can get one around here. I`m torn between two things. My future and a Baby. But Can`t I have both?

    I need some advice :huh:

    #20232
    AvatarAnonymous

    Yes, honey! I PROMISE your life does not end if you have a baby at a young age!! I had my three year old daughter when I was 15. Sure, you’re going to have about 6 months at first where you can’t really do anything because you’re taking care of your kid, but keep in mind, you are only 17. You have well into your 20’s to party and have fun – what’s 6 months if it means you get to watch your son or daughter grow? The first time your little one tells you he loves you, you will know everything that happened, and everything that is going to happen, is worth it.

    #20233
    AvatarMeg11

    Hey there, first off CONGRATULATIONS, I know this baby was kind of unexpected and out of the blue but as your boyfriend said this could just be meant to be, I am normally not to friendly and smiley about pregnancy before marriage but in your case you were not trying and I had the same thing happen to me twice, I was a single mother for 4 1/2 years without support from the fathers or family, where you are standing looks a lot better then where I was at and I passed through that season and came out in one piece with happy kids, listen to your won words, YOU DON’T WANT THE ABORTION, so don’t go on Saturday, instead plan on having your boyfriend over and talk to your parents with him, even though they are not SUPER strict they still may be shocked and upset but they will adjust and love your baby and be there for you, I would just cast out the thought of abortion, you seem to have a strong opinion about it and I along with many others here agree with you, you can do this, you can make it, you can and WILL be a GREAT MOM, you have what so many others don’t i this situation, a supportive boyfriend and supportive parents, don’t take that for granted, we all get nervous and jittery when we find out we are pregnant, I am on my third and this time I am married and I am still freaked out about being a good enough parent and worried about the future, take a deep breath and touch your tummy and see your baby’s smile, hear that heartbeat pounding, feel that maternal instinct already flowing through your veins and take a Stand and embrace the situation that you have gotten into, you can’t undo a pregnancy, many girls who get an abortion think that it will make it all go away or that it will be as though they were never pregnant and that is just not true, there are a lot worse things to find out like having cancer or AIDS or something to that effect but a baby will not be a baby forever, you will have wonderful moments of bonding and learning who each other are, then you will get puked on but you get over it, then they go to school, and get friends and join sports or other clubs and you will beg them to just snuggle you, then they graduate and get married and you look at how fast it went, being pregnant is not the end of your life but the beginning, I really don’t recommend purposely getting pregnant before marriage but the fact is it still happens when we are not paying attention, you already have this little life living off of you, embrace the moment and walk on with your head up knowing that two wrongs don’t make a right, give this baby the chance to enjoy the things in life that you and I have the right and ability to, you will never regret it, just like you mentioned yourself, you may grieve at times for your past choices but you can’t change that now, it may be tough at times because of the timing of this but if I have made it then you can too, just don’t run off and do something that you cannot change in attempts to change something you cannot…whether you keep the baby, adopt or abort there will still be a baby and you will still be a mom, do you want the benefits that come along with parenting or adoption or do you want the grief and suffering of a woman who has a dead child at their own hands?? I am here along with many others, You are a Stand Up Girl and I think you know that deep down, please don’t go on Saturday unless you intend to go tell the other girls in that waiting room to leave while they can….Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

    #20237
    AvatarAnonymous

    CONGRATS!!!! im 16 and i have a 5month old son. your life IS NOT over i promise if anything its just beginning. yea for the first couple months all you do is sit at home and hold and love your baby but when you think about it….you dont really feel like going anywhere anyway. and when they get a little older its fun to just load them up and take them up town or out to eat with you because then you get to show them off and they LOVE the attention. i mean im 16 and when i go somewhere i either get a funny look or asked if he’s my brother but i proudly answer he’s my son and people dont seem to mind to much. i still get time to myself and i go and do like once amonth. i dont stay the night off or anything im still to attached for all that but i enjoy my life. im in 10th grade at high school i work a job and you should consider yourself lucky you have support from the father he’s already in daddy mode. my sons father is 18 and doesnt even acknowlegde the fact that he’s a father. but i wouldnt change anything in the world. im happier now than ive ever been because when i look in to my sons eyes….its like looking at pure love and its the most amazing thing in the world. so yes you will be fine and you have support and your parents will love this baby more than anything. when i told my mom i was pregnant she told me i was a failure and i couldnt do it and i had to move out or get an abortion and now she thanks me everyday for having my son and we live together in peace and harmony. my dad on the other hand when i told him i was pregnant the first thing he said was CONGRADULATIONS and gave me a hug. he knew i could do it, so dont worry things will work themselves out and God wouldnt have put this on you if you couldnt handle it. It’s a blessing whether you see it yet or not…it’s a beautiful thing and you should feel proud…your creating a whole human being…thats alot. and you should take pride in that and know that your doing a miraculous and wonderful thing. and even when your in labor and your thinking what was i thinking….the first time you hear that cry and the first time you see that face its AMAZING! i was in labor for 4 days, but my son was 6 weeks premature (so dont think yours will be that long, maybe not) i was thinking the whole time this was so stupid and i made a mistake and that this was not worth sitting in a hospital for a week. but when i heard him for the first time….it took my breath away….so your not crazy for having all these questions and wondering if you can do it…you can. and about the whole wondering if you’ll be a good mother thing..that makes you a good mother because then your always trying to do everything perfect and you try harder to be a better parent everyday and along the way you’ll make a couple mistakes but everyone makes mistakes and youll learn from them and later on if you have another child youll know what to do and what now to do. so if you need anyone i’m here and i’ll talk to you about anythng from getting pregnant to labor to newborns all the way up to 5 months (thats as far as ive gotten) so good luck and be happy for yourself sweetie no worries!!:)

    #20240
    AvatarJessiemay

    Please read this
    I happend upon this website and your story compelled me to register, so I could reply. Reading your story I could not help think of myself. Here is my story: When I was about 16 my mom(whom I constantly fought with) confided in me about having previous abortions. She also told me how hard it was to forgive herself all these years later. I saw the pain in her eyes, and heard the deep regret in her voice. I realized at that moment how real abortion is. I was so desensitized to abortion. A little while later I too found out I was about 11 weeks pregnant. unexpectantly I was pregnant. I was scared to death! My boyfriend was too. I had so firmly believed abortion was not the right choice. Now I found myself in this position I never thought I would. We lived in the tiniest apartment and could not pay our bills as it was. We ate Top Ramen for lunch and dinner:) I worked 2-3 jobs and went to school part time. I finally realized how easy, and tempting it was to choose to have an abortion. I was so stinking scared. No one would even know if I had one. I could keep living the life I was, nothing would change. I finally could sympathize and forgive my mom for destroying half of my siblings. Her story helped me stand firm and not have an abortion. I prayed, and prayed, and God has blessed me. I don’t know where I found the courage to accept the responsibility I had been given, but I did. I won’t lie: we’ve gone through some rough times since. The challenges we have faced have made us so stong. Looking back I would never have changed history. In fact after our son was born we loved being parents so much we decided to have another one right away. Now we have two of the most amazing boys, and we love our life. When I look into my oldest son’s eyes, I sometimes think of that fateful day when I found out I was pregnant, I remember the fear I felt, and the painful tears I shed. I know how scared you feel. I was there. Now I can look back and see it in perspective. I can tell you It is a joy to have a child! I thank God I had the strength to follow my heart. Four years ago I basically had nothing. Now I have a beautiful family, and recently opened by own CLOTHING BOUTIQUE, and yes I have a very active social life. Let me know if you have any other questions.

    #20318
    AvatarStrongerThanMost1991

    HAHA your life is not over trust me i just turned 17 i had my daughter in september so i was 16 i have been out a couple times already and shes 4 months old i dont always leave her with someone i take care of her and im a damn good mom from what im told you just need some time to yourself 😛 to do whatever you want you will be an amazing mother no matter what and btw you can have both your future and your child im in school i work a night job and i take care of her all int he middle of that its amamzing what you can do when you have a baby you become super woman without even knowing it:)

    #20319
    AvatarStrongerThanMost1991

    HAHA your life is not over trust me i just turned 17 i had my daughter in september so i was 16 i have been out a couple times already and shes 4 months old i dont always leave her with someone i take care of her and im a damn good mom from what im told you just need some time to yourself 😛 to do whatever you want you will be an amazing mother no matter what and btw you can have both your future and your child im in school i work a night job and i take care of her all int he middle of that its amamzing what you can do when you have a baby you become super woman without even knowing it:)

    #20768
    Avatarwinterishrain

    Hi. you will have to work harder for what you want and make more sacrafices than you would have otherwise, but you’ll have the inspiration to do so. you’ll have a social life, but alot of times when your at home you’ll wish for a night off, and then when you finally get it, all you’ll be able to think about is your baby at home. but you can do it. Find support and friends who accept that you have a baby and need to be responsible. I like to say that my actions leading up to pregnancy were a mistake, but having a baby never is. Life will change, but just becuase it changes doesn’t mean it’s over. About the questions about happiness, having a good life, and things being ok, you need to become your own best freind and be able to reassure yourself of these things. It takes time, but those are all decisions you can make. you choose to be happy, you choose to have a good life and you refuse to take no for an answer when it comes to things being ok. You may have to fight for it everyday, but they are your decisions. And trust me, nothing puts the fight in you better than someone who loves and needs you unconditionally.

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