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March 7, 2008 at 11:54 am #20569alexanders_mama
Just wanted to write to all you wonderful girls on sug that *shock horror* there is a new man in my life, against all my resisting and avoiding to get into a relationship.
I’m shocked and surprised at how he treats me like a human being, he cares about me, messages and calls me all the time, does things for me, tries to see me as much as he can, he’s even fine with me having Alex, he plays with him and everything.
Alex asked me whether he was his dad and I told him he wasn’t, I told Alex that I didn’t know where his daddy was and I was sorry, I really wish I knew…He got a bit upset at first but he’s fine now. I had a talk to bf about it, and he didn’t get freaked…honestly, he is such a great guy, well it seems like it after three and a half months at least!
I’m so afraid of losing him now I don’t know what to do! It’s this stupid irrational fear that creeps up on me sometimes that someone who treats me like that is going to leave, it’s confusing.
I’m also really distressed that I broke my celibacy promise two weeks ago, he didn’t pressure me or anything, but I just kind of lost it if you know what I mean. It just keeps on bothering me; I’d told him I wanted to wait until doing anything, but I never told him I wanted to wait until marriage until it was too late…lol.
Anyhoo, just writing this because it keeps going over in my head and just wanted to share it with you girls. And also to say that even when you think there is NO WAY a guy will go for you and treat you right, sometimes it just happens. I thought it would never happen to me….look at me now. So there’s always hope that not all men out there are horrible lol.March 11, 2008 at 12:11 am #20599SweetTea
I’m glad you’re happy in your new relationship. 🙂 Let me share some of my love story with you… (Get out your barf bags, this is gonna get sappy!)
I had my daughter when I was 16. After the crazy realtionship full of drama ended with him, I didn’t want anything to do with guys. I went on a couple of dates with different people but none of them made it past date #2. I was an angry man-hater (as my brother likes to say!). None of them were what I was looking for, and for the first time in my life, my standards were set sky high on men because it wasn’t just me, it was my daughter, Emily, as well.
I got pretty discouraged for a while, because I just knew that I wouldn’t ever find anyone to meet my standards, but at the same time, I didn’t want to lower my standards just so that I would be able to find a boyfriend. So I shifted my focus and just quit looking. I knew that if God had someone out there for me, that He would lead me to him.
About a year later, I met Chris. We dated casually for a while until he left to go on a mission trip. We broke up when he left because he was going to be gone for a while. When he came back, we reconnected and things picked up. Just a short time later, he proposed. Six months later, we were married. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary in January.
Before Chris, I hadn’t ever been in a relationship with someone like him. He is so good to me, and it just keeps getting better. He takes such good care of Emily and I. He loves me for who I am. It’s not about what I will do for him, or who my friends are, or anything like that. He just loves me for me.
Chris was kind of hesitant with Emily, but his love for her has grown over time. I got to know him first, and then I started bringing her on dates. We would go out to eat at lunchtime (instead of at night) and eat somewhere kid-friendly. Then, we would go to the park or the playground. He loved me, and he loved Emily too, and that was evident. As a mom, you have to be SO careful about who you bring around your kids.
I know it must be awkward for a guy to come into a relationship where there is a child present. It has to be strange. But, if a guy just seems interested in you, don’t walk, RUN. Whoever you date should show interest in your child too.
And about breaking your vow… Talk to this guy about it. Explain to him why you want to have this vow and how important it is to you. If he is the right guy, he will respect that. But talk to him BEFORE things get heated. Try to structure your dates around places and things where you know that those temptations won’t arise. Schedule group dates with other friends who have similar values, and avoid late night solo dates where you’re going to be alone. Make your mind up before the time comes and have a plan in place so that you don’t slip up again. It will be so worth it, I promise. 🙂March 11, 2008 at 3:22 am #20601Meg11
I feel you so much girl…My husband and I made it till our wedding night without having sex but it didn’t happen without some stumbling along the way and tons of temptation…I don’t remember the date but I know it was in October of 2005, we were hanging out by ourselves late at night, bad idea…we were sitting too close and one thing lead to the next…we were touching each other in places that we shouldn’t have been and we didn’t want to stop…however we did, we got a grip and realized that we had allowed ourselves to get tired and give in to weakness…I cried so hard, I felt like such a failure, I had made it over a year with no kiss, no physical contact and I felt like priceless gold, at that moment I felt like it was all gone and that I was never going to feel pure and special again, I felt like there was no going back to that good feeling of purity…he felt horrible as well, he cried with me and then he went home…I thought for sure he would never speak to me again and I wasn’t sure I wanted to speak to him either, he did call me the next day to check on me and see how I was doing…he felt horrible for allowing that to happen, he gave me a bible verse that he read that morning and it really comforted me…it is in Hosea 6:1-3, Come, and let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. God will allow us to feel bad but He doesn’t want us to stay there, just because you slipped doesn’t mean you have to continue either though, like I said we didn’t have sex until our wedding night but we did slip a few more times than this one I named, God looks at your heart not at your works or "perfection", we failed but He did what this bible verse said, He healed, He revived our hearts, He brought a cleansing rain and He has raised us up…just because you had sex one or more times with this guy doesn’t mean he owns your body now, he sounds like a nice guy and I bet he would understand where you are coming from if you talk to him, it is so worth it…don’t live in defeat over a mess up, let the Lord raise you out of this stumbling and bring forth blessing, even when we are faithless He remains faithful because He will not deny Himself, I agree with SweetTea, set up a plan of action before dates, we didn’t allow ourselves to watch movies with love scenes or partial nudity or anything like that because it would raise the temptation to do those things ourselves, we also set rules of how close we would get and how tired we would allow ourselves to be around each other, he would leave before I tucked the kids in bed and we set up many "hedges" to keep our hands off each other, we were not perfect but it worked and we could have done even better if we tried harder, so Stand back Up and recommit yourself to waiting till marriage, it is not too late…Love MegMarch 11, 2008 at 6:52 pm #20606kez_mummy_2_skye
So glad you have found someone that treats you the way you want to be treated.
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