The Aftermath…What can I do?

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  • #7241
    AvatarAnonymous

    I am 19 and in College doing great but my pass is catching up to me and I dont know how to deal with it. My senior yea in HS I found out I was pregant from a long term bf and at that time it was a no brain choice…I had a full ride to college and had all these dreams and my bf was not ready for a child so I had an abortion and just burried the feelings and now I am back in love with the man of my dreams and all the feelings of lost and relazing that I just killed my own child and because the abortion had some comlations I probley can never have kids again and I am to lost on how to deal with all these emotions and everything I hate it and I have no one to rely on and able to tell because I am scared of the judgement from them.

    #7257
    AvatarAnonymous

    I was also 19 and in college when I found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend was very supportive but for many of the same resons, we also chose abortion. We later married and have been married for 13 years, but this has been a tension between us. He was born and raised Catholic and I had no formal religious upbringing. I have since converted to Catholisim and have only recently come to terms (17 years later) with my choice. I don’t know where you are in your faith journey, but I have found comfort knowing that I was to become a tool that God can use to stop others from making the same mistake I made and to help those who have already made the choice understand why they made it and what they can do with their experience. First, you must forgive yourself, then ask for God’s forgivness. This was very hard for me because I felt like a hypocrite. I struggled with going to reconciliation for 5 years after I became Catholic. I was so scared that others would judge me. I have come to see that if a person is truly a friend, they will understand. I have been blessed with four children and don’t know the full extent of your pain of never having your own children. Maybe God has other plans for you. Maybe there are some children that are going to need a home through adoption. I don’t know, just please be open to all possibilities and know that God does forgive you and is with you always. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Post edited by: pharmon, at: 2005/04/05 05:10

    #7337
    Avataraprilmarie0204

    I had an abortion when I was 19 and have regretted it ever since. so know that you are not alone. I dont know of anyone who has gone through with a termination and not felt regret. But do know that God forgives, and his judgement is the only one that matters. I recently came to realize that fully through this site. It has been helpful for me to tell my story to girls facing the same decision, and also to read about those who have been there and see how they deal with the pain. I dont know if you have told your fiance, but you should. I was with my husband when we decided to have an abortion, we already had one child and felt that we couldnt handle another one. It was the dumbest choice i have ever made, and it has caused stress in our marriage. but on the days when i am really depressed and having a tough time dealing it helps to be able to talk to him because he understands some of the hurt i feel. I dont know that you have to tell friends and family what you did, i havent and i dont think i ever will. It is my burden to carry and i know that they would never understand. And are you for sure you cant have any children of your own or is that just a possibility, because they told me i might not be able to and i have a beautiful little boy, but if it is a sure thing there is adoption which is wonderful. You may be helping a young girl who is in a situation similar to yours choose life for her child, and you will have a beautiful baby to call your own. I hope that everything works out for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers

    #7413
    AvatarAnonymous

    I am in the same situation. I’m 22, in college and just had an abortion. It was the worst experience of my life. My boyfriend said he was not ready and my parents threatened to disown me (which I now realize was entirely selfish of them). I went ahead with it. I do feel regret. I cry constantly and I am just not myself. I am sorry that you may not be able to have children one day. If you can’t, there are wonderful children just waiting to be adopted. I know it’s hard to deal with all of these feelings, but just trust what you did and try to forgive yourself. I’m not going to tell you that God will forgive you, because I am not a religious person. Just forgive yourself, that is most important.

    #7415
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hey Steph, don’t worry. God is always there for you, just lean on Him. I’ll keep you in my prayers!
    Romans 8:28-And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
    Isaiah 45:22-Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.
    Acts 2:21-And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

    #7509
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hello Stephanie. My name is Claire and i can really relate to what you are going through. I hated myself for a very long time and still get a little sad about what might have been when i think about what i did. I had an abortion at the age of 18. I sometimes have the same fears of not being able to become pregnate, and others judging me for what i have done in my past. But one thing that helps me realize what a beautiful life i live today is that just because i messed up back then, doesn’t mean that i have to make the same mistakes that lead up to me having an abortion. Also, in order for me to learn from my mistakes, i must not forget my past. My past is my greatest asset for continuing to learn, love and help others. See, what you wrote in your post helped me. You helped me remeber what is like to feel like no one knows how i feel.Today i KNOW for a fact that i am not alone. This website proves it. Today i try to share my experience to others who are having similar problems. I think you writing what you did in your post was awsome and i really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It was very hard for me to open up in the beginning about what i had done. I still have a hard time talking about it sometimes. But i know that things will get better if i continue to do the next right thing in my daily life. ( meaning checking my motives, seeing if i am doing something because of fear, trying not to hurt other by my actions, being as honest as i can….the list goes on and on) I am not perfect, and i still screw up. But I love myself today. And i am pretty sure if you keep on expressing yourself, maybe get somes sort of support group outside of this, and keep on trying to become a better person by being honest with yourself, that life will become better and you will be just fine. I say this because ,in a nut shell, that is what i did. Thanks- Claire

    #7553
    AvatarChantiStar

    Having a kid is a no brainer an abortion is not a no brainer. See, that is where your problem is. You’re still making excuses for why you had an abortion. Until you quit making excuses you will never completely own your problems. I feel sorry for you if you can’t have anymore kids. That was one of the reasons I had my child. I knew the risks of abortion and I wasn’t sure if my child would be my only child so why risk sterility because I was afraid for my career, etc..?. We don’t know our futures only God does, but He lets us live freely that is the beauty of it all. The fact is, you don’t know if you will have kids again so quit worrying and live your life. The more you feel sorry for yourself the longer it will take you to become happy. You are so young and when you are older you will realize how your thought processes at 18, 19 were pretty selfish. You need a lot of healing and it is gonna suck to have to be miserable and deal with this trauma. So, you gotta get help and reach out to other. I recently walked in the March for Life campaign on Constitution Ave. in Wash., D.C., and there were women holding signs that said, "I Regret My Abortion." Maybe you can be one of those women one day, too. God bless.

    #7589
    AvatarAnonymous

    I AM A TEEN MOTHER I GOT PREGNANTAT THE AGE OF 16 IAM 17 NOW AND I ADORE MY BABYGIRL WHEN THE BABY WAS CONCIVED I DID NOT KNOE WHAT TO DO BECAUSEMY PARENT WHERE NOT GOING TO ALLOW ME TO HAVE THE BABY AND THE BABYS DAD WAS MY EX WHO I WAS WITH FOR 3 YEARS. I MADE MY DECISION IN KEEPING THE BABY BUT MY PARENTS KICKED ME OUT OF MY HOUSE AND THE FATHER DOES NOT EVEN KNOW I HAD A BABY I HAVE MANAGED TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER IT COST ME ALOT OF HARD WORK BUT ME AND MY BABY ARE IN GOOD HEALTH I JUST WANTED TO SAY FOR THOSE WHO THINK THAT YOU NEED YOUR BF TO BE THERE FORYOUDURING YOUR PREGNACY ITS NOT EVEN MUCHLIKE THAT JUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE SUPPORT OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE

    #10116
    AvatarAnonymous

    I am 16 yrs old and I ‘ve had two abortions and recently I becomed pregnant and I dont know what to do I dont want to have another abortion the two abortions hurt my real bad mentally because I didnt want to my mother forced me but now I am not living with her I am living with my boyfriend whom is also very young and doesnt work and I am a person whom is very ambious and want alot out of live but with a kid how can I do that and also day by day I cant seem to find peace with my boyfriend Iam a very mature 16yrs old I would sacrifice(in agood respectful way) what ever to make sure that me and my child have whats best but how can I do so if I keep this child

    #10118
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hi melissa ,my name is marilyn and I was wondering how did you manage to support yourself as well as your baby ? what type of help did you manage to get you know being somewhat homeless and alone?

    #10165
    AvatarKit

    Marilyn,

    I would call the option line number or go to their website, or I would contact your local Birthright or crisis pregnancy center. They may be able to help you emotionally and financially with the pregnancy. They might be able to help you with housing and medical bills for the pregnancy or point you to somewhere that can. Good luck.

    Kate

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