Terrible consequences afterwards

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  • #28823
    AvatarClauRB

    I live in London and 3 years ago I had an abortion. I can number several reasons here why it seemed like the best thing to do at the time (financial situation, my boyfriend, my living conditions, complete ignorance of benefits and help, etc) and so I legally looked for help in a termination clinic. I was 3 weeks pregnant at the time and the appointment was booked for a couple of days later. I didn’t have any physical problems following the procedure, but as soon as it was over I knew something terrible would happen to me. I knew I rushed into the decision and couldn’t stop thinking what a terrible thing I’ve done. I had the feeling that I was going to be punished for my act and the strong sensation that I had deviated my path in life… as if I had run away from myself and was incapable to find my way back. Coming from a Catholic family, I started to pray for forgiveness and practice meditation. 2 years later I was starting to feel a little better about myself, but the feeling that something really bad would happen because of my act has never left my heart and my thoughts. A couple of months ago I was diagnosed with a very rare type of Cancer on my spine and the first thing that popped into my mind when I received the result was: I have caused this through the abortion. There is no proved medical relation between the abortion and the Cancer, but in my heart I know… I know that it is a consequence of my own action. I’ve been through a surgery and now need radiotherapy. It is a life threatening illness and I would rather not go through too many details specifically about it. All I want to do is create awareness. Don’t rush into the decision of having an abortion. Look for help, information, think, talk, pray if you believe meditate if you like, and look for the answers inside yourself. Don’t do what I have done, don’t panic. Things happen at the right time, even if you can’t see right now. Trust yourself. I really wish I have had my baby.

    #28824
    AvatarMeg11

    I am so sorry for all that you are going through….Thank you for sharing your story with us all, sometimes we think we are doing the best thing and it really turns out to be the worst thing for us, your honesty and heart are very needed on this site…it is hard to come back and say, I was wrong, but when we do, we begin to experience healing….I know you believe that your cancer is connected to the abortion, you may be right, but do know that God is not out to punish you, Your punishment was paid in full on the cross, His heart breaks for you and He has a deep love and forgiveness extended to all who are brave enough to say, I was wrong and I’m sorry….My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue to fight this battle and I hope you will continue to feel forgiveness wash over you as you seek God for healing from this painful regret…Love Meg

    #28825
    AvatarClauRB

    Hello Meg,
    Thank you so much for your message. I really appreciate your words and they help me believe more and more on His deep love and forgiveness, like you said. My battle is just starting and hope I will be able to feel forgiveness and healing.
    Lots of love
    Claudia

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