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March 16, 2008 at 4:11 am #20661ihearttJGIV
Ok. So let me draw this out.
My mom is an alcoholic and smokes like 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day.
My daddy, true enough works hard, smokes pot.
I just found out that I am pregnant.
I’m very excited but I don’t know what direction to go in with telling my parents. I want to write a letter but I just don’t know how to go about it. I need to emphasize that me being pregnant means that they have to stop all of that like now, or let me move out.
My boyfriend is excited and is willing to do anything for me and i want to live with him because i know he will make sure I get to the doctor and keep things positive. They will not do that and I really don’t think I can live like that, its a risk to our unborn baby’s life and to mine. then again, I certainly do not want to end up in some random home. please help me in choosing the right words.
xxxMarch 17, 2008 at 1:13 am #20667littlemomma17
hey im breanna
i am 17 but became pregnant at 16… i didnt tell my mom and it made her even more mad that she had to ask me first.. so i think you should tell them and you need to base your decision about keep your baby with only you… no one else.. im here to talk whenever you need itMarch 17, 2008 at 1:29 pm #20672winterishrain
hi, I went through this a few weeks ago. one thing that helped me was having a few plans in case they weren’t supportive, and since they were, it showed that I had thought about my decision alot already.
for example, know the names of some maternity homes, get the facts on wic, housing aid, section 8, medicaid, and, if your still in school, how you plan on continuing. this way it shows that your responsible and willing to to whatever it takes to make it work.
Also, it might be good to approach it as " I respect your opinions, but have decided against abortion and/or adoption and ask that you respect that" if keeping the baby and raising it is the choice you have made.
as far as their behavior, a grand child might just be what they need to kick their habits. But, maybe not. Maybe you can come to a comprimise of some kind. Although it sucks, this was your decision, and although what they are doing isn’t right, you can’t make them change their ways.
tell her, but have a back up plan and a place to go just in case things don’t work out for the best. Sometimes the best future grandparents need a little time to think and cool off without their pregnant child in their face. Your boyfreind sounds great, and although young relationships don’t always work out, I have seen them happen if your willing to fight for it. So, if he’s a positive and supportive source in your life RIGHT NOW, then lean on the shoulder he is offering. Some of the best fathers I know, including my own, were young ones who really steped up for their children. I hope it all works out for the best.March 18, 2008 at 6:36 am #20674Anonymous
Hi, I read your request for advice and I wanted to reply. First of all, it was your choice to get pregnant – NOT your parents’. What I mean by this is they don’t have to stop doing anything just because you’re pregnant. Both my parents AND my brother smoked pot in the house that I brought my daughter home to. You can’t just tell them to stop doing it. It’s their choice to do what they do. And it is NOT up to your parents OR your boyfriend to keep things positive and keep yourself healthy. That is YOUR responsibility. You can’t blame anyone else for your pregnancy therefore you can’t blame anyone else for missing doctors appointments; you’re 16 – you CAN get a driver’s license. You CAN take a bus. Hell, if you’re desperate you can get a friend or a teacher to drive you to the appointment. And if you miss one or two that is NOT a risk to your child unless your pregnancy is unusually complicated. Now, if you want to move out that is your decision. I want to tell you that you’re going to have a pretty tough time getting an apartment complex to lease to a 16 year old – especially one with a kid who’s going to school. Moving in with your boyfriend could be an option. IF his parents said it was okay. But then, you DO have to follow THEIR rules. And just so you know, it’s pretty stressful to live with a guy under their parents’ roof. You are their guest. They are doing you a FAVOR. You won’t necessarily have any say if they decide you guys can’t sleep in the same room or something stupid. Plus, you could find out that your boyfriend now is not the guy you want to be with forever. You COULD get in fights and stuff. And since you’d be walking out on your parents, you might be leaving some hard feelings behind and you might not be allowed back. Where will you go then? Do you have a backup plan for that? If you’re worried about stress harming your unborn child, having nowhere to go after a big fight with your boyfriend is a good way to stress yourself out. If you’re really concerned about how to tell your parents that your pregnant, giving them an ultimatum is NOT a good way to go about it. You can’t just go up to your parents and be like "hey, I got myself into a mess now YOU have to fix yourself up so I can live the life I want to". If you’re truly worried about what they will say, I think a calm setting in which you sit them down and tell them in a mature way is probably the best idea. But it sounds like you’re just ready for them to kick you out. It sounds like you want them to. If it happens, it happens. But don’t CAUSE the fight with put downs like the ones you said here on standupgirl. You know, you’re parents love you and you just classified one as a pothead and the other as an alcoholic. You don’t exactly sound greatful to them. You’re about to become a parent and really know what it’s like to sacrifice. Do you want your kid to say things like that about you after you raised them the best you can? Think about all this – good luck.March 25, 2008 at 12:19 pm #20738winterishrain
another thing to think about, if your a minor, is that your parents essentally, if their the type, could end up making the decisions for you, since you are still under their care. In most states, however, they cannot make you abort or adopt with your consent.
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