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April 10, 2009 at 7:41 am #24745browneyedgirl7
So I went to the doctor today for just a regular appointment and left with the surprising news that I was pregnant. I was never expecting this. I have been thinking about it all day and am split between the decision of abortion or to keep it. My boyfriend is being very supportive and comforting. I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 25 but I feel like I am too young to raise a child. Not only that, but my family lives in Europe so the only support I have here is my boyfriend. I am going to college and working full time and I am scared what will happen to all that if I decide to keep it. I have always been pro-life but now I am starting to think that maybe this will be better for me, my boyfriend, and the child. First, neither of us can afford a child right now and I need to finish school. Also, I am concerned about having a child out of wedlock because you never can truly know what the future holds and I don’t want my child dealing with the family issues that so many children have to. My boyfriend and I feel as though we are just not ready to be raising a child and would much rather what a couple years… but we have a decision now to make. Does anyone have some comforting words? I just want to know how it was handling an abortion vs. handling raising a child when it seems to impossible to do it properly. I’m just really scared and have been a mess all day. I can’t talk to my parents about it because they will freak out on me and that’s the last thing I want right now. Will someone please be my female mentor?? :dry:April 10, 2009 at 8:56 pm #24750Meg11
Hey there, Browneyed Girl…that is what I call my youngest sometimes, she has theses amazing big brown eyes that you can get lost in…sorry, enough about her for now..LOL…so the issue is this, I was 20 when I gave birth to my first, 19 when I got pregnant, My mom took her own life when I was 3 1/2 months along and soon after she was born my sister moved away, I was left alone with her abusive dad who I soon left, she was about a year old then, and I had to grow up really fast and do it all alone…is it possible to raise a child on your own at 20? YES, I did it, there were good days and bad and I had to learn what a NEED was versus a want but I made it and I am sooooo glad that I have her. I then got pregnant again when she was almost 2, I had two kids on my own with no family around, I worked full time and I was mommy and had to pay the bills and do all the house work and fix all the meals etc. It was exhausting at times but I made it, I am now married after 4 1/2 years of single motherhood and struggling, my kids have a wonderful new daddy and I also have a stepson now and we have had one more child together, my little brown eyed girlie, I will never regret keeping my kids, I will never regret the hard times, I will never regret Standing Up when everyone else walked away…You would be so amazed at all teh resources out there, there is WIC, where you can get free milk, eggs, cheese, cereal, peanut butter, and juice, once the baby is born they will give you extra and formula and baby cereal, also if you breastfeed they give you carrots, tuna and beans or peas, they give you a lot also, there is usually some sort of State medical program where you can have free medical, I have never paid for any of my medical appointments or births for my three kids, I have never paid for their immunizations or anything like that, even my last one when I was pregnant I still qualified for state medical, There is food stamps and hygiene vouchers, you can qualify for special grants for college, you can get assistance with child care through the state, I could go on and on of all the resources out there to help you, your baby is not going to ruin your life, this child will only teach you what life is all about, this child will not take away from your future, but rather add to the richness of your future, this child will not be something or should I say someone to regret, I know you can do this because I did, I was successful too and it sounds like you have your head on a little better than I did at that age too so you have a major head start…LOL…I would love to be a female mentor for you as will so many other girls on here but I will take that position by first telling you that you do not want to go through with an abortion, I can see just in your writing that you already love this child, you are pro life, that means that you acknowledge that there is a life inside of you, a beating heart, this is your flesh and blood, if your boyfriend walks away that is his loss, this is your life, taking the life of this child will not be better for him/her, taking the life of this child will not be better for you or your boyfriend or your relationship, that is the truth and I truly think you know that, I am here for you and I hope that this reaches you in time to spare the life of your amazing little bundle who is warm and protected in the deepest part of your body, safe and sound and protected from this cold harsh world, you are already a mommy, choose to be a good one!!! Love MegApril 10, 2009 at 10:49 pm #24752bernardette.x
Browneyedgirl, i had an abortion 9 months ago. it has ruined my life. there is not one moment when i dont think that my innocent baby was killed all because i was too scared to stand up to my family.
dont make the same mistake that i and many others make. nothing can prepare you for an abortion. it has killed me- i find it extremely hard to find reasons to get up in the morning.
Be the voice for your child. Stand strong and let no one hurt you and your little baby. You will not regret it when you see your child smile at you, when you hear your child tell you they love you.
Your a mother now. stay strong sweetie!
xApril 12, 2009 at 9:39 pm #24777nadza
hey sweety, i think u should give adoption a thought…..April 14, 2009 at 5:26 am #24786insubordinateximpx09
The other girls have given some very good advice, but I just thought I’d mention that just because people get married and have kids, doesn’t mean that they will be the ones to stay together. For example, my boyfriends mom has 4 kids. She got married to the oldests dad. And then they had the baby and got divorced. Then his mom got married again, had my boyfriend’s sister, and got divorced. Then his mom came back to her hometown, started dating my boyfriend’s dad, had two kids (my boyfriend and his younger sister) and then got married. And now they’ve been together over 20 years. So basically what I’m trying to say, is just because a baby is born out of wedlock, doesn’t mean you and the father will break up and if you were married it doesn’t guarantee that you would stay together.
Good luck to you hun. 🙂
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