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July 30, 2007 at 6:21 am #18478Nevaehs_mommy2005
On Tuesday morning, I was at a friends house, and I woke up with some guy over top of me, and I had my pants off. I have no clue what happened, I went to the hospital and the police, and at first I felt sorry for myself, now Im just ticked. The police found the guy and then relesed him. Im so scared to be by myself, Ive been pushing my boyfriend away, I feel so bad, what can I do or say to him to make him realize I cant really trust guys right now?July 30, 2007 at 1:21 pm #18480Meg11
Hey there, my name is Meagan and I help out here on Standupgirl…I came across your post here and my heart broke for you…I have been in similar situations before and I know how scary it is…you did the right thing though by going to the hospital and the police..I am 25 now but when I was 15 I had ran away and I was living in a garage in a tent at a friends house…at least I thought they were my friends…there were times I would wake up with gum in my hair, or with my belongings hidden or stolen…there was a particular time when I drank too much and I was urinated on while I was throwing up and then my "friend" took me in the bathroom, took my clothes off, put me in the tub, filled it with water and bubble bath…how sweet..he was taking care of me and cleaning me up…then he got in the tub and even though I said NO he had sex with me and by the time he was done the bath was red from my blood and I was not on my period…he raped me and took advantage of me in my weakest state…then to make matters worse a few weeks later his brother came in one night while I was sleeping and he took my clothes off against my will and covered my mouth with his hand and had sex with me…it was the worst season of life I had been through up to that point…eventually a friend from school learned of my situation and took me home to his mom and they took me in and treated me very well and I actually still have a great relationship with his mom even though I moved to a different state 7 yrs ago….all this to say…I don’t know what you do in your spare time…I don’t know who your friend is who’s house this was at…but…a REAL friend does not allow a guy to go in to where you are sleeping…your friend should have been more protective of you while you were sleeping…if he/she was sleeping too then why was this guy free to wander around the house???…this is not your fault!!! you were unwillingly taken advantage of and that is not right…there is nothing you can do at this point to change what has happened but from here on out please consider my advice….if you are staying at a friends house make sure that it is only girls staying over and that the doors are locked until everyone wakes up and is moving around…also I notice you have a child…where was she when this happened?? No offense but were you drinking??? I don’t ask this to say anything but this…if you are of legal age to drink and you choose to do so that is up to you but please make sure you will not endanger your child or yourself….if you are not of legal age to drink then please reconsider the choices you have made to put yourself in a position for this to happen…you are to valuable and special to make yourself vulnerable for this type of crime to happen, and your child needs you…what if you were raped and killed??? what if you were in an accident??? I hope you can hear what I am saying and that it doesn’t hurt you more than you are right now…these are just things I had to learn the hard way…as for your boyfriend..if he can’t understand that you need distance or space right now then what is his reason for being with you??? if he loves you then he should understand and put your needs and emotions first in this very difficult time…my suggestion would be to practice abstinence and let your body and emotions rest from a physical relationship for now…if your boyfriend can’t handle it then he doesn’t deserve you….I hoe this has helped a little…I am here anytime you need to talk and my life is an open book to you so don’t hesitate to ask me ANYTHING….I pray that you find peace, justice, healing and rest in the next few days or weeks or however long this will take…just know that you are not alone…we all love you here at Standupgirl and we will be by your side through this…Lots of Love and Prayers…Meg
firstname.lastname@example.orgJuly 30, 2007 at 1:48 pm #18482ericklirios
You’ve been through quite an ordeal.
Without my having to pry into your life, you have to face up to the reality that you seemed to have been violated and it was something you didn’t want.
A question though, arises at this point: did you put yourself in a situation wherein there were many guys around you and did you allow yourself to be vulnerable? If you were drinking, anyone can put anything in your drink to make you unconscious and they can very well do anything with you. To be frank, the guy you found on top of you might simply have been the last guy. There might have been others who had their dip but weren’t drunk enough to pass out or had simply left the room.
The thing here is don’t ever put yourself in a situation where a guy can be tempted to just have his way with you. Meg (Mweber) pointed this out quite well. You can’t be living the same life you were living before you had a daughter. You have to be so much more careful now for your child’s sake.
Why can’t you tell your boyfriend? At this point, you really need his support. Did he also do something to you? Did he know the guy you found on top of you?
Look, you need people to help you through this. Talk to somebody. If you’re still in school, talk to a lady teacher or counselor. If you go to church, there are bound to be people there whom you can trust. You can talk to any one of us here on SUG but you have to be very frank about what you’ve been doing so that people can give you genuine help. Otherwise, there’s very little anyone can do to help you.
We can’t stretch out our hand to you if you don’t cry for help first.
Take care, honey. We’ll all be here for you.
ErickAugust 3, 2007 at 4:21 am #18528Nevaehs_mommy2005
I wasnt drinking. I have anxiety issues, so I took my meds as perscribed and they knock me out. My friend had went out and had told the guy to leave. He did but I guess he came back. My daughter lives with her dad because Im living in a shelter that wont allow me to have my child with me. There were only 2 other guys there and my little sister was there as well, but she was upstairs and I was passed out on the couch. I finally told my boyfriend and he had the reaction I thought he would. I couldnt tell him anything about what happened so he broke up with me thinking that it was a story trying to cover that I cheated on him. I just dont care anymore. Im ticked at the fact that this happened to me and upset at my ex. Now Im finding out that this is not the first time that this jerk has done this, and he wants to take it to trial. I dont know what to think. Im scared, I feel hopeless. Im neglecting the people that are trying to help me and hide myself away. There are counslers at the shelter I live at, but I dont want to talk to them.August 5, 2007 at 3:39 am #18558mommy6
im so sory for what happ to you ive been rapped at 13 yrs old i dont want to go into details but let me tell you put his ass behind bars go to trial dont let him do it again., as for your bf hes so wrong i hope he turns around n relizes whats up its not your fault n never will be dont be scared to tlak to anyone you didnt do anything wrong at all., you didnt ask for this please talk to a counsler.,i hope it all works out if you ever need to talk im here 4 u mommy6.,
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