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December 6, 2006 at 7:49 am #13711Anonymous
I’m 19 years old and i have a 23 month old daughter. Just today I found out that I’m pregnant 4weeks and 4 days. I told the father and he told me to get an abortion. He said he can’t afford or want anymore kids right now. He said I don’t need a another baby especially since I’m a full time college student, but I just don’t feel the same way. I really don’t want to have an abortion. I told him and he said if I don’t then this will make him become very bitter. I do love him and i do value his opinion but what about what i want. i feel if i have to keep questioning myself about it then i shouldn’t do it. I really need some advice. I’m a total emotional wreck right now. Even with the holidays coming up I still can’t find any JOY because i know I’m going to have to make one of the biggest decesion of my life. PLEASE HELP:(December 6, 2006 at 11:43 am #13713mrs_meliss
Never make a desision like that for someone else, no matter how much you love him. If he loves you then his anger will subside and he will understand in the end. You will spend the rest of your life bitter if you have the abortion. Your pain will never go away. It is not something you do and its over and behind you. it is always there, everytime you see the baby you have you will question what this baby would be like and why you chose one life over another. you are a mother and i dont feel in your heart you want to do it so i hope you dont. your man will get over it. and if he doesnt at least you will never have to regret and you will have a happy life even if it means it is a bit harder at times. it is well worth it. no money in the world can ever replace your baby. you wont care about all the things you are worried about when you hold that life in your arms. everyhthing else is will seem silly that you would even have thought to give up this life. never let someone else persuade you yo make such a huge desison like that! your life will never be the same again.
melissaDecember 7, 2006 at 12:18 am #13726Anonymous
Take adeep breath and slow down hon.
First of all – I have to echo the above – DON NOT MAKE A lifelong decision like this basedo n what someone else wants you to do.
If you don’t ocme together FULLY on your decision (the 2 of you) here’s what will happen:
1.) You will have the abortion for him and you will become BITTER AND RESENTFUL towards him. You’re relationship will NEVER be the same. And you may never forgive yourself. Read through the posts here – many of these young ladies feel as if they are scarred for life over the trauma & guilt of their abortions.
2.) If you have the baby and parent him/her he will be forced to step up to the plate. He will either:
a.) fall i love as soon as he sees the little peanut
b.) or he will in fact be bitter and resent you and your relationship
will fall apart anyway.
How is he with your toddler? Is he fabulously in love with her – does everything with and for her? Because that’s what a real dadddy, and a real man does. He takes care of his children in EVERY way, not just one or two days a week or month.
If he’s a good guy he’ll be there for you. It’s alot for him to handle now – especially if you guys are trying to make a future together – and it sounds like you’re doing that with your schooling.
As your pg progresses you’ll get a better feel for how his reaction will be once the baby comes. If you still it not progressing towards unabashed fatherly love nad you don’t feel equipped to handle two onyour own, there is always open adoption – which can be fabulous! (I know)
I wish you strength in your decision and I just hope this isn’t the beginning of a broken relationship that you stay in for too long, at the detriment of your emotional health and your children.
I’m sorry – I just can’t imagine a MAN telling you to get an abortion.
Good luck sweetheart. You’ll make the right choice, I can tell by the tone of your post that you’re a good girl!!!December 10, 2006 at 8:34 am #13812shelbina143
Think about how you would feel after the fact. Would you be more emotionaly stable to provide your daughter with a sibling that she will have the rest of her life or after you took away the life of one child. He may say he is going to be bitter and he just might, but not everyone gets the chance to be a mom. much less twice. I pray for you and that you make the right decision…December 14, 2006 at 5:08 am #13901Crystal32
I was in the exact same situation a couple of months ago. I told my husband (we already have 2 kids – 7 years old and 5 years old) that I was pregnant and he told me to get an abortion. He said we can’t afford it. He told me if I chose to keep the baby I would be a single mother and that I would have to move out. He told me awful things that really hurt. I made my decision that he helped to make this baby and if he did not want us then he did not love us and I decided to tell him I would leave and somehow make it with out him. I am keeping my baby – that is what I WANT. I did it for me! So, I did tell him and do you know what he said? He immediately started back tracking. He told me he could not lose his family and he even started saying things like this baby deserves a chance to live. It caught me off guard. he even cried and told me how much he loved me and did not want to lose us. So, long story short, I stood up for what I wanted. Do not get me wrong, there was some tough times but he came around. He is telling everyone now and is so excited. He wants a boy. : ) I look at him and think, what if I would have went through with it just becuase he wanted it at the time. We would probably be separated because I could not have lived with myself and things would have probably been worse. I have been there and learned, if he really loves you he will stick with you. It may take some time for him to get used to (if you tell him you want to keep the baby) but I am telling you do not do this for him. Read my blog – I have been in some pretty tough times with pregnancy and we still pull through – with the babies! : ) Let me know if you need to talk – you can email me.December 14, 2006 at 8:35 am #13916brooke
Crystal I do need to tlk to someone who has had a similar experience as what I am going through right now. I am myself up in air about all of this but I don’t know if it me or my husband talking. I keep hearing all of the hurtful things he has said to me and it makes me really sad! For him to think that I would do this on purpose and him not be there for me hurts me,December 15, 2006 at 5:25 am #13944Crystal32
Send an email to me through my profile. It always helps to have someone to talk to who has been there. I am here for you anythime!
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