Sober mothers and drunk daddies

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  • #13659
    Avatarguinessblonde

    Hi, my name is Erica, I’m 27, I have two kids, 1 that is 9 and 1 that is 4 and I am pregnant now.

    My first pregnancy was weird, I was 17 and absolutley in love with my boyfriend, although, I can’t say the same for him. He stayed with me, had it not been for me and his family. He began drinking at 16 and he got way bad off after he found out I was pregnant. Not long after we both discovered this, he broke into my aunts house with two other girls and his friend whose girlfriend I stayed with during the night of the break-in. So, my family didn’t approve of him before and they sure as hell didn’t after this. My pregnany was rough, I can’t say he cheated on me during it, but I’m sure he did.

    When my water broke he drove me to the hospital drunk and rather quick. After 18 hours of labor and finally the birth, he left and didn’t come back until the wee hours of the morning, said he had to go celebrate. Came back drunk and slept on a cot right next to me in the room. In the next five years that she was born, he managed to stay drunk, stay gone, and cheat on me.

    3 years after K-Anna was born She was taken from us. He basically had party houses every place we moved to, and the last one finally did it, we both did something stupid to get her taken away, luckily she went to my mothers and not his, but still. It was up until then that I realized this is so freaking retarded, Why do I not have a daughter anymore? Drunker than a ****, loosing jobs here, calling in there, leaving and not calling. He even went as far as capturing me and almost making us wreck with his drunk fast driving while my baby was in the house alone. This went on for five years after we met.

    The second pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant and went to pick him up, Where did you ask? At another girls house, tried to introduce me to her like we were gonna be friends or something. He was cheating on me with her also, I was taking him home and told him in tears you better be ready cause I’m having another baby. Yea, During that whole pregnancy he slept with four other girls, attempted to move in with one and stayed drunk for the whole thing. I moved out, left him in the apartment, he let everything go and begged to stay with me, There is where I found two of the greatest friends anyone could ask for. It was my house, or a duplex, and I made it into anything I wanted it to be. So the party house stopped after Kane was born, I allowed some of his closer friends to come in and kick it, but thats about it.

    After one year I moved to my fathers house, which I am grateful for, and it just got worse, I started to realize what it is that we need in order to survive, what kind of family Kane needed in order to grow up decent, and it’s like nothing phased him. For years, jail time, promises, rehab, and all the faith in the world, to this day nothing has changed.

    As the years rolled on after Kane, we both started getting abusive to each other, him more so walls and things, but me, it was different, he was the object of my dark black hole that I let my self get into. All that faith, promises and trust that was borken down into peices and put back up solely by me left, It was all cold and nasty. After the third year of living there, I moved yet once again, but in seperate houses. He moved in to his own house with a friend. I moved Kane and I to a nice little house farther away from him. and not even 5mths later, after don’t get with anybody, we are still together, blah, this blah that, still drinking heavily,

    I’m pregnant again. I found out Oct. 10th, He was seeing some girl that he worked with, as usual. They haven’t even been talking for 30 days, I found out I’m pregnant, I wasn’t gonna let him know, in fact when I found out, he just so happened to be there so I had to tell him cause I was crying. I told him I wished it was someone elses. He said he’d stick by me for it and he would stop talking to her, Come Nov, 2 I found out he talked to her clear up until Oct.31. I love you Erica, I love you baby, blah blah blah.

    Here it is, Thanksgiving, and he got drunk for 10th time on Thanksgiving, and he promised he would stop as of last weekend. See I’m not a freaking idiot, I just care, but when you take advantage of the care and love that somebody gives you you turn it dry and sour. I made him leave tonight after I discovered that he bought another 1/2 pint of crown after I told him to stop, and I didn’t just tell him, I made it clear I wasn’t having the drink around my family, my daughter was with me tongiht. So I made him walk to either his house, his moms house or the b**ch down the road that he walked to the other night after being so drunk off the drink that he basically threw himself on her. I kicked him, I punched him in his chest I called him a peice of sh*t, I told him why take a drink backward than not take one and go forward.

    WHAT HAVE I DONE?

    I might have twins and he’s promising me a wedding, thats right we aren’t married, and he’s promising a family, alife, everything, of course he is, but I want it so bad and he makes it sound so realt, like he can actually provide me with this.

    What do I do??????????

    #13689
    AvatarHermia2012

    Honey child, what are you thinking….. you need to leave this dip **** b4 he doesnt something stupid and hurts your kids. do you love them…… cause if you do you would leave him for their safty. trust me. it is hard to get up and walk away but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! you are a stong woman. i know that cause you didnt follow your man it to the world of druken stupor. so just leave him while you can. that is my advice. this relationship is not healthy.
    write me at anytime at my email. i am willing to talk.
    keep in touch.

    #13695
    AvatarAnonymous

    Oh honey – I don’t know why on earth you feel so badly about yourself that you have let this man abuse you for so long – my God you lost a child because of him – when is enough going to be enough? You HAVE TO STOP for the SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN! HE doesn’t love you sweetheart – I know that’s not what you want to hear but THAT IS NOT LOVE.

    It breaks my heart reading stories like yours here because many of you don’t know that love is suppose to be happy, and make you feel goos about yourself. IT IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE PAINFUL – THAT IS NOT LOVE.

    Presuming you love your children why on earth is the the man you’re giving them as their father? Men who love their girlfriends/wives and are in love with their children DO NOT GO TO BARS TO CELEBRATE ON THE NIGHT OF THEIR BIRTH – and they never risk driving drunk!!!!!!

    Please get help and get away and please consider placing this baby for adoption if you’re not able to create a safe environment for him/her.

    Good luck , and PLEASE start telling yourself that you DESERVE A MAN WHO TREATS YOU LIKE A QUEEN!!!!!!!!

    #13700
    AvatarLauren5535

    Alright, as a psychology major I don’t even know where to start. Your boyfriend has serious problems. He sounds like compulsive cheater and an alcoholic. Either way, you don’t deserve his B***S*** and your kids definately don’t need a father figure like him in their lives. If he’s going to hurt anyone, let it be himself and only himself. Get yourself and your children away from him. It is crucial that your children have a healthy upbringing. They can’t keep observing the way you and your boyfriend interact, because, it will only cause negative emotional and psychological effects on them. I know you love your children and you want what’s best for them. The best thing is to move on from this abusive man. There are much better men out there who actually have the self control to keep their penis’ in their pants and not in every other girls vagina. Your a strong woman and mother. Please don’t believe his lies anymore. Do what’s best for your kids.

    #13768
    Avatargoodluckyall

    Please don’t take this the wrong way, but since you had one child taken in the past (involuntarily) and he’s still drinking, you run a risk of having these babies taken as well unless you break away from him…

    I’m not saying you’re personally doing anything wrong, but if you associate with someone who drives around drunk and is abusive (hitting walls is considered abusive), and keep getting pregnant by him, this will be seen as your not trying to improve/change your situation…

    Only you have that answer, but it sounds like you’ve wasted a good deal of time on a man who refuses to grow up… I wish you only the best. Again, I’m not judging you at all, as I’m a birth sibling myself and have nothing but respect for biomoms who make this selfless decision. I’m just giving you food for thought and wishing you well.

    #13966
    AvatarAnonymous

    hey hunny, you need to help your self before you can even decide to be with him.. and most importantly you need to think of your children, if he hasnt changed for the children he isnt goint to change for you. and i know its easier said than done but you need to let him go before one day he comes back with a disease… and you dont want to gor forbid pass it on to one of your children

    #14014
    AvatarAnonymous

    hey darling,
    im only 17 but i know that no matter what any guy promises me you can never beleive, im not sayin all guys are bad because there are good ones but this guy u mention in ur article continues to do the same thing over and over to u so what makes you think that this time his "promise" will be any different from the last 50 promises he happened to break. Your stronger then you think you are. You have beautiful children and are more then capable of raising them by yourself, its not like he has ever rasied them with you. He has been doing this to you for a long time now and continues to promise things he clearly isnt keeping, you deserve much better then to be cheated to and lied to. There will come a day when a guy who respects and loves you an your children more then you thought so dont settle for empty promises.
    keep safe

    #14673
    Avatargbrown68

    I am 38 years old and have a good feeling I know what you’ve been going through and what you will continue to go through. Is this man worth the pain he will cause you and your children? He needs some serious treatment and until you let go and let him fall, he will never hit rock bottom like he needs to. You are there to let him walk all over you and continue to take him back. You are enabling his behavior and therefore, he knows he can always count on you to take him back no matter what.
    So, what you need to do is get ready to start taking care of you and your children. Your children are most important here and you need to take care of them and keep them safe. You have made some choices that have affected your future so far, please don’t make another bad choice by staying with him. What you can do is not get married to him and let him know you’ll be more than happy to support him while he goes through a treatment program, but he needs to get himself better and start moving down the right road.
    My ex husband has been in treatment about 7 times. Out of the 7, probably 3 -4 while I was still with him. Yes, I was pregnant too. What a miserable time. I was pregnant for the 1st time and he went into treatment. I couldn’t enjoy my 2nd pregnancy at all. I’ll never forget my mom saying at Christmas time when I broke the news to her that I was 3 months pregnant………….why’d you go and do that? It still makes me feel bad. I know what she meant, but when you pregnant your hormones make you extra emotional. That’s been over 12 years, but it’s like it was said yesterday. Anyway, I finally made up my mind to just be done with things. I was worth more than the way he treated me, all the nights up after coming home at 2:30 and all the yelling and verbal abuse. I didn’t need to raise my kids in that kind of enviroment. Wow! It was a hard road, but I made it. You can too. You don’t need to be treated that way either. I had many of nights where I picked him up from his drinking bouts, picked him up at the hospital with my boys, called the jail to see if he’d been arrested, and called the morgues. Not a fun thing. And you know what? Your life would be so much easier not having to deal with this anymore. I couldn’t believe the relief it gave to me and the kids when I said I was done. I know it’s a hard thing to do, but you have the strength to do it. It’s now been 9 years and I’ve never been happier. In the beginning he would harrass me, climbed on the top of my house several times trying to get into the house, came to my back door in the middle of the night and I took many of calls. It gets better. It really does. It just takes time. In the meantime, you will get stronger and feel better about yourself and the kind of world you are bringing your new child(ren) up in. My ex took several years more to finally come to a point where he was ready for the treatment and has now been sober for 2 1/2 years. And, guess what? Sober or not, I am happier without him. We get along very well and my kids are happier now that dad is sober. That’s the only thing you can wish for, but you can’t do it. He has to do it himself. If you have to raise this baby(s) on your own, you’ll just have to find the courage to do so. That brings me to now. Again, I am 38, pregnant for the last time and so very happy. I will be getting married some time this year, but we’re not in any rush to do so. We are just taking this all as it comes. He is a wonderful man and has been for 5 years. My kids love him and you too can find the same thing. But, you first have to take care of you before this can all happen. Life is a rough road and things happen for a reason. You are just made stronger by everything that has come your way. If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. I’d be mroe than happy to talk with you and support you with the choices you need to make. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family!
    Gabrielle

    #14736
    AvatarJCarpenter1026

    You know, I went through the same situation but mine ended in the death of him because he was that bad with drinking, partying, and driving. He didn’t care, he didn’t want us, he showed love only in bed, and when he wanted something he acted nice, got it, then drank and became a ass. Honestly if he is really that bad give him an altamadium and tell him it’s the bottle or me. Reguardless of the kids cause I am sure you are all they need, but he is apart since he is the daddy and he needs to grow up and act like a man. End it if not because I do not want you to go through what I went through. It almost led me to suicide. Good luck girl!

    #14737
    AvatarJCarpenter1026

    You know, I went through the same situation but mine ended in the death of him because he was that bad with drinking, partying, and driving. He didn’t care, he didn’t want us, he showed love only in bed, and when he wanted something he acted nice, got it, then drank and became a ass. Honestly if he is really that bad give him an altamadium and tell him it’s the bottle or me. Reguardless of the kids cause I am sure you are all they need, but he is apart since he is the daddy and he needs to grow up and act like a man. End it if not because I do not want you to go through what I went through. It almost led me to suicide. Good luck girl!

    #14799
    Avatarbambimami32

    i dont know what to say,sweety you dont deserve this and your kids dont needs this aswell…why have you stayed with this man that treats you so badly for so long…how many times has he said we has changed and lets you down.besides his drinking he clearly does not love you because he is sleeping around with other women and with every women he sleeps with he is also sleeping with the people she has been with…you dont know what kind of std’s they are carrying
    and he will eventually infect you with HIV think about your kids think about YOU. HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME,CARE AND LOVE.

    #16511
    Avatarbaby_dee

    hey huny am dee am sorry u have to go trough with him please dont take this the wrong way i know we all dream on havin a family an being happy but u know u can have that but not with him he is not good for u or u babies think about it u already have a baby who got taken away from u bcos of him i think u are a strong person an u will do fine without him u have ur family is support an thats all u need not someone who cheats on u an gets drunk after promisin that he wont.
    be strong an make a better life for u and ur babies
    i know u can do it
    keep the faith
    am here if u wanna talk
    take kare God bless u
    love dee

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