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April 28, 2011 at 1:07 am #28203Saydie
I’ve been going out with a lovely guy from my college for four months now. He knows about my boys, Noah and Max (aged four now!!) but he hasn’t met them yet. The boys’ father is had always been out of the picture and seems as if he is going to stay that way, and I don’t want them to get attached to someone who isn’t going to stick around.
I’m sure about this guy, but I don’t know how much of a part he expects to play in their lives or if he even wants to.I can’t exactly ask “Are you going to stick around, or be a father figure?”, and he seems to young to even want that anyway. Does anyone have any advice, because I’m really confusedApril 30, 2011 at 5:42 pm #28205Anonymous
I think you should have a serious talk with him about what he wants from life, from you and the relationship and ultimately how serious he is about you. I definitely agree that if he’s not in it for the long run then he should be meeting your boys; and that’s exactly what you should ask him. Ask him if he’s in it for the long haul and if he wants to eventually settle down and stay with you. If his answer is no, then I’m sorry; but there will be someone out there who wants to settle down with you and your boys. If he says yes, you may also want to ask him how much he knows about little kids/babies and how good he has been with children in the past, so you get a general idea of how much you will need to help him in the start with getting used to the boys. When you introduce them, that will probably be a very nerve-racking experience for all three of them, so try to make it fun for the boys to help them relax and get used to him, and help your boyfriend with being around them if he doesn’t really know what to do/how to react. Even if he says yes to your questions and it seems like he wants to be a father figure, try introducing him to your boys as just a friend of yours at first, as a trial thing to see how it goes with them first. I hope I helped :). Good luck!!April 30, 2011 at 6:34 pm #28206Hill
You need to sit him down and talk to him about it first.
If he want’s to be apart of their lives, and you’re ready, and you think your sons are ready for this, then you need to SLOWLY introduce him. Don’t all of a sudden have him around all the time, you need to make it a gradual process. That way if he DOES decide it’s too much, then it’s not going to effect your boysMay 1, 2011 at 8:57 pm #28210Saydie
Thank you guys for the advice, I talked to him yesterday about how serious he was about us and he was really positive about being a part of the boys lives. So I’ve decided I will introduce them but just as Hill said Its going to be VERY gradual,maybe just a quiet day out in the park, I’m not going to be one of those parents where men are in and out of their children’s lives.
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