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February 5, 2011 at 7:41 am #27926confused66
Hey all, im a 16 year old girl living in Auckland, New Zealand & i just found out im 5weeks pregnant.
Before this experience i said i would never EVER have children & just the thought of a baby growing inside of me used to make my stomache curl! But even with all of that in mind i still have never liked the idea of an abortion.
I have been looking into putting the baby up for adoption but im still very undecided on what to do & need a 3rd persons perspective.
To complicate matters even more im originally from the U.K & am still not a resident here yet so to get an abortion for me would cost around $1400 because they dont have a subsidised medical system for non-citizens. I am currently not allowed to work & am still living with my mum (who im stll to scared to tell).
Ive been with the father for only 2months & already things arent going to well & with all this happening we arent going to last & hes being less than supportive. Hes only thinking about how HE feels about it & how its going to effect him, hes not thinking of me at all. He only wants me to get an abortion. To him adoption isnt even worth considering but the more i think about things & feel & understand more about whats happening in my body right now the more i dont want a termination.
Im just VERY VERY scared & i dont know what to do!!!
Please help!February 5, 2011 at 10:02 pm #27927Elbie
wow.. well i think you’re definitely doing a good thing to be thinking everything through before you make any quick decisions. I think adoption is a very very good choice! So many couples are out there who maybe couldn’t have a child of their own, or can’t have any now, who would be sooo happy to adopt your baby.. And i think it’s very mature of you to be willing to go through with the pregnancy instead of terminating it. In my opinion, adoption would be a much better choice than abortion. Abortions cause so much regret and pain after the fact (ask any of the girls on here who’ve had one) And the baby’s life is so precious…About the father. You yourself said “we aren’t going to last”, so don’t base this decision off of what he wants or feels. This is YOUR decision for what will be best for YOU and your little baby. He’s not the one who will have to live with the consequences of the choice that is made. In the end, it’s going to be you who has to look in the mirror and live with what you decide to do. Not him.
I think you should go with what you feel in your heart is right. It sounds like you already are thinking that you don’t want a termination. If you’re already have doubts about it and not wanting to do it, don’t do it! You’ll feel so much worse after you have it done.. and i don’t want you to have to go through that and carry the regret around for the rest of your life.
I know it’s scary, but you can do it girl! and anytime you need to talk, you can post on my wall (just be sure to tell me who you are) I’m here for you!
LindseyFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:17 pm #27935Rikashak
hi there, I’m from NZ (napier) as well and I have a 6 month old daughter. I think it is great that you are thinking about adoption, there are so many couples out there who can’t have kids who would love to adopt. keep strong and I hope it all works out for you.February 10, 2011 at 11:13 am #27951Meg11
Wow, you already got two great responses from two very wise girls here, not sure if there if much more to add other than I agree with them, parenting and adoption are reversible, you can choose to place your baby with a family and back out, sure it is hard on the prospective parents but this is YOUR baby, not theirs until the papers are signed, even after baby is places there is still a legal time frame in which you can change your mind, parenting is reversible, you will fall in love with your baby and connect with him/her while in the womb, go through the amazing process of child birth and be excited about being a mommy, then life will hit the fan and you may decide that you want for the baby to have what you are unable or think you are unable to provide, you can then look into adoption, abortion is permanent, you can NEVER get the baby back, you can NEVER know what your baby would look like, once they begin the procedure they HAVE to finish it or you could die…I know a girl who took RU486, she took the first pill and had INSTANT regret, her baby was not even dead yet and she already wanted to change her mind, there was no way she could, she already took the pill, I know another girl who had a surgical abortion, she was on the table, they had just inserted the instruments and began the procedure, she told them to stop but enough damage had been done that her life would have been at more risk for them to stop, she had to lay there with INSTANT regret while they finished taking the life of her child that she no longer regretted being pregnant with….I also know girls who have placed their children with other families and I know girls who have parented at young ages, 14-15 and been successful, all this to say, you have so many options before you but only one is permanent and that is also the option that has the most regrets and risks involved…I know you can do this and if you are considering adoption as a first resort then here is a website that can give you tons of info and advice http://loveschoice.com/ ,I am here for you anytime you need to talk and I hope and pray that you will think long term with a rational mind rather than short term with fear….Love Meg firstname.lastname@example.orgFebruary 10, 2011 at 6:05 pm #27955Anonymous
sweetheart there is no harm in being scared. i am 31 weeks pregnant and scared to death. i am having a little girl
the first time that i had found out, i thought everything was going to go to hell. i wanted kids wayyy into my future…not at 16 and bout to be a senior…
i told the father and at first he cared…but now he is off doing his own thing and does not care about me or his daughter….i knew him for about a year but we wereonly together about a month and a half when i got pregnant…
honey, that baby was given to you for a reason…not to teach you a lesson…but that baby was given to you for s special reason that only our God knows. she is not a mistake.
i used to think that i was the stupidest person in the world when i got pregnant…i thought that i was the stupidest person for bringing a baby into this world at such a young age
but i have so much love and support that it all is working out. it will be a struggle bnut think of the memories and times you will have now that you are going to be a mom…if you still go through with the pregnancy….
what ever makes you happy you should do…just please do not give up on keeping her… i am always here when you need to talk….you can even get my number if you have no support or anyone you can relate to
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