Really need some advice

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  • #22306
    AvatarLorym2007

    Hey I just really need some advice,

    I am 19 years old and have been pregnant 3 times since I was 17 years old. I got pressured into 2 abortions which I guess you could say left me really depressed afterwards. The first time I got pregnant I was young scared and had no one to turn to, and the guy I was with really wasn‘t being a man and stepping up. When I finally told my Mom she just pressured me into getting a abortion. Ever since then I’ve been wanting a baby so badly. The third time I got pregnant I had a miscarriage when I was 6 weeks. It hurt because even though I didn’t get to hear my baby’s heartbeat or feel him or her kick I loved my baby already. This was the first pregnancy my Mom accepted and actually got excited about. I am responsible I am a sophomore in a good college, and a boyfriend that wants to marry me. I have a government job and a apartment. My boyfriend (the one from my most recent pregnancy) has a 2 year old son who I love to death. I try to move on with my life but having a baby is what I really want. My best friend recently gave birth to her first child. I don’t know what to do society doesn’t agree with me having a baby so young. I believe that I am truly ready to have a child. I don’t have any false expectations I know me and my boyfriend may not last forever, and that I might be a single mom. I don’t feel like I am throwing away anything because I don’t like to party I spend my weekends reading a book, watching movies in my apartment, and doing homework. I don’t go out that often I don’t travel, so I feel like a baby wouldn’t mess up or stop me from doing anything because I basically don’t do anything. I just need some advice on if I am wrong for wanting a baby no:blush:

    #22312
    Avatarjessey223

    Maybe you are ready to have a baby and it would not cramp your style because you don’t do much but how about thinking about how it effects the baby. When it comes to kids sure it is better if you have a nice job and you will love them etc etc but in my opinion what is also very important is having a father for that baby. It is one thing to get pregnant on accident and stand up and have the child it is quite another to plan getting pregnant with someone you are not married too. And you yourself said you may not always be with your bf. Kids need a dad and I know first hand how much a child hurts when their biological father/ any father figure is not around. And that is a possibility in your situation. So step back and think about the baby and not yourself, after all thats what being a parent is all about. Best of luck, Jessica

    #22315
    AvatarKylieAUS

    If you want a baby, are in a stable relationship and can care/provide for the baby…why not? Make sure your losses are not influencing your decision though. I know it hurts (i’ve been there) but another baby will not make up for it.

    #22328
    AvatarAnonymous

    You’re not wrong for wanting a baby at all! That is completely normal, especially after an abortion or miscarriage.
    It doesn’t sound like a baby would wreck your weekends or anything, but even though a baby might not wreck YOUR life, what kind of a life would your baby have? No matter how good of a mom you would be, it is hard on children when they don’t have a mom AND a dad that is there everyday.
    If you want to be a mom, and you don’t care if you have a baby while you’re in college, why not get married? Then no one can say that you shouldn’t have kids.;-)
    I really do know what it’s like to desperately want a baby, but please consider what would be best for your children. 🙂

    #22333
    AvatarAnonymous

    just give it some time i wanted kids but not at 16 but i got them anyway

    #22434
    AvatarMzLady22

    well your probably better off waiting until you graduate so you can be better prepared and not have to drop out of school. you might want to get married also. im sure you have no thoughts that ur man would leave if u had a child unmarried but it happens all the time and to girls who never could imagine it. I used to want so bad to have a baby. which is why i got pregnant the first time. i didnt try to prevent it. i was very irresponsible and immature and just thought i would be so happy. but as soon as it happened i panicked and aborted. well since then i have still had those maternal erges like crazy sometimes and i am engaged and have been for 2 years but i finally made the personal decision that i just have to wait. i just have to graduate so i can be sure i can give my child everything it deserves. i am doing very good now i am on birth control and make sure to take it every single night. i dont want to mess up like i did before. i also think about my fiance who wants to go to college and law school (hes in the marines right now) and how hard it would be for him to reach his goals if we had a child young. even if he says hed be happy, id probably feel guilt for the rest of my life if he never got to do those things. you just have to use your head and make a personal decision.

    #22987
    AvatarCh3y_IS_BACK

    Why is it that everyone thinks that just ebcause they are not married yet the father won’t be around…my mum was married to her youngest childrens father for 11years and he hasn’t seen them in two years..on the other hand my friend is 20 with three kids and has been with her bf for 8 coming on 9 years…think about it people….my uncle and aunt have never been married but have been together 23 years and have a son who’s 12…so which one would you prefer?? open your minds things like this aint just black and white…things are different for each situation…you know deep deep down if your truely honest with yourself when its right…be really honest and tru don’t kid yourself if you hae love stability and time..go ahead…if not and you’ll know if you don’t then wait…x

    #23012
    AvatarTooHelp

    You will do well. Stop listening to the pessimistic comments made by those who don’t want you to be happy. Keep smiling, don’t give up.

    #23018
    AvatarAnonymous

    That is kind of true. On the other hand, if you’re together that long you should be married. Also, if you are married, I don’t believe that you can get a divorce. Period. Not for any circumstance. You said your vows. Sure, it’s legal. But in God’s eyes, you two are still man and wife.

    Now as for your situation… maybe you should learn from being pregnant 3 times and getting abortions. It’s not like you magically just say “OH! I don’t want an abortion this time.” You go through periods where you don’t know what to think and it can be confusing, so you may give in. Also, you wanting a baby could just be because of the abortions and previous experienes.

    Good luck, either way. 🙂

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