This topic contains 12 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by stephanie wiley .
- September 9, 2007 at 1:47 pm #18775
I posted my story on here months ago about my abortion, and well I am going to make this short and to the point:
I had an abortion because my boyfriend didn’t want the baby, but I found out I am pregnant again and I decided this time if he didn’t want the baby I would give it up for adoption but I would never abort again, well he is mad and wants me to abort again and tells me I can’t have this baby or give it up for adoption..
should he have a choice? Should I do what I want, even if he doesn’t want the baby? I have tried talking to him and his only choice is abortion… I am confused, and he says I am controlling his life by keeping the baby, and that it will ruin his life as well… Please Help Me.September 11, 2007 at 12:06 am #18777
He is the one trying to control your life. If he knows how much you regret the last abortion you had and are soooo sad about it, then why does he want you to get another one? Hmmm..it seems he is very selfish and only thinking about how he feels about this situation. You are the only absolute person to chose what you want to do since the baby is inside you and not him. If you chose adoption then your baby will be adopted and it doesnt matter if your boyfriend wants you to abort because it is not his choice unless he wanted to take care of the baby himself. So if I were you I would let him know how important it is to you that the baby were to be adopted and if he yells at you and sais your ruining his life, then just walk out and leave him. He doesnt deserve you. He acts like it only takes one person to get pregnant and you made yourself pregnant. He is forgetting the fact that he got you pregnant. Sorry for the reply, it is just that your bf makes me mad, lol !!!
-HeatherSeptember 11, 2007 at 12:45 am #18778
hun it’s ur baby, and if he didnt want a baby then he shouldve kept his peck in his pants!..besides if u give ur baby up for adoption there are many types of adoption including open which is where u can keep in touch with the baby….oh ans again as for "the dad" he had his opinion, u didn’t agree with it so sux for him!….please dont abort if u have already told ur self u wouldn’t!….September 11, 2007 at 10:49 am #18779
I would say its YOUR choice as you as the mother know what to do and if he doesn’t want to be a part of that then thats his loss, he will regret it hopefully. Don’t let him control you. He has to take responsibility now too coz he made that baby as well.September 11, 2007 at 12:16 pm #18780
If you were my daughter, I’d deck that boyfriend of yours. What the hell’s he talking about? You controlling his life? It always takes two to tango.
I’m actually surprised you haven’t left him. I know you think you love him but with all due respect, I don’t think he deserves you. You may have your shortcomings but look, exactly what did he do after you had your abortion? Did he tell you it was okay even if you felt bad? That was a lie. Here’s another indicator: Did he have sex with you soon after the abortion even if it still hurt physically or in your heart?
What I’m getting at is this: if he really cares about you or even loves you, he should care enough not to have gotten you pregnant both times. Sex is fun (we all know that) but it’s more than that. If he thinks that’s all it supposed to be, then he isn’t worth it.
Even if you give up your baby to adoption, though I hope you don’t, I still suggest you seriously think about leaving him. He hasn’t shown much respect and care for you especially in your time of need and honestly, if a guy can’t be your source of strength and love at times like these, it’s really time to move on.
Take care, honey, and make the right choice. Keep the baby and, if possible, please really keep the baby with you. Read all the posts on this site and you’ll notice one common refrain from the girls: keeping their babies was the best decision girls here ever made and losing them because of a guy never ends up worth it.
ErickSeptember 13, 2007 at 10:19 pm #18787
It is completely up to you. He is welcome to voice his opinion but in the end you will have to live with the emotional consequences. This doesn’t sound like the most healthy relationship. Everyone responds to the shock of an unwanted pregnancy differently but the bottom line is that if he claims to love you and you guys are having sex he has to accept the consequences of those actions.September 15, 2007 at 2:33 am #18794
I have to say, I agree with the others. The truth is, he can walk away at any time, he can move on and not feel a thing, and he can do whatever he wants with no ill effects. You, however, can not. DO NOT let the haste of others determine YOUR fate. Forever is a really really long time to live with regrets, decide whats best for YOU. Follow YOUR heart. Deep down you know what is best for you, only you can decide that. By no means am I saying this will be an easy choice or road for you to take, but, it seems as though having another abortion will destroy you, and one thing I CAN promise you is that there will not be one day in your life you will ever regret having your baby, NOT ONE SINGLE ONE. That i promise you!
You can do this, whith or with out him, and sorry to say, but if he choses not to be around, tough shit on him… in the end, you and your baby will be happy, and he is the one that will lose. Do not rely on him for YOUR happiness, only you can make happiness for yourself.
Believe me, I know its hard, Im pregnant and the father has dipped out, it was really hard at first, especially cuz he promised to never leave no matter what, and that he would be here, and blah blah blah, but honestly, I am so much happier. Sure, I get pissed even thinking of him, but really though I am much happier. He never pressured me at all to abort, but He did not want a baby, but the truth is, we had unprotected sex, and he and I are both old enough to know what the results of that are. I know he wanted me to have an abortion, and I even made an appointment, but chickened out, (THANKFULLY), because I realized I was so upset and constantly crying knowing that I had… now that I have made a decision to have the babym I am happy as can be.
My point is, he might come around, he might not, no one knows, probably not even him. The best thing you can do is follow your heart and do whats best for YOU. Cuz, remember, like I said earlier, forever is a really long time. YOu will get through this, and in the end, you will be happy, you wil have a beautiful baby, and a lot to offer that baby…… the most imp thing being love from his/her mother….. my thoughts r with you.September 15, 2007 at 6:44 am #18795
ok well basically, you see that he doesnt want a baby anytime soon so yall need to use protection or dont let him have sex with you .. by him sayin, YOU’RE CONTROLLIN HIS LIFE BY KEEPIN THE BABY is selfish .. i believe you should keep the baby if you want .. if not then give it up for adoption .. dont abort .. BUT DO WHAT YOU WANT !! he’s just being a selfish, scared little boy .. YOU DECIDE, NOT HIM !!September 21, 2007 at 8:17 pm #18849
listen sweeite have the baby dont listen to him he shouldnt have gotten u pregnant twice if he didnt want to be a father ur the one going thru everything so u decide what u want 4get him i dont think u will be able 2 do the adoption thing either cuz u will fall in love with dat baby the whole way thru ur pregnancy and the moment u give birth u fall in love with ur child b4 birth but fall in more love the second he or she comes out of u that the beauty and power of motherhood if he dosent want 2 be around o well ur not da 1st tenn mom and ur not da 1st single mom either if the rest of us can do it then so can uOctober 3, 2007 at 11:03 pm #18929
I’m sorry but I don’t like the sound of your bf one bit. Yes I don’t know him so I’m only judging my a short story you have told but he doesn’t sound very nice.
I assume he says he loves you, well if he truly does he would support you no matter what you decided.
I know its hard on both of you but remember this is your baby too not just his. This baby is growing inside of you not him. I think if you want to give this baby up for adoption then go ahead and do it. Personally I’m not for abortions so I think when ever its possible the baby should be born.
I think that you need to get out of this relationship. Really think hard about it. He is trying to control you, yes it might be hard on him but has he thought about how you feel for a second?
He got you pregnant once and I’m sure he has heard of condoms but he still went ahead and did it again. When will he learn from his mistakes? I know mistakes happen and it wasn’t meant to be but I would assume if he doesn’t want children so badly he would do something about that?
You are a beautiful young girl with a whole life ahead of you. Don’t let yourself be pushed around because you might regret it in the future.
I’m sorry if I come off a bit harsh but I just find it so sad when I hear of girls staying in relationships where they are never truly happy and maybe you are but from the sounds of it you aren’t.
I hope you make the decision that you feel is best what ever that might be.
xxAlexaOctober 5, 2007 at 5:44 am #18943
Has the boy actually thought about anyone else but him?
The pain he causes you, and the fact that there’s a little human being growing inside of you?
Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship, he seems a bit selfish. I’m sorry if I’m wrong, I know I don’t know him, but if he loved you he wouldn’t say those things.October 5, 2007 at 7:19 pm #18949
No your bf does not get a choice. It’s your body and your baby. If you let him keep talking you into this kind of stuff you will end up HATING him eventually. Do what you think is right. When I first found out I was pregnant my bf was devistated but as my pregnancy progressed he got really excited and now that she’s here he loves her so much! So he may actually come around he’s probably just scared! Good Luck!October 6, 2007 at 7:37 am #18951
I can tell you this. Your boyfriend just wants the easy way out naturally. However for you abortion is NOT an easy way out. It is your body and consience that will have to deal with an abortion not his. I pray you will make the correct for yourself and your baby. :0)
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