This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Lisa Musil .
- May 4, 2009 at 2:35 am #25014
I got pregnant in November last year and planned to keep it but I miscarried at about 9 weeks- it was a very long, drawn out and traumatic experience that I’m still not fully over.
I’m turning 21 and I’m coming up 5 weeks pregnant, again (accidental). But things are different this time. I’m unemployed and despite my best efforts, can’t find anything because of the recession. I’ve tried so many places and.. nothing. My fiancé only works a few hours and his work won’t increase them, so we have no money, no place.
My fiancé said there’s no way we can make it work and that we’d have an absolutely horrible quality of life if we kept the baby, that we’d probably end up arguing over the money issues etc and that we’d just be thoroughly miserable. He said we were being naive before but now he thinks about it, it’s a bad idea to have a child now.
But when he suggested abortion, I completely broke down and became hysterical. This is just at the IDEA of it. Am I supposed to just ignore that?
I went to the doctor and explained the situation and he was all like “well yeah that sounds sensible, abort it and wait a while til you have jobs and some money etc”. Talking about it so casually like it’s just cancelling a holiday or something. Not ending a life.
I just don’t know what the heck to do, I’ve found myself booked for an appointment with BPAS on May 11th where I’ll be scanned and discuss everything, and probably abort it within a week or so after that. Everyone says it’s the right thing to do, that I don’t have a choice, that I’ll ruin my life if I have this baby. I just don’t know anymore, I’m such a mess and I don’t know what to think. So I need help, any advice, anything.. I just need someone outside my situation to tell me what they think, tell me what to do, because I can’t deal with this..May 4, 2009 at 4:23 am #25015
Hey there, this is huge and I am so sorry for the people around you that are pressuring you when they should be supporting you, I know you want to keep this baby and not only do I think you should but I know that you know you should as well, so what things are hard right now, we have 4 kids and we are making it, we do not have any state assistance right now but we may end up looking for some, we have changed our budget and we are eating more basic foods and more of the same meals that cost less, it is not the luxuries of fine foods or brand new clothes that bring us happiness in life, it is those who love us no matter how we are dressed and it is the family around the dinner table who holds hands to pray that makes the food taste good, if your boyfriend refuses to be a part of this childs life then it is his loss and shame shame shame on your doctor for telling you to abort, I don’t know who else around you is telling you as well but I will be the first to Stand Up WITH you and tell you NO, this is your child, your flesh and blood, not a can of soup at the store that you have to put back because you went over your budget, not a holiday that can be canceled, and definitely not a mass of tissue by any means, this is a human life, protected and safely snuggled in the deepest lowest part of your body, he/she needs you right now more than you could ever know to Stand Up and be the wonderful mommy that I know you will be, there is no greater joy than to hold your brand new baby in your arms for the first time, you know the pain of losing a child already and I am so sorry for your loss, don’t be the one responsible for the loss of your second child, DO NOT go to the appointment, I would find a new doctor and make a prenatal appointment instead, if you are in the US I can hook you up with a pregnancy resource center, if not I will do ANYTHING I can to be a help to you, please know that I know your fear and that you are not alone, you can be a great mom and you can survive the economy even with a baby, please just do not go through with this even if you have to go it alone, your child is SOOOO worth it!! Please write me and let me know what you are going to do either way and if you need me for anything…Love MegMay 4, 2009 at 10:31 am #25018
hey there hun, i am sooo sorrry to hear this and i cant even begin to imagine how u feel….i dont know how you would feel about this but i would just like to open your mind to an unexplored option… have u given ADOPTION a thought? i think you should really consider that because it seems to be the best outcome option, this way you can give ur baby life and not have to deal with the terrible lifelong effects of abotion and you will have the peace of mind knowing the baby will be well taken care of in a financially stable home, and with open adoptions now a days you can choose to remain in contact with the family and always be a part of your childs life…. i wish u well and hope you find a solution
xoxoxMay 4, 2009 at 11:00 am #25019
i know i mean..i see how your situation looks. but hun so really…it is on YOU to decide what you will make… a bit of my story…i had the abortion when iwas 16…i regret it every day…i got pregnant (not planned) again in september 08… i was in school,no real work and single…but you know what? within months everything started settling down, i made my money so i could take care of them, i was doing the school…well sadly i didnt got the chanche to give them all the stuff & love cause they passed away,but i know i would do it great.
its in you,i KNOW that if you decide to keep it, you will turn out just fine.there may be some dark moments,but in the end..mommy always has a plan.May 4, 2009 at 6:29 pm #25023
hey, i read your story. i have no idea what you are going through, because i have never been in your situation. but one thing that i will say is that its your baby, you have the right to stand up to your boyfriend and fight for the life of your unborn child. DONT let someone else make that desicion for you. you are the only one that will have to live with the consequenses for the rest of your life. there are other options to look at when you are having a child that you cant fully provide for. you can look at the option of adoption, even an open adoption, so that way the family that you give your child to will let you visit and spend time with your child. please think about what you are going to do throughlly. you dont have to have an abortion to make things better, because the fact of the matter is, it will never be better and your life will never be back to normal. you will always be thinking about your baby, what he/she would look like, every year on their birthday you will think of them. please consider everything people are telling you. get back to me and let me know what you are going to do. i will be praying for you constantly.! take care =]
xoxo tiffMay 5, 2009 at 9:52 pm #25030
Heyyyyyyyyyy. I’m Lisa and I wanted so badly to get back to you about these things you are going through. Ohh I so totally understand the pressure and the fear you have. You see, I chose abortion at 19 and can I tell you that there is NOT a day that goes by that I don’t think about my lost baby.
I know it totally seems hopeless, but please know that you have so many people around you here and around you where you are at at home that would love to help you. I even have a website and a toll free number I will give you at the end of my e-mail so you can call someone to get yourself some help. Weather it be financial help, emotional support or just someone to even talk to. Maybe a place to live? Maybe a good OB doctor who can give you some GOOD advice and not a cold doctor who just goes with the general flow.
You know what I usually say? Being a Stand Up Girl is not always easy – but it’s always worth it!
You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called “Abortion” and the other “Life”. I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say “Please don’t take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please … the road of abortion will be the very same for you, so please take that road of life. Grief with guilt is unshakeable! So please, tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It’s too late for me and my babies. But it’s not for you and yours.”
OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?”
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my babies diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little gumless smile and to touch my babies face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear “Mommy”, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb – and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say – please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying “Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tatt! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is a painful, private and subject of shame. Especially those of us that have done it.
Please let me know what you decide.
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