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June 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm #28623ohwhitn3y
I’ll try to make this long, complicated story short. Im a 27 yr old woman. Single. With a 6yr old girl. I met a guy two years ago who I absolutely fell in love with. We were together for awhile, but after a heated argument one night we decided maybe we shouldnt be together. We only went a couple days without speaking, and fell right back into the same routine as if we were together. We just didnt have the “title” of a couple. After over a year and him telling me he still didnt know if he wanted to be with me, I decided enough was enough. I wasnt going to let him string me along anymore while he dated other girls and lived the single life while he got “girlfriend” perks from me. So I met another guy and started dating him. Me and this new guy slept together twice. One night my ex showed up at my apt in the middle of the night. He was crying and telling me he loved me and needed me and realized he couldnt be without me. I ended things with the new guy that i barely new to give me and the ex a chance to work things out.
Things were going great for a couple weeks. We talked about getting a place together and having a family one day in the future when we got our lives in the right place. And then the unthinkable happens. Those things you think ONLY happen to ppl on tv, not you. I was having weird symptoms that I felt indicated pregnancy. I took three home tests that all said positive. I met with a dr and had a blood test, POSITIVE. I managed to find out very early. They think I’m only 3 weeks.
The scary part??? I slept with the new guy and the ex in the same week. The same week that I conceived. So you know what that means, I have two possible fathers. What a terrible situation that I wouldnt wish on anyone. The guy I was only dating a short while told me I need to get rid of it because he can’t stand me and the thought of having a baby with me makes him sick. The ex who I have just recently gotten back together with flipped his lid and told me that me and him were over. Both guys basically said that once I have the baby we will get a DNA test and whoever is the father will step up and take care of his kid. The new guy pretty much told me not to contact him unless i decide to keep the baby. My boyfriend, well I guess my ex (once again), has said that he will “be there” if i need to talk but really wants nothing to do with me other then that. I’m a hairstylist who is also attending college full-time to get a degree in business. I have a 6 yr old daughter already.
I am terrified and feel so alone and scared. I had convinced myself abortion was the only good option. For everyone involved. But I honestly dont know if I can even go through with it. I am terrified that I will have to go through a pregnancy by myself. And once the baby is born, I’ll have to wait to have a dna test. And even then I’ll still be doing it alone. What an embarrassment to have to tell my parents and the rest of my family that I’m a single mom having another baby and dont even know who the father is. I really dont have a question for anyone, I just needed to get this off my chest. Im hoping for words of encouragement. Or maybe to hear from girls in similar situations.June 24, 2012 at 1:28 am #28627teka33
First im so glad you chose SUG as a refuge in hard time, and to seek encouragement! I believe getting that abortion will crush you more than being a single parent of two! There are places that can help you with clothes, you can get of food stamps, there is WIC. Your ex sure has a ‘right’ i guess to be mad. But technically you werent together with him,so you didnt cheat on him. Honestly , if he loves you like he says he does , he should appreciate that you took him back AGAIN… If it were me I would find a caring pregnancy resource center around there. Go in there, see what your baby looks like at your stage of pregnancy. Listen to the heartbeat. You CAN make it on your own. you CAN be a successful person! If both of the men dont want to be apart of your life because of a awesome gift of a baby. Then they dont deserve you at all… 🙂 If you want to find a resource center near you visit this web site optionline.org or you can get help 24/7 by calling 1800-712-HELP 🙂 PLEASE, send in a DearBecky letter so you can keep in contact with one of our StandUpGirls! Its important for you to have positive encouragement right now, instead of negative. Take one day at a time! 🙂 You can be a StandUpGirl! 🙂
Plus, your 6 year old will be an awesome sister I bet 🙂
Please let me know how things go! 🙂 I pray you keep that life you are growing and tell those guys you are worth more than that, and they cant keep playing with your heart! here is my email.
Love TekaJune 24, 2012 at 3:12 am #28628ohwhitn3y
Thank you deeply for the words of encouragement. I am at a lost. I am so confused and scared and lonely. Everything is so new that I can only share this information with a few people. And two of the people I told (the two possible fathers) really want nothing to do with me until the baby comes. So I feel like now I have no one to talk to. I am terrified of the embarrassment I am going to feel having to tell my family my situation. My parents, who are both strict christians, are going to be so ashamed of me. I feel like I am an embarrassment to them. I dont blame my ex for being upset. But he knew I had dated the other guy. So its not like this is all news to him. I am also so angry at myself because I am almost 30 years old!! I know better then to sleep around without protection!! I feel like such a hypocrite for ever saying a negative word about a girl who was in my position. I live on my own right now and support myself with my hairstylist job, a part-time job, and money I get from school. I do recieve housing assistance and foodstamps. Thankfully. I will deinfitely be signing up for WIC to get formula and stuff. I am just worried about being able to support myelf when the baby gets here. Since I will have no one to help me with the baby, how will I finish school and still work? I consider myself an incredibly strong person. I know Jesus has everything under control. I am just so scared and alone. What an awful feeling :/June 25, 2012 at 4:51 am #28631teka33
I completely understand. My parents are very strong Christians. When i got pregnant in high school i was terrified to tell them, however after i did they still offered their full support. With you being your own adult, with a career house and a 6 year old girl. I think they will be more understanding than mine. 🙂 Youre a grown woman and they know you are capable of being responsible for life! 🙂 Im sure they will help out with the baby once he/she is born 🙂 . Dont stress the little stuff now and I would stop worrying about the ‘dads’ they will either come around or not. Its their loss and your gain. You gain a beautiful life! 🙂
We are here the entire time for you 🙂
TekaJune 25, 2012 at 12:52 pm #28633Meg11
Hey there, Your story hits close to home with me….I WAS a single parent to two kids….It was challenging but I made it…so did the kids….My daughter was 2 1/2 when my son was born, She helped me in little ways…She would grab me diapers and wipes and throw things away, help put clothes in the basket etc…Your daughter is 6, WOW, She can be an even bigger helper to you!! Kids LOVE to help, it makes them feel important, it gives them a sense of accomplishment and it sure does take the edge off for us Mommies….Teka gave you great advice about contacting Optionline, your local Pregnancy Resource Center should have a program where you and your daughter can watch videos and fill in work sheets and earn “baby bucks” then you can shop in their little store for new and gently used items, maternity clothes, baby clothes, furniture, diapers etc…..When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I was actively attending church services….I was totally ashamed, I think I judged myself more than anyone else did….I remember one day a lady came up to me and she was like “CONGRATULATIONS, When did you get married?” I looked around because clearly she wasn’t talking to me….Yep, she was…I looked at her and was like, “ummm, I didn’t”, then she turned red and all embarrassed and she was like, “Oh I am SOOO sorry, I thought you were pregnant” Then I said, “I am”….I don’t know who was more embarrassed, her or me….I got over it and I don’t even remember who she was….I sat in the second row from the front, the second chair over for a few years, just me and my kids, I made the choice early in my second pregnancy to NOT have sex again until my wedding night….I made it, I met and married a wonderful man who had NO problem stepping up to the plate to be a father to my kids….Our first time was our wedding night….I thought I would never be able to say that, especially with my past….and trust me, when it comes to shame, I know it all too well….Just because I didn’t end up pregnant in those particular seasons doesn’t mean that I never risked pregnancy from more than one or two guys in the same time frame….I have so much regret over that past lifestyle and it has carried many consequences into my current life but with the Lord, I have made the best of it all….I am not that person anymore, I am in a committed, monogamous marriage, I have been made new…You can too, no matter who the dad is, whether your kids have the same dad or not, NONE of those things matter….YOU are their MOMMY, there is NO doubt about that and your Heavenly Father is waiting for you to turn back to Him and recommit to living His way…I did…you can too and I KNOW that there are not regrets on that road….PLEASE know that I am here for you…I truly understand how you feel and I PROMISE you that with God, all things are possible…You can make it through and have Joy unspeakable….Make that decision to say NO MORE SEX….Make the next man to enter your life, or maybe one who returns to walk this path with you, prove himself with love and respect…Tell him NO until your wedding night….Email me anytime, keep me up to date on your pregnancy and how things go with your parents…If they are REAL Christians, yes, they will be disappointed but they will look beyond all this with forgiveness and support you in making the right decision to continue in your pregnancy….It is not our mess ups that define us, but what we do when we realize we dropped the ball….Much Love….Meg firstname.lastname@example.org
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