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October 26, 2006 at 4:00 pm #12565Anonymous
I am soon to be 18 and I have been up all night tossin and turning. I have been thinking about something that happened over 2 and a half years ago. Too this day I still wish I had done things different. I thought sharing my story would give me some peace tonight, or unleast until my next break down.
>I wrote the follow 2 years ago….
My name is Brittany, and I am 15 years old….10 months ago I got pregnant with my boyfriend of 6 months (offically but we were really together for about 2 1/2 years). I had recently given him my virginity and It was our 3rd time.However, during intercourse the condom broke. Well The first thing I did was calmed my boyfriend down because he was getting all nervous and I knew that if he was all nervous it would make me nervous. So I took out my calendar with my period schedeule in it and looked it over. I convinced him that it was alright, even tho I myself knew it was cutting it close. Well he told his mom (she’s a nurse) and talk to her about it and she believe I wasn’t pregnant. She was the only person who knew other than my bestfriend and my boyfriend! So we watrched for my period….and It didn’t come on time…a week and a half later it still wasn’t there. So one day before Tennis practice i had my bus drop me off across the street from the center of town and i went into CVS. All I knew was that I have to know….I couldn’t keep wondering! So I look around and found the pregnancy test…I look threw them and then I finally picked out one that u pee on. I also picked up a notebook to disguse what I had in my hand and headed to the register, well on the way to the register I ran into someone I knew! It was one of my friends boyfriends who worked there.I hid what was in my hand and kept the conversation quick. I went up to the regiseter, put down the pregnacy test and notebook and waited for my total, like it was no big deal! I paid and then I was off to practice. I hid it in my duffel bag and when I got home frome practice I avoided it for as long as possible! Well it came down to about 7:30 and i knew I had to do it so I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and I read the directions. I took the test and It said you had to wait 5 minutes to see if there was 1 line = not pregnant and 2 lines = pregnant. Well I look at it about 3 minutes in and there are 2 distinktive purple lines…and right in that moment I knew nothing would be the same! Well the first thing I did was hid the test in my room and called my boyfriend. He didn’t want to believe it. He said I probably took the test wrong, so he made plans for me to come over that weekend and for me him and his sister to go to Brookes and buy another pregnacy test so I could take it with him there! Well this time we got one of those digital readouts and we bought the 2 pack. well we went back to his house, went up to his room, and I went in the bathroom and took the test! i brought it out to him and we waited for the results and then we looked at it together and…. It too said I was pregnant. All he could do was hold me and thats what he did. He didn’t say anything to me for about an hour, we just held each other. But then he look me straight in the eye and asked me what I was going to do..I don’t remember what I said but I knew I loved him. I wanted to keep it and I knew he wasn’t ready. He told me how he felt, how it wouldn’t be fair. It wouldn’t just effect us but it would effect our families and our friends and our child too. I lisened to him and thought about it and then i agreed to an abortion. We told his mother and she was gonna have his sister take me during school one day! My Dad wasn’t to know, and to this day he still doesn’t but we were gonna drive to connecticut because it isn’t leagal in massachusetts without parental consent. We decided it was best because it was still early, i was only a month along, we would do it soon. Well the day before my boyfriends 16th Birthday I had a miscarrage. It was probably from all the stress and from all the physical activities I was doing. Well I told my boyfriend and I don’t remember how he reacted, all I remember was wanting my baby back. Well at that point I was scared at how his family would look at me, knowing that i had gotten into that mess with thier son, and i was scared to see how the relationship would be! So I broke up with my boyfriend and i hurt him real bad, I got a new boyfriend a week later because I need someone, and so to get back at me my ex got a girlfriend himself. My relationship only lasted 2 weeks then i decided i want my boyfriend back but he was still with his girl cause he is not a jerk like that. He couldn’t dump her, he couldn’t be that mean, plus he was having as much sex as he wanted. Well they are still together to this very day! She wont let me talk to him! We haven’t spoken in awhile. Well my due date was a couple weeks ago and It was a real hard day. I tired calling him but thier was no answer. So a couple days later he call and ask me why i called and i told him just to talk. Well i told him what the day was and he didn’t kno what to say so we got off the phone. Me getting pregnant ruined the best thing in my life! I lost the love of my life and thier isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t regret getting pregnant and breaking up with him! I would do anything to have him back! I miss him alot and it would be sooo much easier to handle the fact i was pregnant if he was with me but i know he’s not and it really hurts but i hope he is happy and that he never forgets that we almost had a child together!!
> Well an update on my ex…he broke up with that girl after a year and a half of going out for another girl. Him and his new girl were together for only a few months before yes she too got pregnant. they now have a 3 month old little boy. He is adorable and I am happy for him…we still talk on and off, but nothing will ever be like it was. I still miss him, he was my first love and I will always remember him. I love him now and forever.
>Here is also a Poem that I wrote about my experience. Hope you learn from it.
"Pregnant At 15"
I look back and remember
that day the condom broke.
My stomach gets all uneasy
it was like some sick joke.
I pulled out my calendar,
just to check and see.
I had to calm him down,
before I could focus on me.
i counted over and over again
but all i could do was pray.
but deep down inside i knew
a little one was on its way
a month came and went by
And surly enough I was late
I was off to CVS
I can’t foget that day
I remember getting home
and holding that EPT
One line was not pregnant
and two equaled me.
The very next thing i did
was called him up to say
he was gonna be a dad
a little one was on its way
He didn’t want to believe it was true
so i took another test
i held it up to him
and you would’ve never guessed
It said i was pregnant
Pregnant at 15
It was only our 3 time tho
How could this happen to me
It was 17 days after my birthday
On March, Friday the 13th, 2004
thats the day the condom broke
thats the day that changed my world!
After that, we sat down talked
And i have never felt more loved
but then the conversation went sour
and push came to shove
We started talking about what to do
and who we were going to tell
he asked for an abortion
and thats when my world just fell
I knew i could keep it
he wasn’t gonna force anything on me
but i also knew he wanted a future
not a baby at 16
so i agreed to an abortion
knowing it was best for us
He’s sister was going to take me
i needed someone i could trust
Well it never came down to that day
It never went past 6 weeks
I lost my baby on the 10th
and i gave up my boyfriend on the 15th
The miscarriage did a toll on me
and i made a few mistakes
but i hope he understands how i felt
and why i took that break
I couldn’t believe i was pregnant
and i was embarassed at what they’d think
our relationship came to an end
sex complicated things
i often think about him
and i wonder why i left
i ask myself if he still love me
but this is probably best
Cause he seems quite happy now
with his girlfriend of 6 months
i wish them all the best
but please don’t forget what we had once
We were each others first
and i really did love him
we almost had a baby together
and "I Do" could have been
if i could wish for anything
it be to kiss him once more
and for him not to forget our baby
that was due December 6th 2004October 28, 2006 at 6:42 am #12609mommytoele
Hi. I got pregnant at 15. I have my child, but your story is very sad. Your poem is great, although sad. You’re a great typist, and a great writer. How are you doing today? My birthday is March 11th…
NickiOctober 28, 2006 at 4:44 pm #12624kez_mummy_2_skye
What a hard thing to go through!
I’m glad you guys still an talk which is a good thing. That poem is soo sweet!October 28, 2006 at 4:53 pm #12629angel_gal84
thats really sad.
Mine is about the same but i was 22 not 15.
Ive been with my bf for 2 1/2 years and he told me to have an abortion straight away coz we cant afford to keep it.
having my abortion was the worst thing in the world and wish noboby would have to through it. It should be illegal all over the world.
Its been 2 weeks and 2 days since i had my abortion i went about a week without having a breakdown then i had one last night i was 8 weeks along when i had my abortion.
i wish you all the best luck in the world and that will be a time in the world to settle down and start a family.
if you really need to talk e mail me and ill be able to help coz i know whats it like.
peace xxxNovember 16, 2006 at 7:30 pm #13186holy_foxtrot
aw hun i miscarried at 7 weeks.
i think it was from not eating/vomiting/stress and just thinking about where my life was heading!!
it was so terribly hard.
my due date is supposed to be on the 20th November 2006.
4 days away for me.
im feeling very depressed atm.
im here if you need to talk also. 🙂
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