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December 8, 2006 at 4:29 am #13769MyZombieHeart
I had an abortion on the 17th of november. It was the single hardest decision I have yet to make in my life (I’m only 18, i’m sure stuff gets way harder from there…) I felt very pressured into it by my boyfriend. I feel like he never really cared enough about anything we did to realize that we could have kids, we could really mess our lives up…..or make them so much worthwhile.
I remember handing him my test and telling him we needed to talk (because he wasn’t speaking to me at the time) and I think that’s where it all began. I felt alone stuggling with the decision of wether I should be strong for myself and the choice that I made and tell him i was sticking to my views and we were having a baby, or should I just cave in and do this for him…or us. I felt alone…well, not really alone.
I remember sitting in the clinic…again, feeling alone, and him asking if he could be at band practice by 345. I can barely keep myself in the clinic, and he wants me to be out as soon as possible!!! Needless to say, i felt like the smallest thing in the world right then. Like music and fangirls and working hard to get signed were his 1 2 and 3 priorities. I was just a minor little problem…like the peanut in my belly.
It hasn’t gotten easier since then, in fact, I’ve gotten alot worse. I don’t feel like I can talk to him. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I feel so alone right now.
I remember being a depressed little 14 year old, and NEVER EVER EVER feeling this alone. This hurt and used and abused by someone.
I figured he would be a little boy, since my grandfather had just passed. Samuel James Olsen….My little angel.
The two men who hurt me the most in my life, but loved me no matter what. My boyfriend and my father.
and now I feel like no one’s here.December 8, 2006 at 8:16 am #13776dillon12
as long as you are on this site you will never been alone, there are so many wonderful young woman on here that are willing to be here for you and take the time out to talk and listen to you.
i had an abortion on the the 31st of may this year, i was 18 turning 19 in august, my partner was 25 at the time.we have been together for 4 years. we worked through it together and even though it was the hardest decision to make we made it together and i still felt alone even though he supported me in every way. i felt depressed for a little bit after but i know its going to sound bad but i know that i did the right thing for me i know that im not in the right position to bring up a baby i am only a child myself. i wish i was stronger and was able to say yes to my childs life but i wasnt. this will be the hardest thing that you have ever done, but i promise you that you will get through this its hard and it takes time but you will come out the other side and we are all here to help you do it. if you ever want to talk email me im happy to be here for you. gud luck you will get through this.December 8, 2006 at 5:43 pm #13782missyboo1987
Im sorry to here about what happened. I know how it is to feel alone. I too was pregnant at a time and I told My boyfriend.I said to him were having a baby and went to give him a hug and he pushed me away . He told me to get an abortion and I was so devistated by his reaction. It really has scared are relationship and we may never get t right again. I had a misscariage with that one. I am pregant again and was told the same thing but not only by him by my father, my sister and basically every one else.I heard my sister say something that really hurt me she said that my boyfriend was forced into keeping the baby. nobody told him to have sex with me he did it willing. It really hurt to hear my sister think about the situation like she did . it made me feel like I was ruining his life which I had already felt. I really still feel very alone. It also seems like that was the only time my father really was worried about me and he wasnt worried about my feelings it was all about if I was ruining my life or not. Times are hard but dont give up.There wil be a right time for every thing and maybe both you and your future husband will be blessed an it wil be a happy ocasion.I know from my experience I will never take chances with a boy who is not my husband because time after time I have seen boys run away whe you need them the most( in a situation like this) Im not saying every one is like this but I hope you will see this as a experience you must learn from. Im hope I havent said any thing to hurt your feelings and I hope the best for youDecember 13, 2006 at 1:05 pm #13888Anonymous
im sorry about your story, you are never alone here, afte ri found this place its helped so much. in a weird way though, its nice to hear everyones excitement about their babies, since i cant feel the excitement myself, it just prepares me for when i am pregnant again, when i will be able to keep my baby. the post-abortion depression has got me addicted to finding out how far along i WOuld have been, it also tears me apart at night becaus ei feel like im the only one still thinking about it… i really want to go back three weeks ago and change my descision, but i cant, all i can do is move forward, and plan for my next chance to be a mommy.December 15, 2006 at 2:27 pm #13973Anonymous
your post has helped me figure the words i had been trying to say, what you said made so much sense and the way you said it really has helped me.December 15, 2006 at 8:54 pm #13979angel_gal84
i agree with everyone,
having an abotion is the most hardest thing i had my abortion 12/10/2006
i did get pushed into having my abortion by my boyfriend. My family and friends all wanted me to keep it but he didny coz we are not set up enough to raise a kid just yet.
If you just open up to all the girls on this website they will help you. Everyone tries there hardest to brighten up any dull suitation,
if you ever need to talk to someone that has been through the same suitation as you please contact me and i might be able to help.
lisaxxxxDecember 17, 2006 at 10:43 am #14000Anonymous
i know how it feels to truelly be alone. After my abortion i didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially my mom. When everything was all said and done i didn’t have anything to say to her. Yeah i cry and just when i think im actually gonna be okay im overwelled again by sorrow. My mom wonders why i haven’t apologized…… The only thing im sorry for is for her making me get an abortion and for this pain that i have 2 go through
sgurlDecember 26, 2006 at 2:53 pm #14156mrs_meliss
I don’t blame you-after someone treats you that way and acts like it was nothing-i have been through that and know the relationship is gone now or will be. it happened to me. not right away but it fell apart. i realized i deserved better and that one day i would meet the man who really truly loved me and i did-7 years later, but it happened. i know how you feel, you may not want to talk about it ever, and then one day you will. and you will fight to heal from it.
after what you went though you can bet you wont let any other guy push you around or bully you into anything again. and you will be ok and you can help others one day when you are ready. dont be afraid or too ashamed to do so. take your time with God, cry, get mad, let it all out. scream if you have to, but let ourself express it and heal. dont bottle it up.
i am praying for you and know somehow this experience has changed your life and now you can make the chnages you need to and move on. dont deal with peple in your life who dont love you love you and bring you down, surround yourself with supportive people.
talk to a professional or support line if you have to. we all are here for you even though you feel alone.your not. email me anytime you need to talk.
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