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January 1, 2008 at 7:34 am #20059COOKYMUNSTER147
I AM 19 YEARS OLD AND I AM I THINK 8 OR 9 WEEKS PREG. MY SITUATION IS THAT I WANT THIS BABY MORE THAN ANYTHING I REALLY DO BUT I HAVE RECENTLY LOST MY HOME AND MY JOB! I HAVE NO MONEY NO CAR I AM NOT IN COLLEGE EVEN THO I WANT TO BE IO HAVE NO FAMILY HERE IN VA WITH ME AND I GOT MY GRANDMA TO SAY THAT I CAN LIVE IN HER RV IN FL BUT IF I DO THAT THEN THE BABYS FATHER CANT SEE ME BECAUSE HE IS BLACK AND I AM WHITE!!! I LOVE THE BABYS FATHER MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF BUT THAT SITUATION MAKES THIS EVEN MORE DIFFUCULT BECAUSE HE RECENTLY LOST HIS JOB TOO AND HIS HOME!! (WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER AS FRIENDS OF 5 OR 6 YEARS AND STARTED SLEEPING TOGETHER! HE IS IN SCHOOL AND IS ALMOST DONE AND DOESNT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN YET HE SAYS IN THE FUTURE MAYBE WHEN WE HAVE OUR LIVES TOGETHER AND FATE BRINGS US BACK….WHICH IT ALWAYS HAS….BUT I CANT DO THIS ALONE AND MY SITUATION IS HORRIBLE!!! I WANT THE BABY BUT AT THE SAME TIME I AM THINKING ABOUT HOW I GREW UP WITHOUT MY DAD AND A MOM WHO WAS SINGLE AND NEVER THERE FOR ME AND TO THIS DAY STILL ISNT BUT TRYS IN SMALL WAYS TO BE THERE….AND I HATED MY LIFE!@!!!! EVERYTHING ALWAYS GOES BAD FOR ME BECAUSE OF MY DECISIONS AND I THINK AT THE TIME ITS A GOOD DECISION BUT THEN AS TIME GOES BY AND THINGS GET EVEN WORSE THAT IN FACT IT WAS A BAD DECISION!!! MY FAMILY THINKS AN ABORTION IS THE BEST THING FOR CLINT (THE FATHER) THE BABY AND FOR I AND CLINT IS NOW KIND OF AGREEING ON THAT BUT I KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO FEEL AFTERWARDS AND I KNOW THAT IN MY HEART I REALLY DONT WANT AN ABORTION BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT DOES SEEM LIKE ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO BECAUSE I WONT GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION IM SORRY BUT I CANT DO THAT!!! THAT IS MY BABY AND IF I CARRY IT AND GIVE IT LIFE IT WILL STAY WITH ME BUT I DONT THINK IT IS FAIR TO BRING A LIFE INTO MY LIFE WHEN MY LIFE IS NOT GOING WELL AT ALL!!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND EVEYONE I TALK TO IS SET TO ONE OPINION OR THE OTHER AND NO ONE IS NEUTRAL AND ABLE TO HELP BASED ON WHAT IS RIGHT FOR ME AND THE BABY RATHER THAN JUST THEIR OWN OPINION!!! I NEED HELP FROM SOMEONE WHO WONT JUDGE ME OR THE SITUATION BASED ON WHAT THEY BELIEVE BUT WHAT WOULD BE RIGHT FOR ME AND THE CHILD AND FOR CLINT ALSO!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ON MY LIVING SITUATION AND THAT IS THE HARDEST THING CONSIDERING THAT I HAVE NO JOB MONEY OR CAR!!!!! I AM NOT STABLE YET BUT I REALLY WANT TO BE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! PLEASE HELP?????!!!! *MEGAN*January 2, 2008 at 7:41 am #20064alexanders_mama
Before I give you any advice at all, let me tell what the abortion procedure is. No loud words here, just medical lexicon. There are two types of abortion for a baby under twelve weeks: suction aspiration, and dilation and curettage. With suction aspiration, you get a special suction device (a hollow tube with a knife-edged tip) 29 times more powerful than a vacuum cleaner and the baby gets torn into little pieces, which are then vacuumed through the tube into a bottle. D&C is where you get a knife-edged tip and cut the baby into pieces, which are then scraped out through the cervix. I don’t think they are very nice methods to die, and you would probably agree that they aren’t really in the best interests of the baby.
It’s hard being a mother, no doubt, and I can relate to you when you say you want this baby to have a good life, and you want it to grow up differently than the way you did. I get plagued with worries about my son as well. I grew up in less than ideal circumstances, which made me walk away with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I always worry, am I a bad parent? What if I suddenly abuse my son, or give him a bad life? What if I become like my mother? But the thing is, you have your mother’s DNA and she has contributed to the worldview you have now but you are not your mother, and you will not parent like your mother either. I was planned: my parents were married, had jobs and their own home, and it still didn’t stop things happening to me. I know other instances where children were born into less than ideal circumstances: even worse than yours, and they’ve turned out well-adjusted adults who love their parent/s and are happy to be alive. You just never know in this life.
Give this baby a chance. Don’t cut it into pieces, you never know what somebody’s life will turn out to be like. Just do the best you can. This is not your decision really. It’s God’s. If you’re not religious then call it fate. What seems like the easiest option now, abortion, is really the longest and saddest road you could possibly take.January 4, 2008 at 7:36 am #20088Merla
You say that you hate your life, but would you ever wish that you had never existed? No matter how bad life gets, at least you had a change. The abortion procedure is horrible, they dont give the baby any painkillers either, so they are literally ripped appart alive.
If you love your baby, the let them live. The gouvernment should help you a little, you will be able to apply for gouvernment housing (which isnt very nice, but its a place of your own), and a single parents, or child allowence which will give you enough money to eat at least and pay bills, but things will be tight. Things like a car arnt that important, a lot of babys prefer prams anyway. And your local OP shop’s are a great place to buy cheap baby cloths (here you can get near new outfits for about $2 each) and things like prams and cots.
As for the father, yes you should take him into consideration, but think of it this way, if the babys born and he wants nothing to do with it, what difference does it make? he can run away and be a dead beat dad and not know about his child, it would be the same thing to him than if the baby was killed. If he wants to stick around, then great, but otherwise, make the decision thats righ for you and your tiny daughter or son.
Being a mother is a gift, many people wait too late to have a baby and never get the change, they regret it for the rest of their lives. You have been blessed with a little life, one that will change your life, but also give you something worth living for. You will have an innocent beautiful little life who depends on you, who loves you, who needs you. Your duty as their mummy is to protect them no matter the costs.
I know you said you grew up with just your mum and she wasnt a very good parent, i also grew up with just my mum (until she remarried an idiot 4 years ago), and yeah its not always ideal, but i never felt unloved or uncared for. You can learn from your mother mistakes, and not be like her.
Love your baby, put them before you, and when you see their little face in 7 or so months time, you will be so glad that you have them.
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