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September 4, 2009 at 4:23 am #25690flammingstarr
Please could someone help – any advice or help would be so appreciated, I feel like i am going crazy.
I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with my first baby and although the pregnancy was unplanned I was over-the-moon.
I did not think I would ever be pregnant, – Im 36 and have had a lot of problems with Ovarian Cysts, Endometriosis etc.
I have been so foolish though, I met a very charming, funny guy at work, we instantly ‘got-on’ and things developed from there, against my better judgement, we went out a few times [He chassed me] and had a really great time and inevitably we slept together.
We quickly became very close and he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me etc and I fell head-over-heels in love with him although I never intended to.
The problem is he is married and despite telling me several times that he would leave his wife, he never has.
When I found-out I was pregnant it was a hell of a shock, but when I got my head-round it I was so, so happy. He said that he would ‘support me’, but when he didn’t leave his wife things quickly went downhill and we started arguing.
three or four weeks ago, I had abdo pains through the night and at 7.30am, I started bleeding so I went to the hospital to make-sure everything was ok. On the way (just before 8am) I rang him to tell him and told him I wanted him there and he said he would come asap.
I went to A&E initially and spent an hour there, and was then sent up to the Pregnancy assessment unit. After seeing the Doctors and test after test they decided I needed a scan to see if I has mis-carried and addmitted me to the ward. By the time all this had been done it was nearly 11am and he still had not arrived so I called him again. He said he was in the carpark and would be there soon and I shouted at him to get a move-on.
I went in for the scan just before 12 noon and he still had not arrived so I had to go in alone.
The scan was inconclusive because I was still early stages and they could only see a small ‘black area’ on the scan so I still did not know if I had lost the baby or not. When I came out I was in-pieces, I did not know if I was still pregnant or not and I just wanted to curl-up and cry and cry and I was desperate for a hug. I was asked to come back the following day for an ‘internal scan’ and more bloods.
When I tried to ring him again after the scan, his phone was switched-off and I tried for ages to try and get hold of him. Eventually I rang my friend who picked me up and took me home. When I tried to ring him later that day, he answered said “I should not have shouted at him and he hopes I do lose it because he does not want it” and hung-up and then refused to answer any further calls.
Since then it has been a nightmare, I have tried to make things ‘ok’ with us so many times, asked him if he is going to ‘be there’ for me and the baby (financially as well as emotionally) and he replied “No, it your problem, not mine” and he looks at me/talks to me like Im dirt. He is now denying he is the Father even though he knowns damn well there is absolutely NO chance its someone else’s.
The problem is, I still have to work on the same section as him and see him at least 5 days per week and its really stressing me out. I cant tell work the circumstances because they will ‘blame’ me – it is always the woman’s fault even though he is the one who is married and he chassed me and I dont want my collegues thinking I am some-king of whore or that I trapped him because whilst I have been stupid, I never intended for this to happen and they could not be further from the truth.
I am struggling with fatigue to the point of exhaustion, the worst nausea and sickness ever and generally feeling crap. I dont have any support and I feel so, so alone. I dont know what to do about him , work or anything and I am constantly worrying which wont do little one any good at all.
Please could someone help, i feel like i am going out of my mind. Thank you.September 4, 2009 at 11:57 am #25691Nicolette
Hey girl 🙂 I can only imagine what you’re going through, I also went through a break up this week, it was heart wrenching as well and of course I felt like it was all my fault and blah, blah, blah… but you know what? I found comfort in God, His words say that he has a better plan out there for me, that no matter what happens, I should just look forwards to the new thing he is doing in my life. I’m not going to tell you that this is going to be easy- it’s not, but you’ll come out of it as a stronger woman. I won’t tell you to forget this guy- because right now that’s impossible since you work with him, what I can tell you to do is to focus on the new thing taht God is doing in your life whih is this baby. It doesn’t mean that you’re in denial or avoiding the hurt, it just means that you’re not focusing on the things that hurt and you’re focusing on the things that will help you heal- like your baby… having a baby is a very special time for a woman, regardless of how that child is conceived… take some time off, right now, to just shut everything out- everyone’s expectations of you, all your hurt and stress and just breath!!! I was listening to a Joyce Meyer podcast and the relationship expert on her show was talking about how stress is caused by unmet expectations- our expectations of ourselves, people, life and How when we cast our expectations on a God who is incapable to failing us, the load is lifted off our shoulders. You need to be strong girl, it’s not fair, I know, but you need to be strong… that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to cry, it just mean after you’ve cried, you’re still looking forward to new things. caat all your expectations on Jesus… your financial expectations, your health expectations… his hands are big enough to carry it all for you.September 18, 2009 at 2:44 pm #25752alana1936
I am 33 and in a similar situation. I have endo and a history of cervical problems… I am preg and don’t know what to do.
What i would say to you is go with your gut.
That’s what i’m hoping will give me the answer.
xxxxxxxxxxSeptember 29, 2009 at 1:54 am #25804DanniDoo
I say stuff him, let him be a total loser that he is because i tell you what hes the one who’s going to be missing out on YOUR childs life hunny.
Dont worry what anyone at work thinks, if they know you as you then they know none of what your worried about is true.
If your feeling so ill why dont you go to your doctors and see about going onto sick for a few weeks, might do you the world of good.
I want to wish you look in the future and hope everything is ok with baby.
And CONGRATULATIONS Mummy 🙂September 29, 2009 at 9:19 pm #25807Anonymous
🙁 dude im so srry i know what u mean i gave birth to my son in january and his dad is doing the same thing he is telling me that he is not his but logan is a splitting image of his daddy. the daddy does not do anything and by the way i am 17 and the dad is almost 21. so he is like 4 years older than me and its hard being a mom and going to skewl at the same time. i know u will not have to worry about skewl but with work and all the stress of not having any one there to help u its hard especially when u work with the daddy if u need anything u let me know and tell me if u have any ?’s:(
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