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January 27, 2006 at 4:07 am #10345Anonymous
I’m 28 and my boyfriend of 6 years told me he didn’t really love me on the 14th January, so I left him. On the 16th I found out I was pregnant (I’m about 6-7 weeks). He really doesn’t want me to have this child as he says that’s one of the reasons we’re not together (he doesn’t want kids with me). We still get on really well and he says he’ll be a Dad to the baby but that I’m going to ruin my life and his if I go through with it. I really want to be a Mum and have done for the last year or so and have thought about it a lot before this but didn’t realize I’d be doing it on my own (for the last 6 months we’d been talking about getting married and having kids). I just want to know if any of you have been through this sort of thing before. I feel like the only one in the world at the moment who has ever had to face up to something this important on my own. My best friend has three kids (oldest is 13) but her partner was with her and her kids for 11 years before they slip. Do you think it’s wrong to know that my baby’s being brought in to the world and its Dad will never be with its Mum again? Or do you know anyone who’s done this before – how does the child take it when it’s older enough to know that Mum and Dad’s are normal together? My parents slip when I was 13 so I knew what was going on and was able to seek counseling to get over it. I know I’ll meet someone else one day who will love me and the baby but am I being selfish for wanting to have it?January 28, 2006 at 8:30 am #10348Anonymous
I commend you! NO, you are not being selfish, in fact, you are doing one of the most self-less things you can do. In spite of the emotional discomfort, you have chosen to protect the life of your baby. You GO girl! 🙂
~ VelvetJanuary 28, 2006 at 3:39 pm #10351Anonymous
I think it’s great that you want this child. I know that you can do it.
My daughter was two months old when the father walked away. I was also told that he decided he didn’t love me (two days before the wedding) Great huh?
I raised my daughter by myself until she was three years old. Then I met a wonderful man that accepted her as his own and together we raised her. That was sixteen years ago. We are still together and have a terrific marriage and relationship. My point is that I to thought I couldn’t make it on my own. I managed some how. It was not always easy and it is a lot to go through by yourself. Looking back, I now know that this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It is sure hard at the time to see that.
Hang in there. He is telling you that you are ruining your life. I disagree this is one of the best most exciting things that can happen to a woman. Sounds like to me he is afraid of paying child support (he should of thought of that earlier). My daughter never questioned why her parents were’nt together. That was just the way it was. That was all she knew.
Our older daughter is 28 years old and expecting. She is facing the same thing that you are except the father wants nothing to do with it. She has a lot of the same questions that you do. She has decided that with the love and support of her family that she can do this alone.
Good luck to you. I hope you make the decision to bring this child into the world.
Happy GrandmaJanuary 29, 2006 at 12:10 am #10353Anonymous
Hi im 27 years old and was married for 5 years (well still am) i have 3 children a girl of 5 1/2 a boy of 4 1/2 and a boy of 2. My husband left me in august for my childminder who was supposedly a good friend of mine too!!? i was absolutely devasted and so was her husband we took comfort in each other and helped each other through the hard times. after about a month of being seperated i found out i was pregnant my initial reaction was very confusing one minute i was upset and totally rejected the baby didnt want it at all and then the next minute i was totally overjoyed. unfortunately the rejection overtook the joy. me and the "other man" had sexual intercourse once this was before i found i was pregnant. i have probably done the wrong thing because i have now told my husband the baby is not his and have told the other one that its his althiugh im not 100% and am still on my own.
I wont tel you its easy being a single mum because i would be lying im only just getting used to it now!
i came to terms with my pregnancy by telling myself ok i made a mistake and fell pregnant but this isnt my babys fault and regardless of what any one else says or thinks this baby is half(if not more) mine and i can love it enough to make it happy.
there are more single mums out in the world now than not and althiugh its a very scary thought bringing a child up on your own you can do it just believe in yourself if i can do it anyone can!! and who knows you will meet someone else who will love you the way you should be loved and who will love your child as much as you do. Please just be strong it will all be worth it in the end you will look back at these hard times and they will just be a short moment in your life. it does get easier and less painful with time!!January 29, 2006 at 6:14 pm #10356LOHO3
You are totally NOT being selfish!!! I’m 35 weeks pregnant at the moment, and 16, and my babys dad and I are still together, but for how much longer? He and I are constantly fighting and it’s horrible but at the moment theres nothing I can do about it, litterally. At least in your babys case it won’t be around all of that, you know? I believe that we are to have the kids that we have, and that baby is in you for a reason (as corny as it sounds). You know, at least you being 28 you have somewhere stable for your baby to live, your able to provide it with all the love and careing it’s gonna need – I’m not too sure I’m gonna be able to do that with my baby. Also it’s good he hasn’t said that he’s not gonna be there for you. At the beginning of my pregnancy my bf didn’t want this baby either but I did and I’m glad that I’ve kept her and so is he. As your pregnancy progresses he will warm to the idea of being a father. Trust me. 🙂February 9, 2006 at 6:44 am #10362Anonymous
excuse my french but h#ll no, wat would be selfish is if u do away with it, thats your baby, and U deserve to have it, 4get him even though that may be very hard 4 u to do right now, but right about now its about u and your baby if he not gone be in yo life then let it go, u cant force him to, so your next step is to concentrate on making u a better person for this baby that will be coming in the next 7 or 8 months, okay.? dont be sad, everyone goes through similar things like this 4rm time to time, but you will pull through it, wen he says you will ruin his life by this, just tell him he’s already ruined yours, and everytime you look at him you realize how he has been a ruin since he told u that he didnt love u, tell him u will have that baby and no one or nothing will stop it, good luck and keep in touch.February 9, 2006 at 9:52 am #10366Anonymous
no your not being selfish, your doing the right thing . you sound like you have nice friends who will help you and be there for u. but if it is anything like my friends situation the guy will realize that he is going to be a father and he need to be responsable and he will come back just give it time dont pressure him. Especially you dont stress out the first three months are the most scariest you can misscary very easily if you stress. so please dont put yourself through alot of worry i know what it is like to miscarry.
tryn4babyFebruary 9, 2006 at 10:05 am #10367Anonymous
You are not alone! I have just found out that I am pregnant and the father of the child told me it would be best for everyone if I got rid of it. What a joke!! I have decided to have the baby, and I know in my heart that I can raise him/her with out any help from him. You think about it, you plan a life with someone you love then when you least exspect it, the man ups and leaves, but you dont look at it as a bad thing, more of a good thing, its makes you stronger, stronger than you think you could ever be and wiser. enjoy your pregnancy its a very special thing when you see your baby for the first time a switch in your head turns on and you can never emagine life with out your child. Yes its going to be hard and sometimes very lonely, but just look into your baby eyes and think the dad doesnt know what he has missed out on.February 20, 2006 at 10:54 pm #10444Anonymous
To all that have read and replied. Your comments mean a lot to me and I am now feeling a lot more sure of what I have committed myself to. I am actually enjoying this pregnancy now and am looking forward to having a happy future with my child and who ever might come along.
Thanks you for taking the time out to reply.
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