This topic contains 11 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by Brenda Simons .
- April 21, 2007 at 10:18 am #17044
recently i lost my baby due to the docs could not find a heartbeat. So i had the fetus removed and ever since that day i have not stop thinking what i could have done to prevent me from losing my little one.
I had an abortion in october last year i was upset yes of course, but when i lost my baby at 11.5 weeks i was and still am devested that i could have tried harder to prevent from this happing.
Has anyone ever had the same feelings that im going through when they lost a baby???
I dont know if i should go and speak to someone about this or try and work it out by myself? If anyone knows please tell meApril 21, 2007 at 4:56 pm #17045
You know your own feelings better than anyone. If you think you could benefit from speaking to someone, there’s certainly no harm in that. In addition, I suggest prayer. As for preventing this happening, you probably could have done everything perfectly and you still might have lost your baby, unfortunately. Sometimes, these things happen for no good reason. I would strongly suggest you give yourself time before trying to conceive again. You’ve been through a lot recently and I would imagine your body and your heart both need healing. Take care.April 21, 2007 at 6:11 pm #17046
angel s w e m m e r
oh my goodness… sending lotsa cyber-hugs your way!
i wish i could make you feel better with just words…
i would suggest speaking to someone about what you’ve been through.
its no small thing to lose a baby, let alone having been through a termination too, and i’m sure blaming yourself is a normal part of the healing process"…
god blessApril 22, 2007 at 12:50 am #17050
Your loss is so recent.that it’s going to really hurt for a while.You’ll never forget your baby,but you can cope! Just rely on family and friends and take care of yourself.This is a bereavement like any other and as time goes by,it should become easier to bear.If,after a good while,you really feel you still can’t cope,then maybe you should see about counsellingApril 22, 2007 at 4:18 am #17051
heya i felt like that, i lost my baby on august the 1st my 15th bithday and im 17 this august and i was led in bed the other night and i started to cry just thinking of what if i was more careful when i was pregnant and what if i would have had my baby, he/she would of been 1 in febuary. but then i was thinking, but if i would have had my baby i wouldnt of met my bf now. hes the love ov my life, everything happens for a reason. when u are ready u will have a baby and u will be a good mum. hope this has helped you. if u want to talk then u can talk to me on here xApril 23, 2007 at 11:21 am #17053
Don’t try to work this out by yourself. Your being on this site already indicates that you do want to seek out help.
Yes, it’s pretty normal for you to feel that way. It takes a while before we can live with the reality that we’re given by God. When I went through an abortion, I didn’t think much of it. It was only until my wfie and I lost a baby after having fed, clothed, bathed and put him to sleep for five months that the reality of having lost two babies really hit us. It was a while before I could really move from this. What really solidified everything was the birth of a daughter a couple of years later and yet another daugther a year after that.
You need to talk to someone definitely. It doesn’t even need to be someone who went through that though there are people here who have. This is an experience that necessitates the true healing power of the love of people who really do care for you. Don’t sell them short by keeping them out of your life. Don’t sell yourself short either. They were given to you for a reason and this is one of those reasons.
Lastly, take heart that the mere fact that you’re still alive indicates one thing: God cares for you and is holding you in the loving palm of His hand. Take heed and get strength from that. He’s taking care of your babies and there’s no one better to care for them.
There are cases sometimes that we are utterly powerless to prevent the hurt of our loved ones and sometimes we even take an active part in their pain. In cases like those, I believe that God comes in to make sure that the care we cannot give is given a hundrefold to those who deserve it — our babies, in this case.
Take care, honey. You owe it to your babies. They won’t like it one bit if their mommy is in pain.
ErickApril 24, 2007 at 2:37 am #17058
First off, a cyber hug for you.
Secondly, its normal to feel the way you do. No one "wants" to get it wrong, and we all want to try to get it right/better the next time. In addition to the expected emotional stress, hormones settling back into a different routine are likely to make that stuff hit you harder.
Natural terminations happen a lot more commonly that most people know. It’s estimated that about 25% of ALL pregnancies miscarry. Most of these are in the first trimester which is before 13 weeks. The majority of those under 6 wks are not reported since many don’t know they are pregnant yet. Also, over half of those miscarriages are due to random genetic deformities that aren’t hereditary or anything but mean the baby wasn’t "coded" right and wouldn’t develop enough to survive. Genetic lottery is nothing you can control. So, at least you can know that what happened to you is tragic but not unusual. Maybe the head knowing can help the heart some.
If you decide to get pregnant again later, there are so many things you can do to give your baby the best start. Seeing a doctor before hand can give you a leg up on any conditions you may need to treat first, like fibroids or cervical issues. When you are ready, do your homework, consult a doctor, and then follow your instincts. Until (when/if) you are ready, take care of yourself. Give yourself the 2-6 wks it can take for your system to reset itself completely. Most important, don’t be too hard on yourself and realize you suffered an injury from the loss of your baby – both physical and emotional. Don’t be afraid to see a counselor/therapist to treat the emotional trauma just like you saw your doctor to treat the physical trauma.
Lots of support and positive energy to you. <3April 24, 2007 at 7:30 am #17061
I dont think you should try to work this out on your own…..you shouldnt have to carry that heavy weight by yourself….it is not your fault that you babys heart stopped…you gave that baby a chance at life by making a different choice than last time and you are to be commnded for that….I know that you must hurt very badly but giving yourself a guilt trip can only make things worse….I would like to stop and pray for you right now….Lord I just lift this young woman up to You right now…I pray that You would comfort her heart and give her a new begining today…she made a poor choice in Ocotber and I know she is still grieved over that..I pray that You would help her to forgive herself and help her to look forward rather than behind..then more recently Lord she conceived again and made the right choice by chosing to keep her baby….You know her hurt and loss regarding this last pregnancy Lord and I pray that You would hide her in Your wings and that she would feel Your touch in this time of sorrow….I pray that You would go before her on the path she chooses to walk on from here on out and that You would in Your perfect timing bring her a husband to love her and understand the scars she will have from these babies, and that You would bless her with babies one day when the timing is right…until that time comes I pray that You would surround her with people to love on her and to help her in this time and give her wisdom on who to talk to…..give her strength for each and everyday and draw her into Your presence…I ask all these things and more in Jesus name…and if anyone else reading this agrees say with me…Amen………I hope and pray that the Lord would bring you a special friend through this time to help comfot and counsel you on how to make it through…its hard to see it in the moment but over time and healing this will make you stronger and you will be a great mommy one day and I know that you would never take your future babies for granted…so until then..keep your eyes on Jesus and let Him carry your burden…dont try to do it on your own…Love MegApril 24, 2007 at 11:50 am #17063
I haven’t been through what you have and are going through right now. But what I would encourage you to do is to talk about it. Whether it’s finding a Mentor on here or maybe there is someone you are close to where you live…If you are involved with a Church, maybe even your Pastor….but either way, talk about it. Don’t bottle it up inside of you. By doing that, it becomes a bitter poison that eventually ends up eating us up.
If you want, I would be willing to be that listening ear that you need right now.April 24, 2007 at 5:21 pm #17067
siobhan ann wilson
i am in your shoes. i mis my baby everyday, sibaan was my reason but now she is gone. its been a year and 2 months and 3 weeks since i lost her and still i carry the hurt and anger.
i pushed everyone away and now i have no one. my only strength is my boyfriend who was not the father of my angel but he still shares my pain.
you need to be strong and try not to push anyone away because i promise you now, its really lonely on my side.
crying is a everyday thing for me, i have ben so depressed that i have lost too much weight. i hate myself so much that i cant look in a miror.
i have night mares about sibaan where i can hear her but i cant get to her.
loosing a child is the hardest thing anyone can go through especially with all the what if questions you ask yourself, day in and day out.
i know you feel empty and worthless now but you need to be strong and brave otherwise it wont get any easier.
im a mommy with a very broken heart…..April 24, 2007 at 7:12 pm #17068
I am not going through this and so I can only imagine how I would feel.There was nothing you could have to prevent this from happening.Dont beat yourself up over it.Things happen that are out of our control sometimes and there is nothing we can do to prevent it.I f there is someone you trust who will listen to you,maybe a diary of your thoughts and feelings or you can write letters to your lost child or take up a hobby. but if that doesnt work then you should get help.Youll probably never forget the baby but you can be safe in the knowlede that noone can ever hurt her.If you start feeling depressed then talk to someone who will listen and get help.Good luck and sorryApril 25, 2007 at 8:22 am #17072
im so sorry to hear about ur loss…i have not lost a baby, but i know sort of how you feel because i have lost my mom…and the stages of loss are the same for any loss…but it’s not ur fault and there is nothing that you could have done to prevent the loss….
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