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March 1, 2007 at 10:10 pm #15466melindajane
I have know my ex for almost 8 years and we have been seeing each other for approximately 3 months and living together. Over the past few weeks, we have been fighting a lot and it normally leads to abuse. In January I found out I was pregnant. We had a fight one night and when he pushed me, he caused me to miscarry. I was approximately 4 weeks pregnant.
Early last week, he left after we had a huge fight. The following day I found out I was pregnant. I allowed him to come home on Sunday night because I am unable to afford the rent on my own. This was the worst mistake of my life.
On Monday night, we had this huge fight. He started pushing and shoving me, and then when he had a clear shot, he gave me a huge punch to my lower stomach. He attempted to harm me so I would miscarry. I was so angry and after he pushed me and shoved me several more times, I hit him back, giving him a little cut above his left eye.
Soon after the hard blow to my stomach, I was doubled over in excruciating pain. The police eventually showed up as did his parents. His mother attempted to punch me and his dad told me I was a physco and belonged in a mental institute. The police then questioned me and my now ex, and they decided not believe I was pregnant and accused me of hitting myself. The took me into custody, about an hour after my ex beating me and turned away the ambulance that had showed up to take me to hospital. This all happened around 9pm.
At around 11pm, I was in complete hysterics (crying and having a panic attack) and by this time I had asked several times to call my mother and to be taken to the hospital. It took the police over two hours to realise I wasn’t faking and did need medical attention. I am now pursuing legal action against the police officers involved.
So in hospital, one of the officers came. After the nurse did a urine test and confirmed I was pregnant, the police officer still accused me of lying. The hospital asked me what had happened, expressed deep sympathy and asked me if it was ok for them to keep me over night to ensure my ex did not harm me or our unborn child again. My mum picked me up early on Tuesday morning and took me home. My older sister then took care of me all day.
Since this my ex and I have not spoken, however he does know I am still pregnant. He has been accusing me of sleeping with other people and does not believe the child is his. However, I am definite it is his as I have had no relations with anyone for 6 months. I have spoken with his ex, whom he has a 3yr old with. He doesn’t see his son, and his ex has confirmed he use to beat her as well.
My sister wants me to have an abortion, but I am really against abortion, and I feel that if I do have one I will probably emotionally breakdown afterwards and not cope well with it. My biggest concern is am I going to be a good mum, and if I have this child will I be able to love it after knowing where it has come from and will it just remind me of him?
I believe I am ready to be a mum and I think I would be better as a single mum. I tend to be over-protective and I think I would have enough support from my family to raise a child well.
Tonight I have been looking at my options and the photos of abortion really scare me and make me feel like a murder. Could I have an abortion and be certain I am doing the right thing?
I feel that everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is my journey in life and my lesson to learn. Maybe this is meant to be. I’m only 4 to 6 weeks pregnant, so I could still miscarry. I wouldn’t be surprised, I am under a lot of stress.
I always imagined myself getting married to someone I truly love and who loves me, and having a beautiful family with the love of my life. But who is to say if I do have an abortion and in time I do get marred and have children, that my husband won’t leave me. Divorce is so common these days. I’m almost 24 so maybe this can work and maybe I will be a good mum.
I really don’t know what to do. Someone please help me… I am so lost and confused.
:SMarch 2, 2007 at 7:35 am #15471FrancesBeanMommy
Hey girl, I hope you are feeling ok. I encourage you to keep your baby!!! You sound like you really do want to be a good mother to him/her, and that abortion is not something you feel is right for you. I think that even for people who are "sure" they want an abortion, the emotional repurcussions can be severe, so for someone who doesn’t really want to go through with abortion to have one would be so much more excruciating. And you are right, things do happen for a reason. I am 20, and am going to be a single mother in a couple of weeks. My ex left because he didn’t want to be a father and couldn’t get me to agree to abortion. He too was abusive (although emotionally, not physically) and also an alcoholic. We can make it, you and I, and our children too!! Good luck and God bless.March 2, 2007 at 9:06 am #15473xbethx
omg i cant beliveve you have been through so much, i feel really sorry for you. i think that you should keep your child, it is a part of you and it is already a person is side of yo, it already has a heartbeat and is growing so fast, i think that you will regret having an abortion and i think that you will hate yourself for the rest of you life. all these stories on here about people having abortions and regreting it and they cant get over what they have done. i think that you will be a good mum, and that everything you have been through i think that you deserve something good out of it all. you have your family around you. just think about it because it is a big decision and it will change the rest of your life what ever you choose to do. please get back to me and tell me on what decision you choose to make please. im here for you. take care luv xbethxMarch 2, 2007 at 10:28 am #15475Mommyof2babies
omg i couldnt have survived all that…you have alot of strength to be able to survive. i think since u have been through so much you deserve your child. i hope you can stay strong for the beautiful child growing inside you. it made be the seed of an evil man but that doesnt mean you wont love it any less…having a child is the most wanderful thing in the world and i wouldnt trade my two for anything..I’m 21 and have a little girl that will be 2 may 25th and a handsome son that is 3 mos. its the most rewarding gift there is and i hope u can see past the anger and the hurt and keep that wanderful life growing in your womb. your are very brave and just from what i read i think you could raise a proper young man or women and teach them that hitting the one u claim to love or anybody is wrong. plz dont get to stressed and dont let your sister talk you into abortion..my best reguards and i hope everything turns out ok for you. plz plz plz keep me updated on how your doing! and feel free to email me at anytime.
Good luck and i hope your journey to being a wanderful mother is a very rewarding one!March 2, 2007 at 11:42 am #15476Meg11
I truly hope you dont misscary and I plead with you to not abort. Please keep this baby and do not believe the lie that you wont be a good mom. I sometimes have a hard time looking at my daughter because of my past with her dad but it is very rare that those thoughts come up. she is a special girl to my heart and even when I fail her she treats me like I’m the best mom in the world 🙂 Please dont be afraid … Stand UpMarch 2, 2007 at 1:25 pm #15480Anonymous
All i can say to you is BE STRONG! You are stong! And let me tell u this from experience, you WILL love that child if u decide to have it! You will not even think about where he/she came from bc all in all he/she is YOUR child! And yes if u do choose abortion it will be HARD! But do u really want to do that? You will be a great mother. its a natural instinct. And you can be stong for your child! Anywho i hope this helps and i remember to stay strong and get rid of that bad man in ur life! you WILL find someoen who will love you and treat you with respect…..even if u have a child! I promise….March 2, 2007 at 4:36 pm #15486MrsTWalsh
Don’t worry about the person who fathered your baby having an effect on how you will love your child. It won’t be like that. I haven’t spoken to the father of my baby since I told him I wouldn’t get an abortion (at 5 week preg). My son looks alot like him but I know that he has nothing to do with my baby past his genetics. And I’ll admit I thank him for giving me such an amazing kid and feel sorry for him every now and then that he has no idea what a special boy I have. Your baby will be an individual, not an extension of the father. You will fall in love with it right away. Stay strong, Lady, and don’t be with anymore men that dont treat you like the beautiful and deserving woman that you are – for you and your baby’s sake.March 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm #15511toshia
these girls comments they have left for you are so true and inspiring. you need to listen to your heart. that horrible man is out of your life. he truly is a murder….how can someone live with the fact that he killed one unborn child and tried to do the same with this one? be strong. its only his loss and our gain to motherhood if that is the road you choose. Just please remember there is always adoption….so if you think you will be an unfit mother you can find a happy couple that would do anything for that little one. you are an amazing woman to over come an abusive man….when I was younger I had a boyfriend who hit me…and it was very scary…but it made me a stronger woman. I wish you luck……and sending love and prayers to u….xoxoMarch 6, 2007 at 11:45 am #15603mummy2addyson
no matter what u will always be a good mum. dont worry about being reminded of your x by your bean, when i look at Addyson i dont see her father, i see her. i mean you are 24, you seem real mature, you have family that care about u and support u. i think your in a great position to have the baby. its always your decision but from the outside looking in, you look like u will do great! im a big believer that everything happens 4 a reason…. maybe god sent u this child to help u b happy 🙂March 7, 2007 at 9:37 am #15651xx…mariefe…xx
i really think that you SHOULDN’T abort the child. who cares if his father won’t be there to support you! you have your family there to support you. if you do end up aborting the child, you’d just look back at this situation and regret doing it! i know it won’t be easy raising the child on your own and looking at it knowing that he/she has the blood of your ex, but it’s stil yours! just keep your head up high… all’s well that ends well!March 8, 2007 at 9:00 am #15690bonny
all i will say to u is,after reading your story is…
u sound like an unBELIEVEABLY strong, loving, caring woman!!
maybe this is the path that has been chosen for u and by the
sounds of it im sure u would be a GREAT mam and wud b able to support ur
and as far as im concerned if any man left u he’d be mad!
u sound like a great person hun!! i wish u all the luck in the world!March 23, 2007 at 5:41 pm #16146sibzy
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO!!
FORGET THAT GUY, U CAN DO THIS WITHOUT A MAN!!
JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL COME TOGETHER BY ITSELF.
GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT
😉March 24, 2007 at 5:28 pm #16179sibzy
YOU NEED TO STAY STRONG FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY!
GOOD LUCK!March 30, 2007 at 11:11 am #16413foreverbetos
all I can say is keep the baby without him I didnt have a dad and I am thankful for that now! woman have enough love to raise a child on there own, when its your time you will find someone that will love you both more than anything! when you look at that baby you wont see your ex you will see a precious little face that needs you and loves you! my aunt have an abortion and now has three boys but always wanted a girl and still to this day has nightmares that it was a girl an other horrible stuff, god has given you a gift, some woman cant have kids! and like you said things happen for reosons!!!!!!!!! my husband says you can do it!!!!!!!god blessApril 1, 2007 at 11:53 pm #16476lolajessup
i am so sorry you had to go through this. how are things going now? i see its been awhile since you posted but i thought i would ask. i think you sound like you would be a good mommy whether theres a father there or not. if you have supportive family and friends you are in safe hands. he should def not be in the relationship if he has that kind of history. even when he says he will change he wont, its a mental problem that they need help with. i am scared the same ways. i always wanted a family and a loving husband to share my life and family with, but sometimes life doesnt work the way we expect. i am lucky to have a boyfriend who doesnt hurt me, and he is coming around to the idea of having a baby. hes been pretty scared, but he’s finally coming around. there are so many guys out there who will love you and your child no matter where you came from. good luck and if you want to talk more feel free. take care!!!April 12, 2007 at 10:05 am #16780faith73
I can tell you are going through so much right now. I know it is hard, but you musn’t stress. Stress is not good. I can only say do what you feel is right. I can tell that you already have strong feelings for your baby. It is not uncommon to be a single mother. I would not encourage it because I have been there. However, it can be done. Listen to your heart. Your heart will speak to you and let you know what to do. The heart never lies. For that ex-man you have…..LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!! He is so bad for you. Abusive relationships can be hard and no one deserves that. Get out and stay out. If you decide to keep the baby, this is the next best choice you can make. I wish you much luck.
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