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October 24, 2005 at 3:57 am #9678Anonymous
My name’s Vicky and I’m 19. I would just like some advice on what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 and half years. My boyfriend and I really love each other and at the moment I’m 5 weeks pregnant. We planned the pregnancy and hope to move in together later. I live with my Mum and am doing my last year of the sixth form.
My Mum’s really doing my head in.Everytime I go out with my boyfriend its as if she disapproves. Each time I come back home I get into trouble.She doesn’t want me going to his house, she wants him to come to my house instead. Before I go out I have to tell her a day before face to face.Recently she found out that my name was down at the Family Planning Clinic, I went there for contraception before.She started belittling me about that and telling me that it was going to be hard for me to have kids in the future because of contraception. She started saying that its a shame that a young girl like me is on contraception and that Im complicating my life.
Im now fed up of living with my Mum. My life at home has become miserable. I can’t wait to move out and go live with my boyfriend.I also don’t know how I will tell her of my pregnancy. I plan to tell her when Im about 3-5 months.I need to get away from my Mum she is making my life very difficult.
I need your help anyone please!! Please tell me how and when I can tell her about my pregnancy so that I can move out.October 30, 2005 at 9:24 am #9715Anonymous
Hi!!! Did you ever stop to think about where your mom is coming from? Now I know its not what you want to hear but stop and look at the big picture for one minute. Is your boyfriend disrespectful, a "bad boy", or is there some reason for her to disapprove? If not then you have a point. Also I know you probably don’t have morining sickness yet but if you get it, it will be impossible to hide as will bigger breasts and a belly bulge. (I showed very early.) Also, did you think maybe if you just tell your mom she might stop standing in the way of your relationship and realize that you are an adult? Parents are always out to protect their children. I know because I am a parent and I worry all the time that my daughter will turn out like me. If your mother is just overprotective then maybe just telling her will help her step back. If she’s seriously trying to control you maybe she will help you get out of the house once she knows. My mom wouldn’t let me move home again when I got pregnant and even though its tough it was the best thing for me and my daughter. You need to look at her side, too, and then decide what is best but I will tell you that hiding a pregnancy is never a good idea. Best of luck.
SaraOctober 30, 2005 at 4:27 pm #9728Kit
If you are living in your mother’s house, then to a certain level you are bound to follow her rules and listen to her. However you are 19 and are legally an adult. I would tell your mother about your pregnancy and not hide it from her. If your mom already has problems with your boyfriend and your relationship, then hiding the pregnancy from your mom will only make things worse.
Post edited by: Julie, at: 2005/10/31 19:51November 4, 2005 at 1:04 pm #9775nolals
Hi Vicki: You know, I’m 56, and I kinda think your mum KNOWS what’s going on……….and if she DOESN’T, then she is kind of deliberately staying in the dark. YOU ARE 19, legally an adult. It’s too bad you still depend on her acceptance of you as a person, that you need her approval. I was a foster kid, and it kind of feels like she kept you in a controlled situation more or less, like I had been. Otherwise, why at 19 do you fear to tell your mum? Do you have other friends your age that would also have this problem?? In this day and age, actually, people are MORE open and stuff, not at all like in the 60’s. So I have a feeling she’s not letting on to you what she already knows, or fears.
I always looked for feedback from my kids on how I was doing as a mom….in the way of listening to them and trying to understand them, that is. Rules still applied and all that. But I kept open communications with them. Of course, they still hid some of the stupid stuff they did as teens. We all did that to our parents. Hey, if your MUM needs some feedback or someone to talk to, send her HERE and us "older" ones will help out. OK? NolaNovember 14, 2005 at 7:54 am #9825Anonymous
Thank you all for your advice but I’ve seen the problem with my Mum. She still sees me as that little girl and she likes to control me way too much. The problem is that there is a communication breakdown between me and her.She seems to think that she is always right and what can me a 19 year old say to her that she doesn’t know about.I know that if I move out it will be harder in terms of living with my boyfriend and having to work more so as to pay the bills.But in tems of happiness I think I will be far much happier. I love my Mum and appreciate all she’s done for me.But when it comes to this issue of her treating me unfairly I’m not happy.Right now I’m 8 weeks pregnant and just looking forward to having this baby.
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