My life after the abortion

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by New Mommy Darby Sellars .

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  • #19397
    New Mommy
    Darby Sellars

    🙁 As some of you may remember my last post. Askeing opinions on getting an abortion. Well here is how it all ended. I went to the clinic, crying, i wasnt oing to go through with it, i was just making everyone happy by going. In the end i told myself that i was not going to do this, an di will tell my mother i tried, well i was all wrong. I got there and spent hours of waiting with my boyfriend and mother. The clinic was so full it crushed me, everyone walked around with smiles on there faces, lauhing and joking around. "How could they be like this," i wondered. They were all going to kill innocent babies, and as i sat there i was part of this crime. It was finally my turn to go have my ultrasound taken. I asked to see my baby and the lady looked at me like i was crazy, no one had ever asked her this before. I got to see him, he was waving at his mommy, and sucking his other hand. It was a boy! she put me at 21 weeks and 6 days. They only do ultrasounds up to 22 weeks 7 days. I was so happy they wouldnt be able to do this, i wen back and told my mom i was too late, but she thought otherwise. She went back and talked to a nurse for a while, i was then taken back into a room, and was told they were going to preform this. I cried, no im not going to let anyone kill my baby. So i ran away, out to the car, my mother than met me there and told me the absoulute worst thing i have ever heard. This crushed me, how could my mother say this to me, i was so mad, and an emmotional wreck, that i told her fine i will do this so your grandchild will be dead, she then smiled nd laughed. Immediatly i was put on drugs so i wouldnt and couldnt change my mind. This was the absoulute last thing i wanted. I later woke up and said that the first part is over with and that the baby is dead. Tomorrow they will preform the procedure and then i will be good to go. I then became a physical and emmotional wreck. This is the first time i had ever seen my boyfriend cry. All i could do was hold my lil baby and wish that i was dead. Still that is my only wish. After the abortion, my mom has went about her life happier than i have ever seen her. I still cannot forgive her and probably never will. I was forcedd to do something beyond all of my beliefs, and something i never wanted to do. I know sit here a week later and still have no quit crying i miss my baby so much, and all im left with is his lil face on an ultrasound picture. I cannot look at my boyfriend anymore becuse all i see is the baby. This has not only just ruined my life as of right now, but i know it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I hate myself for giving in, i dont know what else to do. I have asked for gods forgivness, but i dont deserve it. It is oo much to ask for. I gave in and let someone kill my child.
    If my story changes one young womans mind, i will consider myself a hero to one youngs life. Please do not to do this to yourself or your baby. It will haunt you forever, i will never be the same. Please is all i ask, do not do what i have done. Thank you for your time in reading this.

    #19399
    MrsTWalsh
    Taryn Walsh

    Wow. I am so sorry. Your story made me cry. Thank you for sharing it as I am sure it is painful to talk about.

    #19400
    MissMyKidz
    Britnie Cutright

    That was very brave of you to share your story… You will be in my prayers…

    #19406
    rocky51
    Raquel Ragon

    !!!! its so werid that i just came acrost that..i just posted something saying i need stories and stuff…its in the advice thing.

    you should go read it. i need some help

    i think the title is

    ever get an abortion?

    #19415
    alexanders_mama
    Katerina Mik

    I’m speechless. I’m sorry, but I just can’t call you a hero. It’s probably painful for you to hear, but I just can’t say anything more after you wrote that.

    #19419
    kez_mummy_2_skye
    Kerry Atkinson

    you let ur own mum make YOUR decisions. Its too late now. I just dont understand how you could get the abortion after seeing your little baby and know the sex and even at that stage, if the baby was to be born at 22wks there still a good chance of survival. The poor little thing. I cant think of it.

    #19430
    way2young
    cronchita Adams

    i know just how u feel becasue my situation is similar to yours and now three months after i still feel the pain. i too can never forgive my mother- because i don’t think that i can ever forgive myself. anyway i will be praying for you, if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to me, because i know that the pain can be unbearable at times. take and please remember that God loves you.

    #19435
    ericklirios
    Erick Lirios

    Hi.

    As I said in my replies to your post about your abortion, I am praying for you. Up to now.

    I can’t say I understand what you’re going through but I do have a very good idea. I was afraid it would end like this but it has. Please forgive me but I am incensed at how your mother laughed at you and how she seemed completely not to care about how you felt about your child.

    The only way this is going to "end" for you is if you grow from this. Keep away from sex because good relationships are built on communication and real care. Sex needn’t be part of it. If you do get sexually involved again and get pregnant again, stand your ground. I wish those of us here on Stand Up Girl could’ve been with you that day so that we could lend you some strength.

    Please ask for forgiveness especially depending on the faith you practice. Yes, you do not deserve any forgiveness for this act but none of us really do deserve God’s forgiveness, mercy and Love. He gives it to us freely and without any consideration of whether we deserve it.

    Let God’s love guide you. He is personally taking care of your baby boy now. That sinless child is certainly with the Lord praying for you that you may forgive yourself and that you may truly forgive yourself and act positively to prevent others from falling into this trap and lie. Abortion is not a way out. It is a certain way of imprisoning oneself. I know you know this now. By constant prayers and facing up to the wrongness of the deed, you can live again.

    Please learn from this. Learn and be a better person. Your child deserves to be proud of his mother. Make him. Eventually, realize that it is the sacrifice of your son’s life that should propel you to be a better and truly holy person.

    Lastly, learn to forgive your mother. She was brought up in a culture and time that said that babies were nothing but a problem that can be "cured" when you get pregnant. Show her how wrong it was. The only sin that God will not forgive is the sin that has not been asked to be forgiven. She chose to give you life after all these years and she deserves your forgiveness as well. Show her that she has done something wrong as well and that, like you, she should also seek forgiveness.

    Who knows? Together, with your boyfriend, you may prevent just one more abortion from happening.

    If I may quote the Talmud, "Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire." You failed with your baby. There are others to save now especially that your son is now God’s little soldier.

    Take care.

    Will continue praying for you.

    Erick

    #19446

    Anonymous

    Young lady, you said you asked God to forgive you and I believe the minute you did, HE DID. Her is the problem…. You must now lean on His love and forgiveness demonstrated to you so YOU MAY FORGIVE YOURSELF. I am sorry your mother pressed you into doing something you didn’t want to do. I would have to ask where the ice came from that has frozen your mother’s heart. As difficult as this may sound, the forgiveness that God has extended to you, you must now extend to your mother. Until we forgive, we are unable to receive the forgiveness we need. It is like someone who puts a seed into the ground to grow a beans. Until they plant the seed in fertile ground it will not grow. But, when the seed is planted, it is free to to reproduce again and again. So goes forgiveness. It will be a difficult task, but if you pray to God to help you to forgive, then He will. I can hear the voice of a very intelligent young lady when I read your post. I am sorry for your pain both physically and emotionally. I am sorry for your bf. For, I too, am an "abortion dad". My girlfriend’s parents did the excat same thing when I was in High School. My prayers are with you!

    #19470
    Merla
    Merla Brown

    Two little eyes that will never see, a mouth that will never speak, and a person the world will never meet. One more heart that stoped beating.

    Pray, pray hard, ask your son for forgivness, because you need it. He is in a good place now, he is safe, he is with god.

    You will be forgiven, even if you may not deserve it, we never really deserve forgivness…

    You had the support of everyone here, you read their storys, you listened to their advic, and yet you still gave into the pressure. your not a hero, you never will be. Heros are the wonderful young women who stood up to the pressure, and gave their babys life.

    Goodluck wherever life takes you.

    #19471
    New Mommy
    Darby Sellars

    Thank you for your post. What is your sory if you dont mind me asking?? Its ok if you do not want to share, but i would like to realte to anyone who i can. thank you!

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