This topic contains 24 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by angel s w e m m e r .
- January 9, 2006 at 1:37 pm #10214
Im 21 years old and im 6 1/2 months pregnant. I found out that i was pregnant shortly after the father and i broke up. When we were together he made that whole spell about not believing in abortion and that he would be there for me and the baby if i ever got pregnant. Then when i found out he did that exact opposite. He never calls to see how im doing, refuses to meet us with me for any reason and is an all out right jerk to me about everything. Apparently he has a new girlfriend and is leading a new life. He has asked me to give the baby up for adoption and I dont know what i should do. Im scared to do this on my own but i have mant doubts about giving my baby up. Any thoughts on what is should do about my relationship with him or the idea of adoption?January 10, 2006 at 9:52 am #10216
I am only 18, but I have an idea. Why don’t you just keep the baby, Even though he isn’t with you and doesn’t help you, why don’t you think of all the joy the child will bring to you. I would love, absolutely love, to have a child of my own, whether or not the father is there with me, if they can’t be, or they don’t want to at least I know that there is a child unborn within me who will always love me more than anyone else could have possibly ever loved me. Adoption, sure it works there are a lot of people out there who are unable to have children of their own, but imagine and think about it, you are blessed to be able to carry and give birth to your very own child.January 10, 2006 at 1:02 pm #10218
I’m sorry to hear how your ex is treating you. If I were you I would not try to patch up or pursue a relationship with him anymore. He has already shown that he won’t be there for you or the baby and it is not likely to change. You deserve much better. If you decide to keep the baby you could press for child support coverage from him, even if unfortunately he won’t be emotionally responsible in the child’s life. As far as whether to keep the child or give it up for adoption, that is up to you. There are plusses and minuses to both options and neither will be easy. Get as much information as you can on your options and pray and listen to what your heart tells you is best for you and for your baby. Best wishes.
KateJanuary 10, 2006 at 1:36 pm #10221
If the father will have nothing to do with you or the baby he has no right to tell you to give the baby up, he may just not want to be liable for child support later. Have you told your family yet, are they supporting you? If you want to keep the child there are many places and assosciations that offer support. All I can say is follow your heart. You’ll be in my prayersJanuary 10, 2006 at 5:58 pm #10224
I myself to am pregnant, and the baby’s father doesnt want anything to do with it either. I have finally came to the dicission of keeping my baby. Sweetie do simply what in your heart and think of your babies eyes the first time you two both meet. By the way I am 23.January 10, 2006 at 10:44 pm #10225
Hi i was 15 when i found out n my baby father sed he would b there 4 me n he was 4 2months n then he went in the army n came out after a fews weeks we got bk 2 gether for my son but it didn’t work he sed he had a new girlfriend n she told him its her or ur son he picked her n when i 1st found out he told me not 2 tell n e one n wait till my son was born n dump him but i told my head of yr n she told my mam i didn’t do wot he sed coz i was stronger then tht n i new i have family who would help me.
Keep ur head up high n dn’t do wot he says its up 2 u but my son is the best thin tht has happen 2 me. I have just found out tht my son’s father has a baby on the way again but he has left her. Us mothers/mothers 2 b need 2 show tht they can’t change r minds. Men or suld i say Boys shuld not have kids all they do is leave us holdin the baby n they get away but we can get on with life n c r kids grow up they can’t
Be strong n do wot u think is best
JemmaJanuary 11, 2006 at 11:09 am #10229
I am currently 21 with a 17 month old daughter. Her father didnt want anything to do with me either, that is until she was born. I am thankful that he is still in her life what little he is, but i am writing to tell you not to give up that baby. I honestly think that you would regret it. I have a son on the way right now and i wouldnt change anything for the world. If anything it makes you grow up really fast. Trust me I’ve been through some really rough times but honestly you will pull through.
LisaJanuary 11, 2006 at 4:48 pm #10230
It doesn’t matter what he says or does. This is your beautiful child that is growing inside you. Don’t EVER apologise for that! You are going to be a wonderful mom.
All you can do is thank him for giving you your child and move on with your and your babies lives. Your child will thank you for your bravery and courage to continue without a father when he/she grows up.
A lot of my friends don’t know their biological fathers and told me they were so glad their mothers had the courage to keep them and not abort.
Hold your head up high and enjoy the journey of motherhood!January 12, 2006 at 4:56 am #10232
Hi, I just want you to know that ou have my blessings. I am 22 and my boyfriend is not wonting me to have an abortion, but he isn’t ever there for me either. We stay together and he is never home to take care of me.H e just stay out in the streets and get drunk all the time but you know what I do? I pray because I found out with god and having faith and him and believing in him you wont ever have any fears. So just trust in him and he will make away for you and your baby.Never even think of abortion get that thought out of your head cause that is your blessing he will make away for the two of you.Please pray for me as well as I will for you. Thanks CatrinaJanuary 13, 2006 at 12:38 am #10234
I am a baby of adoption and the system is great. I was very young so it was very easy for me to get adopted. When a child is older it is harder for that child to be adopted cause most parents want a baby. If you have doubts about adoption don’t but it seems to me that you really love that child and that it would hurt you more thinking about the child when it is gone. But are you in a good situation to have the child? I am sorry about you situation but it will be just fine.January 13, 2006 at 7:30 am #10236
Hi huny… First i would like to say, congradulations on becoming a mommy!
Congradulations on being strong, and stepping away from abortions all togehter. Personally, i think that you will find it all worth it once you deliver that percious miracle that God has place on the inside of you.Right now, you probably feel that if he’s not there then you can’t do this. Let me tell you something, i believe in you, that you are a bold, strong women who can face any obstacles that come in lifes, path, he’s was only a tree blocking the road to success for you. Now that he is cleared out of the way, keep a motivating drive that keep you from looking back, keep straight focusing on what’s first now in your life. You’re baby!!! Forget what he’s missing, i can pretty much guareentee that you will be glade you kept that angel tiny and sweet in your life. Don’t get me wrong, adoption is wonderful, it gives God’s greatest little gifts a chance to live a life in which they can achieve more. But if the only reason that you want to give th baby up for adoption is because of him leaving, i don’t think that say you can’t. i l know you can!!!!!!! hunn, believe me, i WILL be praying every day that you do whats right. If you feel the baby will live a better life with someone else, think about whats right for the baby, if it’s better that they stay with you, don’t give up the oppurntunity.January 13, 2006 at 9:21 am #10241
Listen i am only 17 and i have already had my baby he is 8months old. I know that u are alot older than me but my babies father has left me and our baby alone but i keep my head up and continue to go school and work. I know if i can do it u can too. So don’t get mad at him cuz he doesn’t deserve u ne way. And for his girlfirend just think of her as being really stupid cuz she really is more than u think. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP MAMA!January 14, 2006 at 2:14 am #10245
Hi, I would just like to say im sorry about your boyfrined not being there for you, men sometimes have a tendancy to say one thing and do the other, i should know but i wont go into it. there are some decent ones out there. I myself am 20 years old and 3 months pregnant, when i told my mum she hit the roof but im old enough to make my own choices in life so i decided to keep it. Your 21 so thats even older than myself, if the father dosent want to help you then you cant make him, and you getting upset or angry about it isnt really going to change his mind. The baby your carrying dosent even know what is happening yet, and to be honest deserves a chance to live his/her life, at least his/her mother will love him. There are plenty of places and help lines that you can talk too for support or you can talk to me. : ). Adoption is also another option, if you feel you cant raise the baby on your own then you can always go for an open plan adoption where you get to choose the family your baby goes to, they could be a couple who cant conceive for what ever reason this way you stay in touch with the family and your baby, it gives them a chance of a better life just the chance of life alone and it also gives the couple something to love in their life if you feel you cant provide one good enough.
I hope this helps, take care and i hope things work out.
k XJanuary 14, 2006 at 6:40 am #10246
I was 21 when I gave birth to my daughter, she is now six. Same situation, her father and I had just broken up when I found out I was pregnant. 2 months later I had to go to him and let him know. Very embarrassing. I thought he would think I was lying to get him back. We tried to work things out for the sake of the baby, BIG mistake. We broke up when she was 2. I have learned alot since I was 21. Unfortunately boys will come and go. Life is this way whether its death, a new relationship, etc. When everything is all said and done it will always be you and your baby. Do not let him tell you what to do, because you are the one who will have to live with the decision. And please do not base your decisions on his actions. Raising a baby on your own is very hard, I am going to be honest. But you are capable. If you think in your heart that the baby will be better off with 2 loving parents and you cannot financially take care of your baby than it is up to you to decide, not him. GOD will not give you anything you cannot handle. One more thing, dont force him to be in your childs life. I have seen this done, and it seems to just confuse the child, and makes the child feel unwanted. Trust me, the last question you want to answer is: Why doesn’t daddy pick me up anymore? If he has any heart at all when he sees the baby grow up he will want to be a part of thier life, if not its probably best that he stays out. Anyhow, regardless of the situation he will have to pay child support. If you go through the District Attorneys office, its free, and you never even have to see him, they will deduct his paychecks and send you a check in the mail. Oh so lovely the way the US is strict with dead-beat dads!!!! And do not be hard on yourself or stubborn, you are sacrificaing your life to raise another, the LEAST he can do is help you out.January 14, 2006 at 8:38 am #10248
keep your baby if you want. get a dna test and get child support from him. you can even have the courts make him pay for the paternity test! if you dont want to keep this baby give her up for adoption. its soooo worth it to keep your baby tho!January 15, 2006 at 8:46 am #10252
First off he’s a jerk and you’re better off without him. Pregnancy and fatherhood should make men grow up but it doesn’t always.
Second this is your child. It is your decision. Do not let him talk you into anything. Adoption is a great option but it’s not right for everyone. Are you at a point in your life where you can support but most of all love your child with everything that you have? Can you make this chlid the center of your universe?
I was 21 when i found out i was pregnant, too. I had only been dating my bf a few months when we found out and we were shocked! Luckily he stuck around and my daughter and i live with him now. Being a mother is so rewarding. If you are ready to be an amazing mother then do it. You don’t need to be perfect or even know everything about infants. Read the books and magazines and see if you can do this now. If not, then let your baby go to a mother who can.January 16, 2006 at 4:59 pm #10260
hey that must be really tough. when i found out my boyfriend did the runner too. But i will never regret keeping my little boy. You’ve gone throught this much alone it sounds like you’d make a great mother. Whats giving your baby up for adoption going to do for him Why has it got anything to do with him he obviousley doesn’t care about hor your feeling. Do what you feels right for your self and your child but belive me when you hold him or her in your arms for the very first time you won’t ever regret it.
emmaJanuary 16, 2006 at 6:58 pm #10264
i’m so sorry hun! Same thing happened to me and it is such a horrible feeling! The best thing you can do is just let him go….if he wants to be like that then he doesnt deserve you or your child. He’s probably terrified and is looking for an easy way out. DON’T give your baby up just to satisfy him. Even if you do, things will never be the same. I go to a support group and it is so helpful. It gives you some sort of strength and a feeling that you can and will get through this. I’ve got alot of women family members and friends behind me which helps alot. Hopefully you’ve got the same. I really hope everything works out for you and baby. This isnt the end of the world hunny, feels like it but its not. I shed a tear for you.January 17, 2006 at 10:56 am #10271
take him to maury and he’ll help you get child support and take a test so he knows that its hisJanuary 17, 2006 at 3:58 pm #10276
hey im sorry to hear about your babies father but let me tell you a little story it might make you look different on things maybe not but ill try! when i was 16 i got pregnant with my daughter who is now two years old my babies father went to jail for drugs! i was devestated. when he got out he wanted nothing to do with me or my daughter…. well he came around ( or so i thought) at 18 i got pregnant with my son ( same babies father) but i didnt know that he wasnt handleing my 13 mnonth old daughtr so wqell. well one night i was in the living room recovering from a bit of morning sickness and i heard my daugter scream bloody murder. i thought she was throwing a fit.( she was in the kitchen with her " father") he brought her in and STOOD her by the couch she was crying so hard i picked her up a realized she couldnt move her leg at all. i took her to the hospital and it turned out he had thrown her across the kitchen for being hungry and broke her leg she was only 3 months old. im not saying ONE BIT that your babies dad would do something like that! im just saying maybe your better off without him just you and your kid cause sometimes thats the best way to go. if they cant stay around when your pregnant then they deff. cant handle a baby!! hang in there! i no have a son and i will be gettng my daughter back from the state soon.
he only got 4 mons can you believe it?? keep me updated if your not too busy!!!!!
keep your head up things will get better,
rachelJanuary 18, 2006 at 5:18 pm #10287
I am sorry to hear your baby’s father will not have anything to do with you. I have never been in that situation so i have absolutely no clue what that is like. It must be so hard. I dont know if this will help you but i think that i should tell you my sisters story.My mom was only 16 when she found out she was pregnant to this guy named Joe and she was DEFINITELY not having an abortion and my grandma agreed to help take care of the baby. Well that jerk joe didnt help out my mom raising my sister. He didnt want anything to do with either of them. Well my sister has grown up without her father her whole life and my dad has raised her but my parents recently got a divorce and my sister doesnt keep in touch with him anymore (my dad) becuz of stuff that as happened in the past. my mom is now remarried and my sister is engaged and she will be gettin married in june this year. my stepdad and the grooms dad is walking her down the aisle. my sister actually tried to get in touch with her father 2 months ago becuz she knew her boyfriend was going to soon propose to her and he talked to her and she was calling him dad and everything. but -surprise surprise- joe couldnt handle having my sister in his life even when she is 20 years old! so my sis doesnt talk to him anymore. in myopinion i think you should not talk to him unless he decides to raise the baby! i think as long as you are a good mother the baby will turn out good-father or not!!!! I hope everything works out! 🙂
* .::Emily::. *January 19, 2006 at 12:13 am #10288
I know where your coming from. I was 16 when I had my son. His father left shortly after he was born and has made it quite clear he wants nothing to do with us. I am not 24 and my son is 7. I know it seems hard and at first it will be, but think about how happy you will make your child just being there for them. I basically raised my son alone with a little help from family until 4 years ago when I met the love of my life. Together as now husband and wife we share the responsibility of raising him. Believe me it is a hard road but you will push through the hard times and things will be brighter in the near future. You have to remember to keep your head up and remember you CAN overcome any obstacles that stand in the way!April 26, 2006 at 5:50 am #10939
I am 19 years old and 9 weeks pregnant. I currently have a two year old with my baby’s father. We broke up last year becuase he had gotten some other female pregnant and I couldn’t take it. We still were messing around off and on while we both were in other relationships. I found out I was pregnant March 8, 2006 and informed him. He started actin crazy because I guess he didn’t want his girlfriend to find out. He wants me to get an abortion but, I just can’t do it. At first I was but, I realized I can’t . It is just not me. He is really upset and it is affected how he treats me and his first born daughter. He changed towards her and It hurts to see it. I don’t know what to feel about him anymore. I just keep on moving on with my life. I take care of my daughter and when this baby comes out I will take care of that one too. One day he will realize what he is missing. You just stay strong. A baby is a beautiful gift. Seeing my daughter smile changes my whole mood each day.April 27, 2006 at 3:00 pm #10953
hey girl i’m so sry to hear about that i am 13 and pregnant but i have the blessing of my babies daddy support and him being w/ me but still remember even though your ex isn’t in love w/ you and changed his mind on every thing he said and has moved on w/ his life just remember that baby will always love you!!! it may be hard raising it yourself but you always have us to turn to and your friends should help but w/e you do plez do not get an abortion that just isn’t the way out and it could kill you in the future it has before just plez remember that baby loves you!! hope you make the right decision and good luck lots of love to you
~lauren :silly:April 30, 2006 at 9:04 am #10972
angel s w e m m e r
i’ve been where you are sweetie. it’s going to take a lot of thought and prayer and support from family and friends for you to make a decision like that. it’s really hard to try and think of yourself and the baby and what’s best for both of you.
i am 32, and my baby is now 15 years old. he’s never had any contact with his father at all.
it was a mutual decision, although in the beginning i was prepared to do the weekend parenting thing with him. he and his family decided they had enough to deal with and said the baby was a bit much as well (i’m using my own words here). we then agreed that i would not ask them for anything and they would leave us alone.
it took me a long time to stop being angry with him.
i considered adoption as well. if i had not had the support of my family, friends and church i would not have kept my baby. as much as it hurt me i wouldn’t have tried to keep him if i wouldn’t be able to give him everything he needed and then some.
i’ll be praying for you.[/color]
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