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January 17, 2006 at 2:18 pm #10273Anonymous
Hi a friend of mine just had a miscarrage and i am not sure what to say to her or how to make her feel better. she has a son already but is having a hard time dealing with it. the baby died 3 weeks before she started bleeding and she said some things that she is regetting. what do i do to help her realise is it not her fault. please help.January 22, 2006 at 2:22 am #10316Kit
I have never had to deal with the pain of miscarriage. (At least that I am aware of – there was one time that I suspect that I maybe may have had an early miscarriage, but I don’t know if I was pregnant of not.)
However, I have had friends and relatives that have had to deal with the pain of miscarriage. The pain and grief is very real. I don’t know what to tell her specifically. It is very unlikely that the miscarriage was her fault. She shouldn’t be made to feel guilty, but it is a common emotion with miscarriage. Tell her you that you are here for her if she needs a friend, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Tell her that you care about her. You sound like a very good friend to me.
KateJanuary 22, 2006 at 4:14 pm #10324Anonymous
I’ve had 3 miscarriages myself and the things I didnt want to hear was, "It will all be ok; It was for the best; Count your blessings; and I know how hard this is for you." Give her space and let her know she can talk about it whenever she feels like and you will be there to listen. And do just that; listen. I feel very responsible for all of my children that I lost, and not because I did anything wrong while pregnant, but because I was the only one who could nuture them and my body turned against them.
Unfortunately this is a road that unless you’ve travelled it, you cant make it better or help. Just be a shoulder to cry on. There is a process to grieving; she needs to know its ok to grieve and feel free to do so when she needs. The pain doesnt go away but does get to the point where it doesnt ache anymore.
My heart goes out to her. Thank you for being such a carrying friend to her.
ChristinaJanuary 22, 2006 at 7:41 pm #10326Angel_Eyes
I have had a misscarriage and know how your friend feels. The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her in whatever way she needs support. If she needs to talk be a good listener. If she needs someone just to lean on and know that she’s not being judged than be that for her.
You mentioned that she is feeling guilt over some things she said. This is somewhat normal. Many people who have experience misscarriage(s) go through the process of I should of done this or should not have done that. This attitude of questioning ones self will go from the actions they took to the feelings they had. She needs to sort out how she feels now.
For me, researching helped to overcome the guilt that I felt. The first trimester is the most susceptable to misscarriage. The body will spontaneously abourt an embryo or fetus that is not developing correctly and there is nothing the mother can do about it or to prevent it, Its just the bodies process. It is no ones fualt either. Another thing is that if the egg is fertilized and implants late in ovulation or even manages to after ovulation, the chances of a misscarriage are greatly increased.
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