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May 28, 2005 at 2:57 pm #8118Anonymous
As much as we wanted a kid, we will try again I"m sure
This one did not make it
5-21-05 i m/c
it was 6 weeksMay 29, 2005 at 10:19 am #8126Anonymous
hey im sry that must really suck…..May 29, 2005 at 10:34 am #8127Jonluver
i’m so sorry. i know what your going through. i was 8 weeks when my baby died. It’s the hardest the thing to go through. You’re childern are supposed to bury you not the other way around. If you ever need anyone to talk to i’m here.
I never got to see you,
My precious bundle of joy.
I never got to know you,
Were you a girl or a boy?
I never got to hold,
and rock you to and fro.
I never got to kiss you,
or count your little toes.
I never got to see your face,
eyes open with a smile.
I never got to have you,
even for a while.
I never got to keep you,
I had to let you go.
I never got a chance to say,
I really love you so.May 29, 2005 at 10:51 am #8129Jonluver
here’s one more poem that really helped me out.
I stood beside you bed last night,
I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying,
quietly in your sleep.
I touched you softly
as you brushed away a tear,
"it’s me i haven’t left you,
I’m well, i’m fine, i’m here."
I was close to you at breakfast,
i watched you pour coffee,
you were thinking of how much you
longed to be with me.
I was with you at the store today,
your arms were getting sore,
i longed to take your parcels,
i wish i could do more.
I was with you at my grave today,
you tend it with such care.
i want to reassure you,
that i’m not really there.
i walked with you to the house,
as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my hands on you,
i smiled and said "it’s me."
you looked so very tired,
and sank into a chair.
i tried so hard to let you know,
that i was standing there.
it’s possible for me to be
so near you everyday.
to say to you with certainty,
"I never went away."
i have more if want them. take care.May 29, 2005 at 11:00 am #8130Jonluver
I got this from one of my support groups. when you feel readyread it.
The Truth Is…
1. The truth ISN’T that you will feel "all better" in a couple of days, or weeks, or even months.
The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning.
2. The truth isn’t that a new pregnancy will help you forget.
The truth is that, while thoughts of a new pregnancy soon may provide hope, a lost infant deserves to be mourned just as you would have with anyone you loved. Grieving takes a lot of energy and can be both emotionally and physically draining. This could have an impact upon your health during another pregnancy. While the decision to try again is a very individualized one, being pregnant while still actively grieving is very difficult.
3. The truth isn’t that pills or alcohol will dull the pain.
The truth is that they will merely postpone the reality you must eventually face in order to begin healing. However, if your doctor feels that medication is necessary to help maintain your health, use it intelligently and according to his/her instructions.
4. The truth isn’t that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth is that your upside-down world will slowly settle down, hopefully leaving you a more sensitive, compassionate person, better prepared to handle the hard times that everyone must deal with sooner or later. When you consider that you have just experienced one of the worst things that can happen to a family, as you heal you will become aware of how strong you are.
5. The truth isn’t that grieving is morbid, or a sign of weakness or mental instability.
The truth is that grieving is work that must be done. Now is the appropriate time. Allow yourself the time. Feel it, flow with it. Try not to fight it too often. It will get easier if you expect that it is variable, that some days are better than others. Be patient with yourself. There are no short cuts to healing. The active grieving will be over when all the work is done.
6. The truth isn’t that grief is all-consuming.
The truth is that in the midst of the most agonizing time of your life, there will be laughter. Don’t feel guilty. Laugh if you want to. Just as you must allow yourself the time to grieve, you must also allow yourself the time to laugh. Viewing laughter as part of the healing process, just as overwhelming sadness is now, will make the pain more bearable.
7. The truth isn’t that one person can bear this alone.
The truth is that while only you can make the choices necessary to return to the mainstream of life a healed person, others in your life are also grieving and are feeling very helpless. As unfair as it may seem, the burden of remaining in contact with family and friends often falls on you. They are afraid to "butt in," or they may be fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. This makes them feel even more helpless. They need to be told honestly what they can do to help. They don’t need to be told, "I’m doing fine" when you’re really NOT doing fine. By allowing others to share in your pain and assist you with your needs, you will be comforted and they will feel less helpless.
8. The truth isn’t that God must be punishing you for something.
The truth is that sometimes these things just happen. They have happened to many people before you, and they will happen to many people after you. This was not an act of any God; it was an act of Nature. It isn’t fair to blame God, or yourself, or anyone else. Try to understand that it is human nature to look for a place to put the blame, especially when there are so few answers to the question, "Why?" Sometimes there are answers. Most times there are not. Believing that you are being punished will only get in the way of your healing.
9. The truth isn’t that you will be unable to make any choices or decisions during this time.
The truth is that while major decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, are better off being postponed for now, life goes on. It will be difficult, but decisions dealing with the death of your baby (seeing and naming the baby, arranging and/or attending a religious ritual, taking care of the nursery items you have acquired) are all choices you can make for yourself. Well-meaning people will try to shelter you from the pain of this. However, many of us who have suffered similar losses agree that these first decisions are very important. They help to make the loss real. Our brains filter out much of the pain early on as a way to protect us. Very soon after that, we find ourselves reliving the events over and over, trying to remember everything. This is another way that we acknowledge the loss. Until the loss is real, grieving cannot begin. Being involved at this early time will be a painful experience, but it will help you deal with your grief better as you progress by providing comforting memories of having performed loving, caring acts for your baby.
10. The truth isn’t that you will be delighted to hear that a friend or other loved one has just given birth to a healthy baby.
The truth is that you may find it very difficult to be around mothers with young babies. You may be hurt, or angry, or jealous. You may wonder why you couldn’t have had that joy. You may be resentful, or refuse to see friends with new babies. You may even secretly wish that the same thing would happen to someone else. You want someone to understand how it feels. You may also feel very ashamed that you could wish such things on people you love or care about, or think that you must be a dreadful person. You aren’t. You’re human, and even the most loving people can react this way when they are actively grieving. If the situations were reversed, your friends would be feeling and thinking the same things you are. Forgive yourself. It’s OK. These feelings will eventually go away.
11. The truth isn’t that all marriages survive this difficult time.
The truth is that sometimes you might blame one another, resent one another, or dislike being with one another. If you find this happening, get help. There are self-help groups available or grief counselors who can help. Don’t ignore it or tuck it away assuming it will get better. It won’t. Actively grieving people cannot help one another. It is unrealistic, like having two people who were blinded at the same time teach each other Braille. Talking it out with others may help. It might even save your marriage.
12. The truth isn’t that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
The truth is that acceptance is a word reserved for the understanding you come to when you’ve successfully grieved the loss of a parent, or a grandparent, or a beloved older relative. When you lose a child, your whole future has been affected, not your past. No one can really accept that. But there is resolution in the form of healing and learning how to cope. You will survive. Many of us who have gone through this type of grief are afraid we might forget about our babies once we begin to heal. This won’t happen. You will always remember your precious baby because successful grieving carves a place in your heart where he or she will live forever.
by C. Elizabeth CarneyMay 29, 2005 at 11:10 am #8133Jonluver
i’m sorry. here;s one more. i promise no more unless you ask.
If i could have a lifetime wish,
a dream that would come true,
i’d pray to God with all my heart,
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can’t bring you back,
i know because i’ve tried.
and neither will a million tears,
i know because i’ve cried.
you left behind a broken heart,
and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you!!!
I hope this stuff helps. remember if there’s anything you need don’t hesitat to let me know. i’ve been there, and actually i’m still there. Not a day goes by that i don’t think about my baby.May 29, 2005 at 3:39 pm #8140Anonymous
Honey I’m sooooo sorry I just wish I could give you a hug or something. I want you to know that all us girls on this site love you and we are here for you and you can get through this. The pain might seem unbearable right now but every day it will lesson just a little bit- you will not forget this baby but the pain will eventually subside and the sun will shine again. It’s ok to grieve and cry because this is a very hard thing, so don’t let anyone tell you that what you feel is wrong or not legitimate. You can do this- every day will get better then the last. We love you and we are all here for you.May 30, 2005 at 2:02 pm #8153Anonymous
I would love to read more
It helps to hear that I am not aloneMay 31, 2005 at 12:25 pm #8177Jonluver
She clings to the hand of God,
to keep from going wild.
And in his presence
comes to know
his other hand holds her child
Don’t let them say i wasn’t born.
That something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave.
I loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold
It doesn’t mean i’m gone.
This world was worthy, not of me,
God chose that i move on.
I know the pains that drown you soul,
what you are ofrced to face.
you have my word, i’ll fill your arms,
someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was "meant to be,
god doesn’t make mistakes."
but that won’t soften your worst blow,
or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do,
another child you’ll bear.
believe me when i say to you,
i am always there.
there will come a time, i promise you
when you will hold my hand,
storke my face and kiss my lips
and then you’ll understand.
Althoug i never breathed your air,
or gazed into your eyes,
that doesn’t mean i never "was,"
An angel never dies!June 1, 2005 at 2:32 am #8182JBurks7819
I too feel your pain. It has been a year since i miscarried and it has been a long healing process. I know the last thing you want to hear is that your young and that you will have other children so I will not tell you that. But I ill tell you that it is ok to be angry, confused, jealous, and hurt because I went through the same thing and still not completely over it. I just want you to know that it is alright to cry it out and if you need to talk to a doctor so they can better help your situation. As a person who was expecting a child, I know what it feels like to lose a life that you never had a chance to meet, and you wonder why it had to be you when everyone around you are in a worse situation that you are. However, this will give you time to let your body heal and build itslef back up also build your self esteem back up. So best wishes and I too share your pain and loss. Keep your head up!
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