Loving but not being able to love

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  • #14831
    Avatarlilmomma09

    Well i suppose i should start at the beginning. I am 15 and 7 months pregnant. When my ex boyfriend and I decided that we wanted to have a baby, due to everyone in my family disapproving of our relationship, we got engaged. He took me to the State Fair and bought me the ring, and we spent the week-end with his mom in Renaldsburg. About two weeks later he broke up with me. He told me that he didn’t think the baby was his, that i was sleeping with someone else. I was a month pregnant then. After about 2 weeks of being separated, me going through tons of tears(I cried non-stop from the time i woke up to the time i fell asleep)he finally agreed to come to my house and say a last good-bye. When he came i threw my arms around him and cried for about 15 minutes on his lap. He finally told me to stop crying, that everything was going to be okay, and he did a lot of thinking and he wanted to get back together. The marriage was off but my hopes were still high. After a week he left again, without saying goob-bye. I found out soon enough that he was using me for my step-dad’s drugs and he had slept with someone while we were broke up and continued cheating on me. He left me with more than a baby, if you know what i mean. Now Im in foster care and in the custody of Children services. He recently told my mom that he still loves me and wants to be there when our daughter is born. Because i still love him as if he never did any of these things i am more than willing to take him back if he changes his ways. But i live with an Amish-raised family and they would never allow it. So i am stuck with seeing him as my baby’s father only, even when i want so badly to be his wife. I wish there was some way to love him, but im not allowed.

    #15638
    AvatarMeg11

    Take all of that love that you have to give and shower it on your baby. The love that you desire to have can only come from one place. Jesus. I dont know if you know the Lord but wow do you have the heart of someone who does. This guy is no good for you and yet you love him unconditionally and you have forgiveness to give him as well even though he has left you in this spot and from the sounds of it an std also (am I wrong?) I am sorry about you having to be in foster care and from the sounds of it you dont need to be in a house with a drug dealer either. The choice to have sex did put you in this place but it is not all your fault. Your parents should have protected you and raised you to make healthier choices. My prayers are that you will raise your child to live differently than this. May the Lord pour out His love on your broken heart and give you all wisdom and knowledge on how to be the best mommy possible. I will be praying for you sweetie… Meg

    #15644
    Avatarnavywife

    honestly, i know you love him, but unfortunitly a tiger cant change its stripes… your situation reminds me alot of what my mother went through with my father. now she is very emotionly unstable and i grew up with a father that was useing our home as a revolving door. that caused me alot of trust issues growing up. a child needs a secure home. a home they can trust not to change constintely. i hope my advice helps.

    #15659
    Avatarericklirios

    Hi.

    At this point, I can’t really say that I’d trust your ex with you or whether he is worthy of you. If I were your dad, I would most certainly say "No" to his getting back together with you at this point.

    Please value yourself more. What’s more is that you should value your child even more. Your not having chosen abortion is a very good thing but it doesn’t stop there. You should now start thinking more about your baby than yourself and that may include choosing for your baby the most suitable father. From what you’ve written, your ex is not that guy. I’m not saying that he won’t improve but right now, he should improve first before he gets another crack at you.

    If I read your story correctly, he put you in more physical difficulty because of his playing around. Look, if he didn’t tell you about the drugs or the sex he’s had aside from you, can you really be sure that what he left you with is not more dangerous than you first thought? What’s worse is that whatever it is that you may have now may actually affect your baby. You not only have to concern yourself with your health and your your baby’s as regards the pregnancy, now you even have to have yourself checked for his "gift".

    To make it really short and plain, I know you have feelings for him. You wouldn’t have gone to bed with him otherwise. Girls are like that. Boys, however, aren’t. We can go to bed with as many girls as there are legs wide open. Please don’t be just one of the easy conquests. He knows that you’re weak right now and that you’d do anything to keep him.

    Make sure that what he wants is you and not the drugs or the free sex. Let him earn his place beside you and beside your child. You and your baby deserve so much better and he better show himself that he’s up to it. Otherwise, he’s simply not worth it.

    You mentioned that you’re living with an Amish family now? Listen to them. Many people belittle them because of their beliefs but if there’s one thing they are is prayerful and devout. At this point, God might have put you there because you need to listen to Him. Maybe not to become Amish yourself but the environment is undeniably one that lends itself to more prayer and listening to what God wants of you. Please listen.

    Take care of yourself, honey. You’re beautiful and so is your baby. Let any guy who wants to come close earn his right to be with you.

    Erick

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