lost,confused and scared

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  • #18536
    Avatarhell_angel654

    im 16 and in yr 10, and i have just found out im about 3 weeks pregnant.
    I have a great boyfriend (16) who i have been with just on a year now though we have brocken up twice but its always seemed to work its self back out, he is a macanic and fixes dirtbikes and jetski’s.
    Before we were going out he use to smoke and take and sell drugs, he only stoped because we got together and i told him to. But after we broke up about 2 months ago he started back on the s*** again, and continued on with it when we got back together a week and a half later. I hate the stuff, i use to smoke.. but i ended up quiting after seeing what smoking and drugs did to my uncle.

    i suffer from depression and anxiety, and just started home schooling this year. i hardly went to school during yr 9 because my depression got so bad. i hated my self, i use to cut my hands till they’d bleed, and i always use to runaway from home, but my parents use to send the police out looking for me. thats about the time i started smoking aswel.
    when i wasn’t as school and was at home, i used to basicly live in my bedroom
    with the curtains closed all the time and i would just sleep hoping one day maybe i wouldn’t wake up, and at one stage didn’t see or make contact with my friends for months.

    this year im trying to all change this and turn mylife around, now i have goals and dreams on what i want to do when in life and when im older, and one of them is to go back to mainstream school with my friends for yr 11 and 12. but i
    have come to a major problem, i just found out that i am pregnant and my parents have no idea. The only person i have told is my boyfriend, at first he was s*** scared and panicked and like dont worry i’ll pay for an abortion nothing to worry about. but now that it has sunk in to him, he says he couldn’t bare to no that he would be killing it.
    He is now excited and wants to keep it and says that he will even stop drugs and smoking for it.
    he says that look after me and the baby and that i can live at his house with him, his mum and younger brother (his mum had my bf at only 15) though he lives in melbourne (cranbourne) and i live in geelong. and if you catch a train from geelong to cranbourne it takes about 2 hours
    his so excited about all the toys he will buy for it even christmas aswell..
    But for me im not sure about anything,
    the things im scared and worried about are:
    *my family rejecting me
    *my friends rejecting me
    *money/ costs
    *school for me, not for my boyfriend since he finnishes school at the end of this yr
    * job for me
    * will i be able to full fill my dreams for the future and a carreer
    * im also worried about my boyfriend that he’ll stay with me for a couple of years and then wont be able to handle it any more because it got to hard and if he does that ill be left with a kid to raise all by my self.
    * no more childhood
    *no more parties or going out
    *not being able to hang out with my friends whenever i want

    im so scared and confused that i have no idea what to do or how to tell my parents (i dont get along with my dad at all) or his mum.
    in a way i want to keep it because its mine and wouldn’t be able to kill it even if it hasn’t fully developed.
    when i think about im even actualy excited.

    but i have no idea how to raise a baby and i have no one to turn to eirther only my boyfriend but he doesn’t even understand really what im going through because he is a guy. Even though he says he’ll support me in what ever decision i make and its up to me.
    but im so confused and cant think right or clearly.. all i want is help and some advice on what i should do,

    is there any one who can help me or has experienced or been in the same situation that can give me info and adivce????????

    #18545
    AvatarMeg11

    Hey there my name is Meagan and I help out here on Stand Up Girl…I came across your post here and I wanted to just share a word of encouragement…. what you are dealing with right now is fear…fear of giving things up, fear of loosing your boyfriend, fear of what your family and friends will think, fear of failure….I had all those same fears when I found out I was pregnant too…I think we have all had those fears regardless of age or how close we are with friends and family….I guess this is why we are always told to not have sex until marriage because then our fears are dramatically decreased because we have a husband, finished school, our parents are happy about a grandchild, and we have more stability….just because those things are not true at this point though doesn’t mean that you can’t have thins baby and still finish school and have all your dreams…it just might take a little more time and more work to reach them…my daughters father wanted me to get an abortion and I didn’t….right now you have a boyfriend that wants this baby…you are already one step ahead of where I was…you are afraid that your family will disown you…my mo and my sister were dissapointed but they were proud of me for keeping my baby….yet just 3 1/2 months into my pregnancy I lost my mom to suicide and my dad was just furious with me and I was left to take care of myself and my sisters kids…she went crazy and "checked out" for several months after my mom died…when I had my daughter I was single and alone with no job and I ended up back with her dad out of fear or being alone and failing…that went downhill fast and my sister couldn’t live with us anymore so she put the house up for sale and moved away…I was alone with an abusive jerk and I had no family…when I finally left him I had nothing…including a job…I found a job, I found a babysitter, and I did everything I could to STAND UP….I crawled out of a huge hole that I had fallen into…right now you might feel like you are in that same hole…you have such a better start than I had sweetie…look deep in your heart and ask yourself if you can take the life of your precious baby because you are afraid???? This baby could be the way for your life to turn around and change for the better, mine were for me….your parents may be upset at first but they will grow to accept this and when your baby is born you will have to fight him/her out of their arms…LOL…Stand Up Girl….you have more support than you would ever know…your boyfriends mom went through this a year younger than you are….she Stood Up….she has made it and she will be there to help you and so will we here at Standupgirl….it would have been better to wait until marriage to have sex and get pregnant but you can’t take back the choice you made at this point…you had sex, you got pregnant…but…life doesn’t end at teen pregnancy….your life may just be beginning…think about this one…lets say that you get an abortion and a year from now you are going to be at a wild party…someone goes crazy pulls out a gun and starts shooting…you are shot but you don’t die..you are a vegetable for life and someone else has to feed you and help you go to the bathroom…you will never get married or have kids and you won’t finish school either….but…if you have a baby then will you be at that party??? probably not…is that a good thing…YES….you don’t know what is waiting around the corner…this baby could be the very angel that saves your life…life may get more difficult with a baby but you will still be able to finish school, go to college if you want, and whether things work with your boyfriend or not you can still get married….can you do that in the other scenario…NO….I had two babies from two dads out of wedlock, no family, I struggled to pay my bills, I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years…but….I chose life for my kids and I made another choice to stay abstinent until marriage and I did…I was abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night…I didn’t marry either of my kids dads…but a much nicer better man…keeping this baby will not ruin your life unless you let it…but rather keeping this baby will show you what life really is about….I know you have it in you, and I believe that you are going to be a Stand Up Girl…push the fear out of your mind and heart and let love for this child replace it….I am here anytime you need to talk…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

    #18572
    Avatarmomma_of_isa

    Hey there my name is Sarah and i just wanted to give you a word of advice. I am so sorry to hear that you are so scared i remember the feeling. You are a very smart girl to lay out your decisions like that and see what could happen if you keep the baby, that is a good way of thinking. You are lucky to have such a supportive bf but you never know he is young and you are right, one day he might turn his back on you and your baby. I have one question, are you close with your mom i mean do you get along with her? I was so sickly worried when i found out i was pregnant for many reasons just like yours but my daughter is 3 months right now and i am such a happy mom. Young one at that i am only 15. I am finsihing school and only have one more year left and them i will be going to college. The dad isnt here for me he didnt want to take such responsability. He got a girl pregnant and actually chose all that smoking over me and his child. I wouldnt mind those last things you said about not being able to party, you shouldnt even think about that. Being a mom means growing up and yes you will lose your childhood but you will gain motherhood which is so much more important. Now you live for someone… you actually have a purpose. A purpose to raise and love your child. Please whatever you do dont get an abortion. I am so fully against that i just cant stand girls that get that. But if you dont want to keep this baby for any reason you should consider adoption, make some other family happy. I am telling you if you have a supportive mom or family member that will help you out then you can finsih school and do whatever you want to do in life. I am doing that right now, i know because i am living that life. I am here if you need to talk i would love to keep talking to you because it does seem like you need advice and i am here to give it. I know i am young but i have been through alot in my life. Keep your head up high mama, you can do it!

    #18576
    Avatarhell_angel654

    hi sarah, thank you so much for offering to help me with advice and stuff. and by the way your daughter is gorgeous.
    yes me and my mum do get along but we are not very close, and so i find it very difficult at times to talk to her about things. thats why i usaly go to my friends for help. But this is such a big thing and i worried if my friends find out that i am pregnant that they might think less of me or reject me… how did you tell your family and friends?

    alesha

    #18580
    Avatarhell_angel654

    hi, im just wondering if any one else is in, or has been in the same situation as me because i would love to hear your experiences, on what you did and how you got through everything.. because i need all the help and advice i can get… as i am still so confused on what i should do, and how im going to tell me family and friends.
    i have no idea how to raise a baby or what i have to do, if i decide to keep it.

    thanks
    alesha xo

    #18652
    AvatarMaylene

    Hey hunny

    All i want to say to you about your fear of your friends thinking less of you and rejecting you.

    Hunny

    A true friend will be there for you when you need them
    A true friend will not reject you or think less of you because you gonna be a mom.
    A true friend will stand by you and lift your head up , be your shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

    And if your friends wont be there for you, reject you and think less of you. Than they not really your friends. I dont want to put more stress on you, i just want you to know that you deserve having a friend who is there for you, not those who just wants to be around your just for a good time.

    And if they do reject you, it will just give you an opertunity to find that friend who really wants to be your friend and who wants to be your shoulder to cry on an ear to listen 🙂

    Keep you head up hunny, you not alone

    Luv Maylene

    #18659
    Avatarkez_mummy_2_skye

    Hey hey. I hope things work out for you guys… Sounds like you’ll have a little family soon. I’m from Cranbourne….Thats a first for this site!

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