Lost friends because of the choice you made?

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Meg11 Meagan Weber .

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    When I found out I was pregnant, I turned to my best friend. She had found out she was pregnant 3 months before I did. I turned to her for encouragement. She was happy but I felt like she was not happy for the right reasons. I felt that she was happy because she was not the only one alone. She had began talking about how we could have playdates, go to the same school and raise our children together. That all sounded great, but we are both in completely different phases of our lives. She had a home, a husband, and a great life to offer her child. On the other hand, I’m in college 300 miles away from home in a tiny apartment and wondering where my next meal was coming from. Me and the father looked into every option. I had never realized how expensive adoption would be. The father and I could barely split the abortion fee. When I had ultimately decided on the abortion, she was furious. She has officially cut me off. She will not let me be apart of her child’s life. While the aftermath of the decision alone has been tough, I can honestly say that losing my best friend has made it much worse. Has anybody lost a friend due to the decision to abort?

    Meagan Weber

    Hey there…I am SO sorry for your loss and all the pain that comes along with it…I feel really bad that your friend turned on your at the most vulnerable time in your life….I wen through something similar a few years ago but I was the married friend who was pregnant (although I had been a single mom to two kids for 4 1/2 years before I met and married my husband) and my friend is the one who had the abortion….She had been making prolife videos and reaching out to other girls who were experiencing crisis pregnancy as she had been through two herself…She even visited this website and offered incredible advice to others….Yet her fear took over when she faced her third unplanned pregnancy and she chose to abort….The difference in my story is that I have NEVER turned her away….I hurt deeply for her and the many consequences she still faces….The decision you made it a painful one and the suffering you live with is not a light load to bear….Not everyone is like your old friend…There are MANY wonderful resources out there geared toward healing after an abortion, there are many wonderful women just like you who just didn’t know what to do and there are many wonderful people out there willing to stretch our arms out to you and Stand with you and say, we love you just the same….I will admit, when my friend sent me baby clothes after my daughter was born (we were literally due like 2 days apart) it was difficult for me to put them on my daughter, as one of her reasons to abort was that she could not afford baby clothes….I felt like I was robbing from her child, clothing that he/she could have worn…it hurt me because I wanted so badly for her to be spared from the pain she was in and I wanted so badly for her baby to have the chance to wear that cute outfit….I am not sure if that is a similar feeling your friend has or not but it takes a mature person to let those things rest and be a support to a hurting friend….If you visit this website, http://optionline.org/ , Enter your postal code into the site and it will give you the contact info for the closest Pregnancy Help Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL post abortive counseling….I actually went to my local center and took the counseling course just so I would know what it is like to share with women in your shoes….I went through the study thinking of my friends baby and my 4 nieces/nephews that have been lost to abortion….It was a beautiful group of women, they opened up, shared and healed from so much and I was full of love and support for each of them….You CAN and WILL find that same support if you are willing to reach out and let others in to carry this burden with you! I hope my words have helped settle your heart on this matter just a little, you are wanted and welcome here at Standupgirl, Feel free to write your story in a blog as a way to get it out and heal or scroll through and read other girls stories and find that you are not alone….I am here as well if you ever just need a friend to understand….I have been a friend to MANY post abortive women and my heart has room for more! Much Love and Prayers for your heart to heal <3 Meg meg@standupgirl.com

    Elisabeth Kaplan

    Hey Mamajama-

    I just read your post and was wondering how you have been doing? I feel sad for your losses – especially for losing the support of someone who had the title of ‘best friend.’ That means something to us women. You did not deserve to lose a friendship b/c of the decision you and the father made. You deserved support and love after the abortion – whether your friend agreed with your decision or not. Genuine friendships aren’t based on liking or agreeing with how the other person lives his or her life.

    I can’t imagine what things are like for you at this point. Friends keep us going in a way others can’t at times. My hope is that you have been able to tell at least 1 other person what you’ve been through and are going through. You deserve to be cared about, listened to, and comforted. I pray you are receiving that in some way. And if you need anything, there’s plenty of girls on here that will listen. 🙂

    Blessings and prayers to you!



    Thank you for checking on me. It was really rough going through this without my best friend. We have managed to make amends, but the tension is still there. I do still feel bitter about it because when I look at her all I can think is how she left me during one of the toughest times I’d ever been through. We do not talk about it. I guess it’s the elephant in the room, but it’s not like it was prior to the pregnancy. I guess that will take time and forgiveness.

    Meagan Weber

    I am glad to hear that you two have began a healing process…things may never go back to the same but maybe there will be a NEW start….I do believe in forgiveness and healing and I have had some good relationships turn bad and once healing took place the friendship was BETTER, it was never the same but over time it was something that could have never been without the temporary conflict….I hope that will be true for you two….Maybe your forgiveness and grace toward her will teach her something and rub off on her…. <3 Much Love and THANK YOU for coming back and letting us know how things are going! Meg


    I can’t even began to express my gratitude towards the wonderful people on this site. People like you help me remember that I do not have to go through this alone. God bless you!

    Meagan Weber

    God bless you too! Hind sight is 20/20, you didn’t know what this decision would do to you and although I would never recommend that someone makes that choice, for you it is too late, you did and you hurt, there is help and healing and who are we to ignore your hurt and turn you away….We need to stick together and support each other with love, maybe you will get that same opportunity some day, maybe you will get to help another girl before it is too late for her, you have a powerful, yet painful, gift to offer….the experience and warning to offer other women….Have you been able to find a local post abortive healing group yet and is that something you are interested in? Much Love! <3 Meg

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