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April 8, 2010 at 5:31 pm #26952Evangeline
You can start judging me now, I dont think that I’d care anymore. Things are just so messed up right now that I dont know if there’s anything that I care about. You know when you start going so crazy that you dont know whats real and whats part of your hallucinations…. no you probably wouldnt know… when theres no one and theres nothing that can make you want to get up in the morning and theres nothing that makes life worth living anymore. I’ve been screwing up in every aspect of my life, work not excluded, probably because I want to get fired. I dunno. I dont even know why I’m writing this, because you probably wouldnt read it and you probably wouldnt get it and it might not even get published.
I’m just sick of life. So sick of all the sh!t I’m so useless that I couldn’t even kill myself properly. I feel so pathetic, walking around with bandages on my wrists and everyone judging me like they know me and they know how badly it sucks to be me.April 10, 2010 at 9:23 am #26965Faithfulgirl
I am not going to judge you. It seems to me you have just reached a place, where nothing seems to fill that void inside you. Emptiness. We all reach that place at some point or another. For some we do not have to sink very far to find that emptiness and longing, other times we sink very far and try many things before we reach that place of emptiness.
I do not was sound like I am preaching to you. I just want to tell you that. No matter what you have heard or believe, there is a God. really. and not only does he just exist somewhere out there in space. But he wants to have a relationship with you. We were created to have fellowship with God. That is why we try and fill up our lives with the things, people, drugs, etc. but we are meant to fill that hole with God. And He loves you! I mean really loves you! I do not know of very many people who would be willing to die for an innocent person, let alone a guilty one. But he did. Even when we despised Him, and sinned against Him, he died so we would be forgiven.
We might see ourselves as “pretty good” I know I am guilty of thinking this, but before God I am not better than anyone else. I have done some pretty rotten things, and no matter what God loves me! He loves ME!! and he loves you too! All you have to do is admit to Him that you are a sinner, and you don;t have it all together, but that you believe in Him and his death and resurrection, and you will be saved you will be whole, with new meaning and life! I would be lost without Him. And you can be found in Him.
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