it’s my choice

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  • #25949
    Avatarmyright

    I am currently 5 weeks pregnant and miserable. From the day I found out I was pregnant ( 2 weeks ago), I have cried everyday. I wake up, cry, go to work, leave work, cry. That is my daily routine. When I first found out, I felt i was pushed into keeping it, because the person i first told is pro life, and told me how disgusting it was to abort. After two solid weeks of crying, starving myself and massaging my stomach roughly in hopes of miscarrying, I’ve decided to abort. I’m angry though, because I feel like my friend pushed me into keeping it, when I never wanted it in the first place. I understand that some people are strongly against abortion, but I don’t want to hear it. I think it’s disgusting that someone, especially a “good” friend would push their beliefs onto me like that. Some people don’t realize how hard it is to keep a child that you don’t really want. The fact that I’m slowly killing myself through starvation should be enough to make them realize that having this child is not the right choice for me. My abortion is booked, and now I feel like i’m forced to lie to this friend and tell them i miscarried after the surgery is complete, just to avoid a lecture I don’t want to hear. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    #25956
    AvatarMeg11

    Sweetie, You are right, it is your choice, I want you to take a few minutes and be opened minded, disregard what your friend has already said and take away the fear of having to tell her or lie…I felt very much like you when I first found out I was pregnant, I cried, threw up, was depressed and miserable, I planned on having an abortion so I continued to smoke, drink and do other miscellaneous recreational drugs and pills…There are a few different kinds of abortion, the two most common at this time are the surgical D&C and also the pill, RU486… With the surgery you will most likely be given some kind of a pain reliever and will be dilated artificially….and then once you are dilated the surgeon will use a curettage tool to scrape and remove the baby from your uterus, risk factors involved can be that the sharp tool used can puncture your uterus, the dilators used can damage your cervix and both of those things can potentially render you infertile permanently and also cause issues with carrying a future child to term…also if any part of the baby is left inside of you you can face major infection that can also potentially render you infertile or cause problems with future pregnancy, any of these issues can also be life threatening and many women have died from one or more of these complications…this is not to scare you or an attempt to change your mind but with any surgery you should go in prepared and educated about the risks…with the abortion pill you will take the first set that will in a sense poison the baby and cause it to die, then the second set will cause your body to go into labor, causing contractions and eventually expel the baby…sometimes the second set of pills will not work correctly and you will still have to go in for the surgery and sometimes not all of the baby will come out and you will face infection…the pain of the contractions are harder, stronger and more painful than regular natural labor because it is chemically induced…there have been many women, not all, but many who have actually expelled their baby into the toilet and even though it is small at an early stage they have been able to see it after puncturing the gestational sack, no matter what kind of abortion you seek it is important to go through counseling before and after, here is a number to a place where you can seek FREE and CONFIDENTIAL counseling 1-800-395-HELP, they can discuss the risks and procedures in better detail than I am able to…now I want to share an experience that I had a couple years back…a very dear friend of mine found out she was pregnant, I was pregnant as well, we were due almost the same day…she was worried and scared not only to do this alone with two other kids but because of her medical health, she was told that the weight gain and strain on her body could cause major health problems, she decided that she was going to have an abortion, I shared with her about the risks and the emotional consequences and she eventually decided that she had no other choice…she took the RU486 pill…she called me before she had taken her second set of pills, she wanted to change her mind, the ER told her that she had to take the second set of pills or she could end up with a really bad infection and potentially die, she took the second set and had horrible pains, she ended up catching the baby in her hand when she went to the bathroom, she did not puncture the little yellow sack that ended up on her hand but she knew what was in there, she took the sack with the baby in it and placed it on some toilet paper in her toilet and flushed it, she was unable to use her toilet for the longest time and would go to her moms house across town and make up various excuses of why she always showed up to go potty…I am thankful that she didn’t tell me she “miscarried” she was free to share her pain and regret with me because she didn’t have to keep up a lie, if your friend is a true and real friend she will love you and be there for you regardless of the choice you make, she may hurt for you as I hurt for my friend, she may regret not saying the right thing, just like I do, she may be disappointed, but if she is a true friend she will still be there and love you even if she doesn’t approve of what you decide…with that said, I do not agree with abortion, I think it does so much more than end a pregnancy, it affects the mom and those who love her in a negative way more than a positive, and it is a regret that is extremely hard to live with for the rest of your life…also with that said I will be here for you even if your friend wont be…legally it is your choice and I hope that you will take this info, do some research, very thorough research and make a decision that you can live with, you can always reschedule an appointment but you cannot undo abortion, you can choose adoption and then take it back but you cannot bring a baby back to the womb to finish growing and developing…You can choose to parent and then decide on adoption if it is too much but you cannot take back abortion……please think long and hard…and please regardless of what you decide let me know just so I can keep tabs!! Love Meg

    #25962
    AvatarMeg11

    Also be sure they do an ultrasound and that you see it, sometimes the baby can be caught in your tube and the RU486 will not expel a baby from your tube and it requires a different kind of surgery than a normal D&C to remove the baby in that circumstance….

    #25984
    AvatarSberry

    Hey myright,

    I sent you a message as well. How are you getting on?

    #25985
    Avatarmyright

    Thank you for responding. yes, I’m aware that going through with this procedure may render me infertile. I know 10 years from now I may think about what i’ve done and my choice may haunt me. I also know that i’m in a lot of physical pain that is apparently “normal” when you’re pregnant. I didn’t realize that pregnant women experienced sharp, nauseating pains in their abdomen. I also didn’t realize they bleed everyday and pass clots and other weird coloured tissue. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention the numbness in my left arm and leg. I can’t do this for 8 more months. I understand this sounds selfish, but i’m just not ready. I am not ready for the physical and emotional changes that accompany pregnancy, regardless if i keep it or put it up for adoption. I am not ready. I am not ready. I am not ready. I AM NOT READY.

    I am hungry, and tired. I’m sick of trying everything to get rid of it and believe me, i have tried every method that’s out there. From applying heating pads to my stomach, to lifting heavy weights with extremely vigorous exercise to just not eating. I have tried it all. I just want it gone.

    #25986
    AvatarMeg11

    Sweetie, I want you to know that what you are experiencing is NOT normal…yes early in pregnancy you can experience sharp pains here and there but what you are describing is not sounding too good…also you should not be loosing clots, blood or pieces of tissue, that is if you have not taken anything to induce an abortion….You NEED to go to the EMERGENCY ROOM ASAP…sweetie this is very important, you need to be seen by a doctor IMMEDIATELY, the thing is you could be having a miscarriage and or the possibility that you did something so strenuous in attempts to miscarry and have hurt yourself, the baby or both of you, please be sure you are seen NOW….and please let me know what you find out…this is NOT normal….Love Meg

    #25987
    Avatarinlove12

    That is so incredibly not normal and sounds a lot like youve had or are having a miscarriage. There should be no bleeding and no SHARP pains while you are pregnant. LIke Meg said, you need to go to the emergency room.

    #25995
    Avataranakie

    I feel the same way too..
    and same situation..

    but i saw a website that really
    tells me about truth a hard truth
    about Abortion..
    ABORTION IS NOT A GOOD AND NEVER A GOOD IDEA!

    im 7 weeks pregnant and still not sure
    but after looking at that site
    im more scared and wanting to keep&save
    the small life inside me..

    #26003
    Avatarmyright

    I did go to the ER, and they couldn’t confirm that I was miscarrying. Either way, they said they wouldn’t be surprised if I did, given all the symptoms i’ve been experiencing. I really don’t like ERs now that H1N1 is going around, they don’t seem to have time for patients that don’t have it. But I understand, people are dying, and I’m not. I am concerned though, I read online that pregnant women are at high risk for catching it, and someone in my office just got it. I am staying far away from everyone until I am no longer pregnant, because I”m not ready to suffer from H1N1. I also don’t want to be hospitalized because ignorant people come to work when they’re sick. We get paid sick days, why don’t people take them?? Sorry, I had to get that off my chest because I’m at a greater risk for it and now scared. My office is recycled air, I have probably caught the virus, I just hope it doesn’t get out of control, or i’ll be back in the ER.

    Anakie, thank you for your input. I won’t look at that website though, My decision is made. I don’t care what tools they use, as long as they remove it in a timely fashion. I understand there are risks, i may even live to regret this decision. For right now though, I can’t do this. I cannot. I am not ready for the emotional and physical changes that accompany pregnancy. Since booking the appointment, I have been able to eat, and stop crying. I am feeling more happier, like my old self again and I know this sounds sick, but I am looking forward to it. Only 6 days to go, and I can move on.

    #26010
    AvatarMeg11

    Well legally it is your choice, I think that there has been many people here on SUG that have stepped forward to love on you and offer you a way out…if you go through with it and end up with deep regret then at least you will know that you were aware of the consequences…with that I want to let you know that even though I do not agree with your decision that I do care for you and your well being…I hope that you will come to your senses before it is too late, you can always find an excuse and a reason to justify wrong actions, go ahead and blame it on the swine flu or whatever else, there are other ways, any excuse you throw out can be thrown right back…ultimately the real and true reason that you are choosing to abort is because you don’t want to face your responsibilities and consequences for your own actions…I am not saying this to be mean, I am saying it so that you can acknowledge it and put your excuses to the side so that if and when you do go through with this you see that there is no one else to blame, you have to take ownership of this choice and decision and not blame the swine flu or anything or anyone else…well I will end with this, I truly hope that you do not go through with the abortion, for your best interest as well as your baby’s…with much love and prayers…Meg

    #26024
    Avatarmyright

    ok Meg, thanks for telling me the real and true reasons for my decision. You know, I never figured that you, who does not know me, could tell me what I’m thinking and feeling. Here is the real and true reason why I’m doing this: I took 3 methods to prevent this pregnancy, b/c and a condom, followed by plan B when we discovered that condom broke. Does that sound like the actions of someone who wants a child? Does it? Hmmm, I don’t think so. Are you aware I took Plan B less than 12 hours after sex? and I still got pregnant. What are the odds of that happening? I have in no way blamed anyone or anything or made excuses for my decision. I made this choice, without input from anyone else. I sat for two weeks and thought about it and in the end, abortion is the right way to go. I did not make this decision overnight and I’m not blaming anyone. again, I MADE THIS CHOICE.

    #26025
    AvatarMeg11

    All I have left to say is that if you took 3 different precautions to prevent pregnancy and you still ended up pregnant how can you look at this as a mistake, an “oops”, can’t you see that with all the preventative measures taken that this baby made it to your womb? Maybe this was meant to be, have you thought of that? There is a reason why this baby was conceived against all odds and it will be your loss if you rob yourself of the joy of meeting such an amazing and strong little person to have made it to your womb…I am leaving this discussion at that, you know, if you go through with this I know that your baby will suffer briefly and then be in the loving caring arms of God…you will be the one left with the permanent suffering and I just hoped that reaching out to you and sharing facts and info could prevent you from the destruction you are walking into….I will keep you in my prayers but cannot continue this conversation anymore….you know your options and you seem to know what you want, I know that abortion is not the right way and I hope that you will not have to learn the hard way that it is not…Love Meg

    #26072
    Avataranakie

    im going to abort tomorrow..

    and yea its my decision too..
    i feel that im not really ready..
    even i said its not good and
    looking that website..

    im still going..
    i know im bad for doing it
    but i think its RIGHT:(

    sorry=(

    #26073
    AvatarMeg11

    I am really sorry that you feel like this is the right thing for you….things are so much clearer afterward, the fear seems smaller, the problems seem smaller and I just hope that you will change your mind before it is too late so that you don’t have to live with regret for the rest of your life….this is not the only way out, we are all here for you to support you in finding a better alternative….please reconsider sweetie!! Love Meg

    #26089
    AvatarGangY

    OP i hope you are doing ok… and your words just completely remembered me on mine..it was exactly the same… got in the room, got blood taken..nex thing i remmeber waking up in the recovery room,and well feeling pain so that i cried, the nurse came and gave me a shoot for my pains…from there on it was all like by you.

    if you ever need to talk, just mail me.

    about being supportive on this site: it is a great support system, but it is mostly pro-life, cause moste of us regret our abortions.

    love,
    Monika

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