It should hurt but it doesnt

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  • #17021
    Stephie.b

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years, in these two years we have lived together had agruments an now having a baby! Before my pregnancy we used to physically fight, hes knocked me out an smutherd me with pillows all because of silly things. Each time he did it, afterwards he would break down cry an say ‘he didnt mean to hurt me’. Me being me i beleived him and forgave him. Then as things started to get worse and i became pregnant with my little boy. Things calmed down an we became quite happy with each other, we started to become the couple we were when we first got together. It was the most happiest i had ever been for a long time. As my belly started to show i was pregnant he stopped taking me out an told me i couldent leave the house. I did as i was told because i was happy an didnt want him to change into the man i was scared of and hated. Things stayed quite but he became more controlling and agressive towards me again, I got scared for the saftey of me and my un-born child, I told him i didnt want him any more an to stay away from me. An hour later he came crying an begging for me back and promised me the world. Again i beleived him. We got back together and i pretented nothing was wrong. The promises he made never happend an he became more mentally abusive towards me. I became withdrawn from my family and friends because of the lies i told to prevent them finding out of my horrid relationship. They all begged me to talk to them an tell them what my plans where for the future of me and my baby, all i could think about was being on my own an saving my baby from a life of abuse an heartache, The more i thought about it the more determind i became to end this relationship i hated soooo much. All i needed was something i could use to get rid of this man, I spoke to his friends an found out his had been cheating on me with this girl called lucy. I had it my amo for the split! I called him to my home and sat him down, I told him that i no longer wanted to be in the relationship an i wanted nothing to do with him. He cried an started to make his empty promises. I stayed strong an said NO! He told me he wanted to buy the babys puschair and cot. Again empty promises, I spoke to him about the money for the pushchair because id orderd one over the internet. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby because he had his friends an wanted to go out! The money was his an he should be able to do with it as he pleased. I was upset, but then thought well atleast now my little boy doesnt have to go throught waiting for daddy to come but never turning up. Daddys empty promises. Im now 28 weeks pregnant with my son, and looking foward to having my little boy. Me and my babys daddy havnt spoken scince and my parents are being so very supportive. I just want to say to the girls who, if you are in your relationship and un-happy leave it now, things never get better they just get worse. Stay strong and keep your head high.

    #17023
    momma_of_isa

    Aww girl, I didnt know it was so hard for you to be with him! You two looked so happy in your pics…but i am soooo happy for you that you got out, you dont need a guy like that!
    I am sorry that you havent gotten a message from me in quite a while, I am trying to figure out the problem cause I am not able to write you anymore…everytime I try it says that I am not authorized to view your page… I dont know what is going on. You should check your e-mails, I wrote you two!! So dont think that I am ignoring you or anything, it is just this site…strange! Please e-mail me or something, k! Again, i am glad that you got out of that relationship, you and your son will have a happier life… cause you never know… if he was abusive towards you I can only imagine how he would be to a child!!

    #17033
    Meg11

    Well Steph I want to give you my condoloence and my congratulations as well…..I know how hard it is to leave a controlling and abusive guy…When I got back together with my daughters dad she was 3 weeks old…things were fine for a couple months…I went to church and got baptized one day and when I got home he told me I was not allowed to go to church or he would leave me…I wasnt even allowed to talk to my sister and we lived in the same house….I was confined to our bedroom with a queen sized bed, a playpen, a dresser and a nightstand….I raised my daughter in a bedroom for almost the first year of her life…once we moved (my sister told me she wanted to sell the house and move because she couldnt handle our relationship) he would go out drinking with his friends and I was not allowed to be on the phone because if he called for a ride home and it was busy then I was grilled to the bone about "who I am cheating on him with"…I was not allowed to talk to my dad on the internet through email because he would accuse me of flirting with guys…..I could harldy check my rearview mirrors and blind spots when I would be driving the car wihtout him accusing me of flirting with the person in the car nearest to us…..I was not a flirtatious kind of person so he really had no grounds to question me……I finally left him because I couldnt handle it anymore…I was not allowed to get out of bed in the morning to take care of my daughter unless he gave me permission…..I was sick of putting him before my daughter and my relationship with the Lord…and he was full of those empty promises also…he never paid the bills and I wasnt allowed to get a job….I understand so well what you mean when you say "it should hurt but it doesnt" You are going to be a great mommy and I will be praying that sometime down the road that the Lord will bring you the perfect man to be your husband and your sons daddy…just remember that he is the one with the hang ups not you….we all have our own issues there is no doubt about that but I hope and pray that you havent let his lies sink in to your mind….you and your son will be fine without him and the Lord will provide for your every need…just as He has done for me…Meg

    #17041
    MissJLee

    You be strong and you stay strong. It took you a few times to learn, but you did the right thing in the end. I am soooo proud of you, sweetheart!!! When it comes to the ex though, I have four words for ya:

    COURT-ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT

    #17042
    my_promise_drake

    Your soo strong I am proud of you.. I am glad your parents are being supportive!!!! Good LuCK with Labor!!!! And your Baby!!!
    Love Alice

    #17049
    telephonebox

    Good on you for doing what’s best for you and your baby.That guy is scum,and you don’t need that in your life.Best of luck:)

    #17057
    Anonymous

    Good for you! Its never easy to come to terms with the sometimes-obvious fact that no matter how much we care about someone, the relationship isn’t going to get healthy on its own or with only one side’s efforts.

    Having left an extremely unhealthy relationship, too, I empathize w/ where you are growing from.

    My driving factor was my daughter, as well. I realized that just because *I* could survive in that environment, what was I teaching her? It was very likely she would grow up thinking that walking on eggshells all the time, constantly apologizing to keep the peace, and jumping ahead of his every step to be sure nothing might "upset" him was a NORMAL relationship. How was I going to feel when she was in a similarly abusive and degrading situation knowing I was the one who let her grow up thinking that was the way it was "supposed" to be?

    Kudos to you for choosing to raise your son in an environment where he will know how to respect strong and independent women and for minimizing the chances he will continue what could have been an increasingly vicious cycle of abuse.

    {cyberhugs}

    #17227
    FrancesBeanMommy

    I am sooo proud of you sweets. It is hard to say goodbye, especially when you have loved and are pregnant with his child. I too went throuigh the same emotional abuse (no physical though, I’m so glad you got out of that) with my son’s father. Although he never apologized and acted sorry like your son’s biological father did, he always said he had nothing to be sorry for and made me feel like I caused all the problems and everything was my fault. And you are right, to the women out there dealing w/ relationships like ths, he won’t change. You’ll keep thinking that if you do this, if only YOU could be better for him, then he’ll love you more. But it’s NOT your fault!!! God loves you, and so does your family and they don’t want to see you to continually be abused by such a cowardly man. Steph, you and I are raising the next generation of gentlemen, our sons will know what is right, and will act on it. We will raise them right, and all of you others out there will too, and the women of the future will not experience the heartache we have, because the men will be MEN, not children.

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