Issues with baby’s father please help

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  • #28254
    AvatarUnconditionalOVE

    Hey all. I am 17 & four months pregnant. I work & study part time. In a few days I am moving out to a little place to stay by myself, as my family is not supportive of the pregnancy and want me gone. The baby’s father is involved with drug dealing – he gets drugs into the country & sells them but he does not use. I wanted to end the relationship as soon as I found out but I love him & I want my baby to have both parents there for him. I have tried talking to him, begging him to stop but he won’t. He said he needs to keep doing it so he can save up enough money for the baby. But I think that he is doing this for himself. He wants money so he can waste it on his car, at parties etc. I haven’t seen him for almost 4 weeks as he has been busy with this business, he does not call me or anything. If I ring him, he never picks up & when I txt him, he txts back hours later saying he’s going sleep now i’ll txt you tomorrow but he never does. I feel so alone & upset that he isn’t involved at all with the pregnancy. He can go out with his friends anytime he wants but he won’t come & see me until he has finished with this business he is in. I really feel that I cannot wait around for him, I need to start making decisions that are going give myself & baby a better future. I do not think he will stop once baby is here & I definitely do not want my baby around this kind of thing. I told him I would leave many times but he probably thinks that I will always come back because I have no one else to be there for me now. Do I leave him or talk to him again? If he doesn’t stop before the baby is born should I cut contact with him & me & baby carry on without him? Should I even allow him to see his child? I don’t mean to be so selfish towards him, it’s just I do not want my child anywhere near him if he’s involved with this kind of stuff.

    Thanks

    #28255
    AvatarAnonymous

    Heya 🙂 Well first, congrats on the pregnancy and everything, especially about having a job and getting your own place 🙂

    Your story sounds a lot like one of my old friends, he was involved in drug dealing too but got into some serious trouble with some guys and yeah, he still owes a couple of favors now but I have no idea where he is. He wanted me to help him but I said no, for one – I didn’t know him that well, and two I would never get involved in drugs in the first place. I wanted him to see what he was doing was wrong but he wouldn’t listen to me. He kept me dangling the whole time I knew him and only talked to me when he wasn’t doing anything or when it was convenient for him. I got sick of his bullsh*t so I told him to leave me alone and I never looked back.

    I agree with you, if he’s doing it now then chances are he isn’t going to stop when the baby is born because you’re going to need more money constantly and it’s definitely not a good thing for you or your baby to be around, especially when he/she is growing up. I think that if you really love him and want to be with him then you should talk to him about what he’s doing and how it’s affecting you and will affect you and your baby in the future. If he won’t stop for you and your baby then I don’t think he would stop anytime soon. Personally if I were you, I would walk away but let him be involved with his child. He may be making some really, really bad decisions right now but people can change, given the right reason.

    You could let him see your child but be there with him and don’t let him have your child for nights or something, just some ideas considering the situation. It’s really up to you about what you want to do; I just had to say something because it reminded me of what happened with my friend, even if the story was a little twisted. So I hope I helped a little bit, but sorry if I didn’t 🙂

    Oh, and completely off topic but you should add the wall app! You can find it under the applications tab and then everyone can talk to you on your page 🙂

    #28312
    AvatarAshleii

    Wow, you have been through a lot. I give you credit for being able to do this and make al lthe decisions. I know how hard it is for your boyfriend to want something different then you do, becuase then you are torn in the middle.
    I am sorry about your parents, and that your boyfriend does this for a living. But yes, once again.. I would try talk to him, I mean.. This IS the baby’s father, and the baby does need a chance to get to meet/grow-up and live with him. If he does fail to listen after knowing you are serious, and aren’t joking.. Then that’s when you make your decision. I think if worse comes to worse you should atleast let him see his child, but only let it be at your house, whre you can watch both of them. Once the baby is older and you can trust him more, then let him start taking the baby out for the day. Just try to build your trust up with him again if he listens to you after he knows you are serious.
    I am too pregnant, about 26 weeks.. And I have been so stressed. I actually still don’t know what I am going to go yet. I also look up to you since you already decided to keep the baby, and you want to give this baby so much.
    I hope everything gets sorted out!
    If you ever need a helping hand or someone to talk to, just email me or message me on my wall!
    Lots of love.
    Ash.

    #28487
    AvatarSincerelyRae

    Congrats!I am also pregnant and 14.But,I think you should leave before you and baby are in danger.People can do drive bys.You never know.Stay at a shelter or a friends…My mother isn’t supportive and neither is my sisters.But I know I always have my father(supportive but he is kinda rude to me now) and the father(he supports when he isn’t busy) teachers,counselors,my baby and my friends.Just think of your friends or remember that you always have god and the baby with you.Let your doctor recommend you a place to stay or anywhere you may be able to stay at.Good luck!You really need it.I’m praying for you.

    Sincerely,Rachel 🙂

    #28488
    AvatarSincerelyRae

    Congrats!I am also pregnant and 14.But,I think you should leave before you and baby are in danger.People can do drive bys.You never know.Stay at a shelter or a friends…My mother isn’t supportive and neither is my sisters.But I know I always have my father(supportive but he is kinda rude to me now) and the father(he supports when he isn’t busy) teachers,counselors,my baby and my friends.Just think of your friends or remember that you always have god and the baby with you.Let your doctor recommend you a place to stay or anywhere you may be able to stay at.Good luck!You really need it.I’m praying for you.

    Sincerely,Rachel 🙂

    #28489
    AvatarSincerelyRae

    ACS can take your child away also.So,you might wanna leave before he gets arrested and you can get baby taken away.Foreshadow and think of the future.

    #28494
    Avatarrenee

    First off I am really proud of you for making your decision and following through even when it means losing support from your family. That’s an incredible choice and a beautiful sacrifice that you’ve made for your little boy/girl. You can make it!!

    I would have to say that the father of your child doesn’t sound like he’ll be around much anyway. His choices seem a bit selfish considering the situation. I love that you care about him, but please do consider what is BEST for your child. Maybe the father would swing around, but I wouldn’t put my trust in that. And I would be very careful on what kind of influences can be around my child. I think the mother/protector in you already knows this, but just needs some support and encouragement. Do you have any friends who are supportive in your mommy journey? Have you looked for community resources. optionline.org could connect you and help you figure out plans for the future.

    I’m excited for the beautiful baby you will have soon! Keep it up chica 🙂

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