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October 26, 2008 at 7:20 am #22835Anonymous
i try to control my child but he just ignores me or tell me to go away and he hits me all the time. the other day i hit back and i didn’t feel sorry. i think i need to get an exorcist.:blush:October 26, 2008 at 8:34 am #22836Meg11
Hey there, My name is Meg and I can relate to your frustration. The thing is your son is not “possessed” or “evil” but just like every other person on the face of the planet, we want things our way and especially as children we are selfish and do not understand consequences. You need to be very careful about hitting back though. Once my daughter was throwing a fit while trying to buckle her seat belt and she knew how to do it but was being lazy, she threw the seat belt against the window of the car and I reacted and slapped her, not hard but I was shocked that I did it. It happened so fast and I could not take it back. Later that day and for a few days following I would bring my hand close to her face during normal activity to make sure that she would not flinch at my hand being too close and she didn’t so I don’t think that it made a lasting traumatic effect but it could have had I not handled it properly. Even when our child is in the wrong and is being ill mannered we still need to set the example. I would suggest talking to him while he is in a good mood and even saying sorry for hitting him back. Do not give up your rightful authority but simply say it like this, “The other day you were being naughty and you hit mommy and that was wrong, what mommy did by hitting you back was not good either though. I am sorry for responding to you in that way, I am the adult and I have more responsibility in how I react and I hope that you will forgive me if I hurt you. Please do not hit mommy again though.” If he continues to hit get him where it hurts in other ways. Toddlers are busy, they love the freedom to move and run. Timeout in a chair in the corner is misery to an active child. Favorite toys? Take them away. He can scream and cry and throw things but if you stay consistent then you can break almost any habit depending on how old he is. My daughter went through a horrid stage where she would flail her arms and legs and scream, I would pick her up and lay her in bed. If she got up I would do it again. If she got up 3 times then she would get one firm hard spanking on the bottom, I would look her in the face and tell her to stop and to stop right that moment and let her know she was going to be in bed until she did. Sometimes it can take a while to break a habit like this but you need to try hard and to set the example. You may not “feel” bad and I have been in those situations where you are so tired of the battle that you loose your sense of compassion for the child but you will feel horrible bad one of these days if it escalates into abuse or worse or if your son grows up to be a man handler and you did not try your hardest to break the habit. I wish you all the strength in the world to go through this battle and just know that you are not alone. Most importantly, do not address the child with a spanking if you are in a rage. If you cannot talk to him in a calm voice then take your own timeout before you correct him. The best way to do that is to put him in his bedroom and close the door and then go sit outside on the porch, in your bathroom with the door locked or in your room with the door locked. Trust me, I have been through so many battles, some I have handled well, others I have had to call my husband home from work. I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years though and in that time I would just sit in my bathroom and wait till I had the demeanor it took to not hurt the kids. Moms have the hardest job on the face of the planet but we need to press on and make it through with out going to prison or ruining our family. If that means calling in support from a friend, babysitter, family member or hiding in our bathroom then that is what we need to do but it wont be this way forever and if you can break him of some of these habits early on then you will find yourself with so much more patience to handle the battles later on…I along with many other stressed out moms are here to talk, Love Meg
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