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March 21, 2009 at 7:28 am #24548a_little_rose
I’m getting ready to start college and I know that my boyfriend has every intention of marrying me. We’ve talked about it seriously several times. My problem is that he has no interest in children for several more years yet and I feel like I’m already ready. All my family has been young moms and they’ve done well for their children. I’ve been saving money for a couple years now. I’m scared that if I wait until he’s ready that I’ll have no interest in children anymore. I thought about several solutions, from surrogacy to talking to him about having an invitro baby first, but in the end, I want his children first. Is it so wrong to stop my birth control in order to get pregnant from him? He’s said that if I do get pregnant sooner than he wants that we’ll still take care of it, but I don’t really want to lie to him about it. I’m so confused. What do I do now?March 21, 2009 at 8:15 am #24549Meg11
Let me start by first telling you that I am proud of you for taking all of this in and asking such solid questions before taking things in your own hands, it shows that you have a lot of maturity and that you will be a great mom one of these days…I think that it is important for you two to get some premarital counseling, I was just talking with some friends last night and they were talking about when they want to start a family and that it was one of the things they went over in counseling before they got married, they are on the same page about how and when they want to start, they didn’t start that way though, they came to compromises through time and discussion but they did so before marriage….now I know another couple who decided they never wanted to have kids and now that they have been married for several years she is getting the maternal urge and she is married to a guy who doesn’t want kids and he wants to live the life of a musician, it was all fine and dandy when they got married but they never discussed in depth whether or not they would have kids, they just always said they didn’t want them, they did not look at things realistically and talk about it with a third party….make sure that you are wanting the same things in life otherwise you could end up not enjoying your marriage too well, now to answer your question about stopping your BC without him knowing….no matter how you look at it, this is a bad choice, if you two are in love and heading towards marriage you do not want any kind of deceptiveness in the relationship and if he is unwilling to make a compromise about when to start having kids after you are married then you may want to reconsider marrying him…it sounds really harsh but you don’t want to end up pregnant and him running off because he found out you did it on purpose without his blessing, then you will be a single mom and your child will be born with heart ache and rejection that you will have to explain, I have two kids that I have to explain things too, however I did not purposely get pregnant with them……I think you have a great head on your shoulders and I think that if you go through counseling and you are able to share with him your need, desire and want to have a family sooner than later that if he takes the time to really think about the pros and cons and if he loves you with all his heart that the idea will grow on him, just give it time and do things the right way….my husband decided to wait one year before we started trying, we ended up pregnant a month early but we were still happy, I know another couple who wanted to wait and travel the world and do all this stuff before they had kids and ended up pregnant within a couple months of marriage and they were just as content and happy as can be and are on their third in 3 years…LOL…just make sure you do things as a team, if you want to be his wife and are headed that direction start practicing the role by making sure you communicate well and make important decisions together, give him some time and let him warm up to the idea, search your heart, make sure you two are the right ones for each other and seek premarital counseling…I wish you the best and please let me know what comes….Love MegMarch 21, 2009 at 6:31 pm #24554lyssa09
i am so glad i read your post! we are both in the EXACT same situation. I am an only child really wanting to have a baby. My bofriend and are going to get married and we are soon moving in together. He’s not ready and wants to wait and i feel like i can’t wait to have a baby. Im off BC and he knows that we dont use condoms as often as we should and we use the withdrawl method. but he stil insists we wont get pregnant.I know that sooner or later its goin to happen but i found myself asking the same question, and i think its not respectful to lie. You should just try and sit down and just talk to him explain to him where your coming from. If he keep saying no then thats were you make your choice. You may have to respect that and wait or he may need to respect you and try. Just remember he loves you and you love him and it will happen when its time. Love much! let me know how it goes =)
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