I don’t know if I’m the only one to experience this, but I am 16 and had a miscarriage this past December. This is the response I got from just about every adult when they found out “That’s too bad, but it’s better this way. You don;t need a baby right now, you can always try again later.”
My question is this: How can anyone possibly think that is comforting to someone who has just lost a child?
I’ve also had someone tell me that I was lucky I lost him/her, because labour hurts, and responsibilities suck. That is just complete ignorance. Unlike a lot of pregnant teens, I was excited about having a baby. I was happy, and looking forward to it. I wanted the responsibilities. Now don’t get me wrong, I;m not an idiot. I know how stressful sleepless nights and a screaming baby is, and how much harder everything would have been, but I have a very strong and loving relationship with my boyfriend, and we BOTH wanted that baby. So I think it is just completely insensitive to say to a woman “It’s better that you lost your son/daughter because now your life will be easy”. That’s what the above statement translates into. It is not comforting in any way. Ready or not, a lot of girls get excited about being a mother, regardless of age. It’s heartbreaking to lose a child, at anytime. But as a teenager, it’s just that much worse, because you have to try to go back to being a normal teen. And that is impossible once you’ve felt the reality of being pregnant.
Does anyone out there agree with me here? Isn’t this insensitive crap just plain wrong?
I totally know how you feel!! I lost my first baby at 8 weeks and I was married and 21 and there were people who said similar things to me. It was really rude and very hurtful!! We planned and tried for the baby too, but maybe people didnt realize that. So dont think its just because you are a teen, some times people dont know what to say with a loss.
When people say that to you you should respond to them like this…” How could you say something so rude, my baby died!!” Dont worry about hurting their feelings because they are hurting yours!!
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