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October 10, 2010 at 3:34 am #27565cschachner
So here I am, a 22 year old girl with a boyfriend I’ve been with for a month. And I’m pregnant. I’ve never been pregnant before. Maybe it’s naevity or maybe some small part of me thought it wouldn’t happen, but I am definitely pregnant. And if you ask the 8 pregnancy tests I took, they will tell you the same sad story.
I’ve never been given the supplies or knowledge I will need to start a real-world life for myself–I had to earn them. I have worked so hard to get my own apartment, into college, and pull my life together after years of financial and emotional, family and relationship struggle. For all that I’ve been through I’m in pretty good shape and spirits though! I truely enjoy life and I love children. But I am about 5 weeks pregnant, and I have no money, no license, and no job if I choose to stay pregnant. I am a nanny, and I cannot continue with my job if I decide to have this baby. I am strongly considering abortion, and am very pro-choice. My options are limited if I choose to have this baby. If I had one today, I couldn’t afford a crib, or formila, or doctors visits. I have no health insurance. In fact, I couldn’t even afford diapers. If I did have this baby, my boyfriend would have to pay for everything. He is from a well-to-do family and has planty of money for this type of thing. However, I feel I would be an unfit parent. I am selfish, I stay out late, and it’s hard for me to even keep a fish alive.
But I love babies, children, and people in geral. All I’ve been doing through the course of today is crying and apologizing to my 4-5 week old nugget. In fact I’m crying right now, because if my baby only knew I had to ask you guys for help deciding his life destiny he’d be crying too.
I have an appointment on Wednesday to go see a doctor and get an ultrasound. I will then decide on my own what is the best choice for me. I still have not told my boyfriend.
Please help me. Anything. Even an aknowledgement that someone read this. This is someone’s life, and I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t know. I’m writing to complete strangers because I don’t know what else to do. I have nothing to offer a baby in this world. It isn’t fair.October 11, 2010 at 7:13 am #27568baby_your_mine
You do have something to offer this baby, you’re love. If you don’t feel that you can take care of this baby, there are plenty of wonderful families that would love to adopt your child. My sister wanted me to give my child up to friends of hers who can’t concieve on their own. Adoption is a hard choice, its a huge burden on you for 9 months, but an amazing present for someone else. I’ll be honest, I have chosen to keep my baby, even though I know its going to be really hard, and I don’t have a boyfriend with money, the father of my child is undecicive and frustrating, but despite all the hardship I’ve gone through I know i’ve made the right choice for me and my baby. I considered all the options, but this is the only right choice for me.
No one can tell you what to do, this is one of those really hard decisions you have to make on your own. I hated it when people told me that, I really just wanted someone to tell me what to do, but in the end only you can make the choice. You know the three choices – remember its your life as well as this baby’s, and you have to do what is right for you. If you don’t think you’re ready (although I would argue no one ever really is) than you need to choose between abortion and adoption, and other people can give you their opinions, and preach at you and what not, but its your body, your life and you have to make the decision that you can live with, and only you know what that is.
I know its hard, I’ve been there. And I won’t lie and say it gets easier once you make the choice, its a hard situation, and i’m still struggling, even though i believe i made the right choice for me.
Hang in there, and good luck. Make sure to talk to someone who isn’t emotionally involved, a counselor perhaps? Its good to get an unbiased opinion, and to just have someone to talk to.
~StephanieOctober 11, 2010 at 8:10 am #27569Meg11
Hey there, My name is Meg and I am one of Becky’s friends here on the site…As I was reading your post certain things popped out of the screen at me, one of the things you said was, If I had one today I couldn’t afford a crib…etc…What I have to share is that you are not having a baby today, or tomorrow, in fact you have just about 8 months to prepare and plan, you won’t even need a crib for almost a year from now…You can get Formula from WIC, I got it for FREE, Breastfeeding is FREE as well and you can get a FREE pump from WIC if actually taking the time to sit down and nurse is an issue with work, school etc…You can get FREE medical, I did for all of my kids and with one of them I was even married and qualified for it, when you look at everything all at once it is impossible and unbearable but when you look at things one step and stage at a time it takes a weight off of your shoulders…if you are a nanny then why would a baby cause you to lose your job? I mean if people want the absolute best for their kids so they hire you to be a third parent basically then why would they not understand and want the same for your baby? That would be an IDEAL job in my opinion….in fact I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and I did a lot of baby sitting to make ends meet…You can do this…it is a lot to take in all at once but honey, you have TONS of time…when I had baby showers I always had enough diapers to last me the first 3-5 months and I have never really had to buy a lot of clothes for my kids, I have swapped with my friends who have kids for years now, I go to second hand childrens stores, they have really nice stuff, I make a point to look out for teen moms, single moms or families who need extra help when I am getting rid of stuff…I gave away my NICE stroller with snap in car-seat and base to a family almost a year ago, rather than selling it, I only give clean and usable items to the second hand shops, there are people out there who would love nothing more than to find a need and meet it in the best way possible, you are not destined to get sloppy seconds and stained clothes, there are so many places out there where you can get really nice things and I promise you that someone out there has a nice car seat to give away and they are just waiting for the right person to come along who needs it, the amazing woman that you are who will Stand Up for that little nugget!! Good things come to those do what is right, sure bad things happen too but I know personally because of my own experience that when you put doing the right thing as your priority people come out of the woodwork to help, not out of pity, not to make you feel indebted to them but to genuinely give back, pay it forward and to bless!! I would love for you to email me so we can talk more, and more privately, I would like to help you find some local resources to look into so that you can have some fears relived before you make a final decision…you are right, it is your choice but honey, travel the road with least regrets…I know you can do this and I really hope you will email me so we can chat more and look into some options, here is a great number to call as well….1-800-395-HELP, they will give you the info for the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL help including, ultrasounds, baby clothes, maternity clothes, baby furniture, diapers etc…Much Love and I am here for you….Meg, firstname.lastname@example.orgOctober 15, 2010 at 10:17 am #27570clare.
I am in a similar situation im 18 years old and only finished school last year. I found out i was pregnant a couple of days ago and have no idea what to do. I told my boyfriend but he said i have to have an abortion as he dosent want his life ruined. I love children and have a good wage i still live a home but i dont believe that will have any thing to do with my decision i really dont know what to do.October 18, 2010 at 11:53 pm #27574Elbie
I know all the questions that must be running through your head right now…and I know how confused you must feel. But you can’t let your decision be made based on what your boyfriend wants. He will not be the one that has to deal with the regret and guilt that the abortion will cause you. You have to make the best decision for YOU and your baby. If you love children, and have a good living environment as you mentioned, then I am quite confidant in the fact that you can make it and raise your little one. You will not regret it! But even if you feel that you would not be able to provide the best care for the baby, then adoption can be considered. There are many options other than abortion. I am 17, and I understand how hard this must be for you. But please, give yourself and your baby a chance. I know you can do it! Make the right decision based upon YOU. Not your boyfriend. Like I said, he’s not the one that has to live with the consequences. And if he isn’t willing to stand by you and possibly suffer a little embarassment… then he doesn’t deserve you. Life is too short to try to please everyone else. Do what you feel in your heart is right.
I’m praying for you and I wish you and your baby the best! God bless.October 19, 2010 at 12:15 am #27575Coreynmyheart
Please, just pray about it. You say you’re a nanny, so you must be responsible to some extent. Just discuss it with your boyfriend. If you get an abortion, you’ll live with the thought of “what if?” forever. I would rather you give the baby up for adoption other than killing him. Come on, he’s innocent. I could not imagine my life without my son; I thought about abortion a lot too, but Lord knows I am glad I gave birth to my child. Something I created. Much love with whatever you do <3October 19, 2010 at 2:42 am #27576Coreynmyheart
If you do believe in Christianity, then just trust in God. Your boyfriend is not really who he claims to be if he wants to destroy his child who could be the next who knows who! When I first found out I was pregnant, I was 14!!!!! I didnt know what to do with a baby! I wasnt even fully mature myself, but here I am. a 3.7 GPA and a junior in high school and I am doing great by the grace of God! I cant imagine my life without Him! my angel 🙂
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