I regret what I did.

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by KailaMarie Kaila Baldwin .

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  • #25884
    KailaMarie
    Kaila Baldwin

    I have been with the same guy for 3 years off and on, and currently we aren’t together. He’s moved away with his parents, and is going into the military and things are very complicated right now. We both just graduated from high school, I got an amazing job, and he’s going to college, and we both turned 19 not to long ago.

    Things were going good for both of us, our relationship was slowly getting back on track again, and we were talking about getting back together. Even through we weren’t together we were still having sex, and we were always safe. well, I found out I was pregnant, and things got really hard.

    Nobody in my family knew, except my mom, and I had the hardest time telling her. I didn’t know how she would react and I was so scared. She was so calm about it though, and very supportive. She said I could keep it, or get an abortion, which ever I wanted.

    My ex though, told me that I needed to get an abortion. It was such an easy thing for him to say, like it didn’t matter to him at all. Which made it all so much worse, that he acted like it was nothing. He kept pushing me into it, ignoring me, being a jerk, and being completely unsupportive of what I wanted, he wouldn’t even listen to me.
    And I knew, that if I decided to keep it, he wouldn’t help me. I would have to raise it, pay for it, and do everything on my own, and I couldn’t do that. And he knew it.
    I eventually gave in, and decided to go through with it, b/c I felt like I didn’t have any other choice.

    I went in on October 15th for my abortion. It was so hard for me, I was 12weeks and 3days pregnant, the dr asked me if I wanted to see the ultra sound. I thought maybe it would help me to be able to say goodbye to my baby, but it didn’t. I cried the whole time, not just out of pain but out of sadness and regret. Since yesterday, I’ve been so upset, and I can’t stop crying. I see people with babys and being pregnant everywhere I go, and I can’t help but think about the one I had.
    I regret what I did so much, but I can’t take it back. I very much want to though. I’ve tried talking to my ex about it, but he wont talk about it. All he says is “Its better this way”, how comforting. Then when I keep trying to explain how I feel, he just stops answering me.

    I don’t know who else I can talk to, I need him the most and he’s not there for me.
    How am I supposed to deal with this, and get better? I’m so sad, and lost and confused. I need help..

    #25885
    Meg11
    Meagan Weber

    Hey there Sweetie, The pain that you are feeling is deep and real and I am so sorry that you have to experience this…I know someone who has been in your shoes and I know she would love to share with you, listen to you and help you in any way that she can, her name is Lisa and here is her email, lisa@standupgirl.com ,also you can contact a local Pregnancy Resource Center, you can receive FREE post abortive counseling and also you may find opportunity down the road to reach out and help others in your same situation or even sooner and help to change their minds in time….Once again my heart breaks for you and I want you to know that you are loved and welcome and accepted just as you are here at Standupgirl.com, we are here to support you in your healing and I personally hope and pray that you will stick around and let me be your friend in this hard time of your life….much love…Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

    #25886
    KailaMarie
    Kaila Baldwin

    Thank you. I just I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to deal and accept what I did. I know I made a huge mistake, and I think the worst part is, is that I really thought about saying no before they even started. I just, I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
    Should I just message her at anytime?

    #25887
    Meg11
    Meagan Weber

    Yes, email her anytime, she is pretty good about checking her mail often….I understand that it will be hard to live with but if I can encourage you in something it might help a little…see, I have never had an abortion but I have done so many wrong things that have affected my life in a negative way, and others lives as well…I too have to live with those regrets some physical and some emotional and spiritual…One of the things I regret most is that a few weeks before my mom committed suicide she had asked me to sleep with her and snuggle, I said no, I was hoping that a guy I really liked who was staying at the house would want to sleep with me and I knew it was not possible if I was not in my own bed….how horrid and disgusted and selfish I feel to this day, my mom had just lost her fiance in a car accident, she was the driver, she was feeling so lonely and guilty and all she wanted was someone to hold her, I feel awkward for posting this, this is the first time I have told ANYONE, not even my husband why I didn’t go to her room with her, it is because I still feel so sick to my stomach over my shallow, selfish and disgusting actions….it feels kind of good to get it off of my chest though and that is why I shared this with you, you are not alone in your regrets, your guilty feelings, the mistakes of your past….yours is still recent where as the one I just shared was almost 8 years ago…the only thing that has helped me is forgiveness, it is so much easier to ask God to forgive you and accept His forgiveness, which is so important to do, than to forgive yourself and that is something that I hope and pray you will be able to do sooner than later…just like I cannot go back and hold my mom, comfort her and put her first over some shallow, lustful want, you cannot go back and change what happened on the 15th, what you can do is learn from it, use your scars and wounds to help others not go down the same road, be vulnerable and honest and be there for others who hurt also….I hope this helps a little bit, I am here for you and I have many scars that I would love to share with you in hopes that you can find healing and love for yourself again!! Hang in there Sweetie….Love Meg

    #25888
    anakie
    khristine may

    Hi! i feel the same way..
    but im still pregnant and waiting for my bf’s salary for me to get abortion..
    but i feel i cant wait for it..
    and i know i cant get it..
    but im scared,, it all the same like
    i know that he wont help and stuff..
    and im scared he might hurt me worst..=(
    i cant help but cry all the time i think of it
    and its so hard for me to live everyday knowing i could do nothing for the life inside me..:(

    he took everything from me..
    my confidence, my normal life,
    my friends and now the life that i cant let go=(

    #25890
    sophia roses mummy
    gabby hunter

    aww hunnie this made me cry, i just want to say i had a abourtion forced by my mum and dad over a year ago and now im pregnant again with a little girl due 22nd november 2009 and me and ollie have been together for over 3 years now and i wanted to say it does get better.
    im here for u if you want to talk )

    love and hugs gabby xx

    #25901
    Meg11
    Meagan Weber

    To Anakie, Sweetie, you are speaking of your baby in past tense…you still have that precious life inside of you and NO ONE can make you abort, NO ONE….you can get a restraining order if you are afraid of the dad, that is what I did when I got pregnant with my first, he told me “the baby is not mine and I hope you and it die” I took that word of mouth to the Judge and I was given a restraining order, simple as that….here is a number to call for some help in your decision making, 1-800-395-HELP, they will help you for FREE and keep it CONFIDENTIAL, I can hear the tone of your voice and the feeling in your heart even though it is just words on a screen, you want this baby, this is your baby, and you know what, unlike many girls it is not too late, you still have him/her snug and warm, safe and sound….sweetie, do not take it for granted that you are still pregnant and don’t have the money, there is a purpose in this….how far along are you? Please write me back, I would love to help you find any info out there that could help you stay safe, secure, fed, clothed, warm and most of all pregnant!! I have been in the shoes you are wearing, it was hard at first but then someone came along and helped me find the resources I had no idea about and it helped a lot, let me be that person for you…Love Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

    #25905
    MelodyItsAGirl28weeks
    melody brown

    things may take a while but they will improve i had an abortion before and know the pain you are going through but after a while you will start to feel a little better i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 yrs also and we are now expecting a little girl due in january you just have to belive that you can be happy again one day and everything will fall into place im here to talk if you ever need someone loadsa love melody x

    #25926
    chickadee208
    Rebekah Zink

    This made me upset 🙁

    I had an abortion mainly due to my boyfriend. Even now, I see tons of babies and I wish, every day, I had not had the operation (I had it about 9 months ago). I cry still, in the shower, before bed, on the date it was to be born, all of it. I know where you’re coming from, and I would like to wish you the best. I hope everything gets better for you, and soon. You’ll get through it. It’s gonna be hard for the first while, but it will slowly get better <3

    #25929
    Ashh14
    Ashley Giesbrecht

    My darling, I know it’s so tough right now. I hope you know that I’m here to support you and through this tough time, if I could give you a big hug I would, because you most definetly deserve one. We have to learn to not regret our past, because the present is here to create healing, and new beggining and the past mending new paths. I know it’s tough, and you think you’ve made mistakes, but it’s only made you stronger.
    You ARE beautiful, no matter what.
    muchh love<3

    #25931
    KailaMarie
    Kaila Baldwin

    Honestly…

    If you care THIS much about your baby, do NOT go through with the abortion. It will distroy you, no matter how strong you are.

    I thought I would be okay after mine, I tried my hardest to not get close or attached to the life that was inside me. But its not easy to do, when its growing inside you, and seeing the ultrasound made it so much worse, seeing my baby in there..

    If you are scared for your life, you need to go to your family, family is ALWAYS there when you need them. And I’m sure they will help you..

    Don’t make a decison you will regret because your bf is telling you too.

    #25932
    KailaMarie
    Kaila Baldwin

    Congrats.

    And I really want to thank everyone for the support. Its hard talking to someone in person about any of this, its easier to type out how I feel and what I’m going through.

    Plus more of you understand.

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