i dont think i will ever forgive myself

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  • #22846

    It was just yesterday I had an abortion, and now I feel so empty. I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago with a home pregnancy test. In some strange way I was kind of happy, deep down I wanted to keep it. When I told my boyfriend he right away said that the only option was abortion. He said he would be with me no matter what, but he was so concerned about my future since I just started college in September. I told my mom and she said the same thing. She was crying and saying that we couldnt financially support a child and she didnt want to be the one to take care of the baby. I felt so much pressure to just get the abortion. So I got my blood taken and faxed the information to the abortion clinic and made an appointment. Up until the appt it didnt bother me, I was puking every morning and I could feel it inside me, but i just kept the abortion out of my mind. Finally the day of the abortion I was misirable. My bf took me and it was so sad to see the number of women there to get the same proceedure done, it felt so wrong. When it was my turn, everything happened so fast. I was on the bed with my legs in the air and they had me hooked up to nitrogen gas. Right before the doctor was about to do the very quick proceedure, she told me your seven weeks pregnant and Im going to start now. I repeated what she said.. “seven weeks pregnant?” wow i couldnt believe it, I never found out how far along i was before because I was scared. I had that baby growing in me for two monthes and before I could even think about what was going on, it was over.. over forever and i can never take it back. For anyone who reads this who is pregnant and is considering abortion, I am saying this straight from the heart… dont do it. You will regret it. I feel like such a failure… i had sometthing so beautiful depending on me and i let it down. I killed it. Its the worse thing Ive ever done and I hope God can forgive. Im still in so much shock… i feel like murderer. Abortion is not the answer, I would really like to see more help centers for young girls who need the support and guidence if they ever become pregnant. I felt like i was alone and i was influenced by ppl… I wish I had ppl that had gone through pregnancy at a young age and could talk to me about it. I just hate myself for what i did.

    #22863

    Anonymous

    Hi there. You need to forgive yourself. That baby is with Jesus in heaven and is doing okay. You have to forgive yourself for your future children. Go to church and turn to God for help… I promise that he’s always there.

    Good luck. <3

    #22872

    Anonymous

    I am so sad to hear about your whole situation! I noticed one thing that you said in particular…
    “I killed it. Its the worse thing Ive ever done and I hope God can forgive me.”
    I want to tell you that you may have killed your baby, but even before you did that your sins killed someone. Your sins put Jesus on the cross and killed Him. But He died for you because He loves you and wanted to set you free from the price of sin (every sin) which is death. And I’ll tell you what, if God can and has forgiven you for that, I KNOW that He can, and has, forgiven you for the abortion.
    I know that it’s especially hard because you didn’t truly want the abortion, and I know that you’re going to have a really rough time and be in a lot of pain. But Jesus is the only One who can set you free from the guilt and bondage of the abortion, and I really hope that you accept His forgiveness!
    I will be praying for you! Hugs!

    #22874

    hunny…
    it’s hard. i know it is. and i wont lie, i cant say if you will forgive yourself, i know i still didnt. but you will learn to live with it… not tommorow, not next week, also not next month.. but you will.
    if you wanna chat, talk about it, or if theres anyway i can help ou, just pm me., i would love to listen to you,
    love, Monika

    #23147

    I got an abortion on November 1st. I felt the same thing. My boyfriend and I agreed that it would be the best thing right now because we are both not working. I made the appointment for the abortion and over those 2 weeks I waited for the appointment to come, I just kept it off my mind, I felt fine. I could feel it inside of me. I was eating better and I felt so happy that I had a baby inside of me.

    I got in a car accident in February of 2006 and they told me that I would never be able to have babies. But when I missed my period I had a feeling that I was pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test and It was positive. I cried but I felt happy. My boyfriend said that the abortion was the only choice.

    We went to the abortion clinic and the first time we went I was crying and I was so upset, but my insurance didnt cover it so I couldnt do it that day. We had to wait a week and then do it.

    I went on November 1st. I saw the sonagram, my child was so small. I just wanted to touch it. I was 10 weeks. By then my baby already has little webbed fingers. It so long to actually get into the room and when I did everything happened so fast. I was crying so much. It was the most painful thing Ive ever felt. My boyfriend was there holding my hand.

    But now since I got Ive felt so empty. I can feel the difference in my tummy. I want the baby there. My boyfriend wants to wait until we have the money and weve both started in our careers. I dont want to wait though. I just want a baby. I miss the feeling of having the tiny thing in my belly.

    I hate what I did. I will never forgive myself. And until I have a baby inside of me. I want someone to love forever.:(

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